If you could afford private education would you do it?

[marmon]

Please help i am in a dilemma. My ds is 4 and he has just started school all day after the Christmas break. I have been spoken to twice by the head teacher about his behaviour and it seems he is finding it hard to settle in. He likes routine and structure and at lunchtimes he seems to go a bit off the rails when hes got time on his hands, and gets into fights with other children. The teacher is already talking about bringing in a outside body from a pupil behavioural place to observe him! I personally think he is finding it hard to settle in a class with 30 children, when i ask him about the fights he says so and so pushed me so i pushed him back. Last week he came home with a nasty cut on his face and nothing was said to me by the teachers, ds told me 2 boys pushed him up against the coat racks. The point i am trying to make is my ds has a trust fund which could pay for a private education and i am wondering if any of you would consider taking your children out of state school and placing them in a smaller enviroment. I saw one school today thats in a beautiful house and the class sizes are maximum 8. I do not know what to do and just wondered if any of you were in a position to pay would you? All opinions welcome.

Yes I would if I thought the private school was better than any other state school on offer to me.

if i could afford a private school for life then yes i would do it.

i would be very picky about which school tho, a lot can be overly pushy and strict, which imho is not good for 4yr old boys

i would choose a school with small class sizes, where there is strong emaphsis on learning through play for the little ones, and where more emphasis was put on creative subjects than currently is in the state system.

hth

A maximum of 8????

Yes, I would consider paying for that.

No, I wouldn't....what do you think a private school will offer your ds that a state school cant? He is only 4 and most kids find it hard to settle in anywhere...if you have real concerns I would speak to the Head Teacher.

And fwiw I could (at a push) prob afford to send my kids to private school...but it has always been a big 'no'no' in my book....just my opinion though..

No I wouldn't.

I think class sizes should be smaller and I am willing to campaign for that but I not willing to endorse privately funded education which benefits (largely) the richer people in society.

Plus I don't think they are better necessarily anyway.

But how do you know that his behaviour will improve at a private school? Is it not worth staying at the same school and seeing what could help your ds......what if he has the same problems elsewhere???

I have never had a problem with state schools...IME they are all very good and it has always been my belief that you not only go to school to learn academically but to learn socially, and for me, that means being integrated in a school that has children from all walks of life and backgrounds...

Yes. They'd each get separate set ups directed to what they need- ds2 would go to a school that specialises in dyslexia; ds3 would get ABA teaching at home; and ds1 would get either a home tutor or a place in a very small school with lots of 1-1 provided

Ain't gonna happen!

HOWEVER the locals chool here is very good academically and whereas money can buy you specialist support and I would pay for that, am not convinced it would buy a better general eduation for average kids than they get anyhow.

No I wouldn't. I am a believer in state education, mixed ability, mixed sex, and hopefully, good (or better than private) social mix as well. I think the best option for most children is a good state school, for all sorts of reasons. And I probably could afford to send DS private if I wanted to.

Yes I can, and no I don't - only because the local village school is fantastic.

If local provision was not good, I would send them privately though without a second's hesitation

Nah.

I'm a little stunned that a school can function financially with only 8 per class. Are the fees extortionate?

There is no shame in having an outside body observe your child. DS is currently observed, and I am extreamy thankfull that his school is willing to fund it.

I would discuss lunchtimes with your childs teacher. Hopefully the school can putsomething in place to make lucntimes more settled for him.

I don't think I would.

Easy for me to say because
a) Our local schools aren't bad, and
b) I can't afford it (I know the premise of the question is that I could but still...

We have some excellent independent schools near us. But still no I think. For the same reasons as flowery.

no, for the same reasons as flowery.
do you have other children? could you afford the same for them?

For a short period of time, my children went to a small private school whilst we were in between houses. IMO there is nothing worse than being stuck in a tiny class with a violent, constantly misbehaving child. The boy in question was expelled after we left. Horrible time.

I wouldn't put mine in a small school again.

if i could afford it, then yes, i would be sending all my kids private.

I'd be inclined to give him a little more time to settle in and see if things improve, as other posters say, you could move him and have the same problem.

If things don't improve, and you feel you're not getting the right support then you might want to consider going privately at that point.

There are some excellent state schools around, and an independent school won't necessarily be any better.

I think you need to start at the beginning. A lot of kids and lots of boys find it difficult to settle at school and it is a huge shock to the system to go full time for most kids. My 4 year old was shattered come christmas.

• is he getting enough sleep, get him to bed earlier - he will still get up at the same time
• invite a child back from school for a play after school. Helps integrate them into school life and builds friendships that they can then use at school.
• look at his diet, get rid of E numbers and sugar and load him up with carbs and fruit veg. Get a good breakfast in him, porridge or some protein (eggs and bacon)
• my now 6 year old had huge issues when he started, couldn't keep his hands to himself and fidgeted constantly. We did a lot of work with him outside of school with alternative therapists and my hyperactive boy is a lot calmer.
• when are the points of stress, when does the flares up occur. Talk to the school, ask their advice, get them on side and come up with strategies to deal with it. Get regular/daily updates from the teacher, thumbs up gets a star - enough stars and then your son gets a reward (doesn't have to be monetary)
• could well be a social issue not knowing how to deal with other children. Talk to him about to deal with social occassions. Good book is www.amazon.co.uk/Unwritten-Rules-Friendship-Strategies-Friends/dp/0316917303/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=ga teway&qid=1201125992&sr=8-1

As your son starts to behave better, more children will want