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Original poster

how to deal with bullying at nursery

31 replies

lockdownmummax · 16/09/2022 10:58

my daughter is 2 and a half and at nursery
Her nursery is great and she really enjoys it

She got bitten a couple months ago from a little boy, on the incident report it says my little girl was sitting in the story corner reading and the boy just ran over and bit her?

Today I was dropping her at nursery, I was talking to the nursery teacher and my little girl sat on the floor and was playing with a toy, the same boy that bit her ran over to her from the other side of the room and started hitting her on the head with a wooden spoon?? My we girl curled her head in and she looked really scared , I was quite taken a back and I left feeling unsettled
I'm worried this little boy is bullying my daughter and I'm not being informed? I know they are toddlers but I'm not happy with her being treated like that I hate the thought of someone mistreating her or her being scared

OP posts:
Juicelooseabootthehoose · 16/09/2022 11:02

Speak to the nursery. Is this child targeting your child or every child? IME, the biters are biting everyone.

MinnieMouseclubhouse · 16/09/2022 11:04

How did the staff react when the hitting happened? Did they record it with another incident form? I think the first question you need to consider is whether they are informing you of all incidents.

Assuming that they are informing you, then it's 2 incidents a couple of months apart, which doesn't seem too bad to me (I also have a 2 year old at nursery).

I would ask for a call with her key worker in the first instance and go from there.

JenniferBarkley · 16/09/2022 11:05

I wouldn't talk about bullying, a 2 year old can't be a bully. Not unreasonable to talk to the staff, explain your concerns and ask them to put more support in place for that little boy though (for example).

lunar1 · 16/09/2022 11:11

What did the staff do when she was being hit?

Beach11 · 16/09/2022 11:15

Ask the nursery for the safe guarding policy and how they are going to keep your child safe.

SunshineClouds1 · 16/09/2022 11:21

I think bullying is a pretty strong word for nursery kids. You have no idea how many others he's done it too and honestly there will be afew.

What did the worker do when this happened?

Absolutely no harm in having a chat to find somethings out but they can't tell you anything about the boy

CrotchetyQuaver · 16/09/2022 11:25

I think you'd be better using the term aggressive rather than bullying.
I would be asking questions of the staff though about this, is he singling out your daughter or does he do it to others too?

Fupoffyagrasshole · 16/09/2022 11:39

its not bullying! it's 2 year old. unlikely this is done to hurt her tbh and he could be doing it to loads of children.

do ask for a meeting thought o get the full story

girlmom21 · 16/09/2022 11:39

the same boy that bit her ran over to her from the other side of the room and started hitting her on the head with a wooden spoon?? My we girl curled her head in and she looked really scared , I was quite taken a back and I left feeling unsettled

Why on earth did you leave if you saw it happen and nothing was done to prevent it or safeguard her?!

Jindle1 · 16/09/2022 12:16

I don't think a 2 year old is capable of being a bully - you're tarring a very small child with a very negative Brush.

Of course, if the child has behaviour issues you should be assured that your child will be safe. Did you raise with the nursery?

QforCucumber · 16/09/2022 12:19

How do you know it was the same child? Did the nursery tell you who had bitten her as they should not be naming others at all!

Geneticsbunny · 16/09/2022 12:29

As others have said, it isn't bullying. The child who is biting needs the appropriate amount of support/ supervision to make sure this is not happening. Ultimately it is a safeguarding incident and could be raised with the safeguarding lead but I would ask what support is being provided to the biter to make sure your daughter is safe and see what happens from there.

modgepodge · 16/09/2022 16:05

QforCucumber · 16/09/2022 12:19

How do you know it was the same child? Did the nursery tell you who had bitten her as they should not be naming others at all!

Children however are bound by no such rules and can often name the child who hurt them.

Connie2468 · 16/09/2022 16:13

It's not bullying - toddlers are impulsive and have poorly developed social skills. When you put lots of them in a room together you often get aggressive behaviour.

You can ask for a meeting with the nursery about how they are going to minimise incidents and keep your DD safe.

abovedecknotbelow · 16/09/2022 16:14

It's not bullying, it a 2 yo PITA.

stuntbubbles · 16/09/2022 16:14

modgepodge · 16/09/2022 16:05

Children however are bound by no such rules and can often name the child who hurt them.

Show quote history

Yup. In a meeting with our nursery the manager kept saying “the child in question” when I knew exactly who he was because DD would come home and report “Bob bit me again today”!

OP, bully isn’t the right word – they’re too little to control themselves in such a way where they can actively bully. But they can certainly pick on each other; the Bob the Biter in DD’s nursery targeted her. One of her friend’s was also a biter and always chose the same couple of children to chew.

Ask for a meeting with nursery and a plan for how they’re going to safeguard her.

girlmom21 · 16/09/2022 16:31

QforCucumber · 16/09/2022 12:19

How do you know it was the same child? Did the nursery tell you who had bitten her as they should not be naming others at all!

Children tell you.

riotlady · 16/09/2022 16:42

modgepodge · 16/09/2022 16:05

Children however are bound by no such rules and can often name the child who hurt them.

Show quote history

I would just chat to the nursery workers about the aggression and whether it was often targeted at her- don’t use the word bullying. My DD often came home with a bite from “a friend” (who’s name she’d always gleefully reveal to me). I talked to her key worker and it transpired that it was very much 50/50 who instigated it, and that the two were the best of friends but both a bit quick to lash out. They both (mostly) grew out of it and remained pals

riotlady · 16/09/2022 16:44

Sorry @modgepodge I quoted you to agree with you and then forgot that I had midway through my post!

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 16/09/2022 18:27

@girlmom21

I didn't allow it to happen?
the nursery room is sealed with a gate about waste height, when I dropped her off my daughter went into the room and the nursery teacher locked the gate once she was in the room, I was talking to the nursery teacher ( who was behind the locked gate ) i was just about to say bye to my little girl over the gate when the little boy ran over so I couldn't exactly jump over the gate to safeguard her?

OP posts:
girlmom21 · 16/09/2022 18:28

lockdownmummax · 16/09/2022 18:27

@girlmom21

I didn't allow it to happen?
the nursery room is sealed with a gate about waste height, when I dropped her off my daughter went into the room and the nursery teacher locked the gate once she was in the room, I was talking to the nursery teacher ( who was behind the locked gate ) i was just about to say bye to my little girl over the gate when the little boy ran over so I couldn't exactly jump over the gate to safeguard her?

I didn't say you let it happen. I said you left her there after they failed to protect her from a boy who repeatedly hurts her.

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 16/09/2022 18:31

Thank you everyone for commenting
I agree bullying isn't the right word but maybe targeting her,
I also know it's the same boy as my little girl told me about the biting incident after it happened and named the little boy, also if I am dropping her off she will say " hi ***" if she see's her someone from her nursery if there getting dropped off at the same time
I have asked to have a meeting with her nursery teacher to find out if this is happening regularly
I was just shocked to witness this and worrying if this has been ongoing and im not being informed
I know kids will be kids but if it's an ongoing incident something will need put in place as I hate the thought of dropping her somewhere and her being scared and being hit

OP posts:
7Worfs · 16/09/2022 18:34

Our nursery deals with repeat aggressive behaviour by shadowing the child (pretty much 1:1) and if it can’t be managed I think they withdraw service as 1:1 care is not sustainable in that setting.

Original poster
lockdownmummax · 16/09/2022 18:36

@girlmom21
i understand what you are saying, when this happened the nursery teacher advised the boy of safe hands and went over to my little girl
I unfortunately had to leave her there to go to my work :(
It's a shame as she had some problems settling into nursery and I was ready to drop out of my course to stay at home with her but we persevered with settling sessions and she loves going in now I hope this doesn't keep happening and sets her back
I'm a student nurse so often on 12hr shifts and having my family have her whilst I'm on placement isn't an option because of the hours, just praying there's nothing more to it and we can get it sorted

OP posts:
Original poster
lockdownmummax · 16/09/2022 18:38

@7Worfs
That sounds like a good way of dealing with it
I totally understand kids will be kids but just with the biting incident and now this I am worried it has been happening regularly and I haven't been informed
Hope to find out more at the meeting and have a good outcome from it

OP posts: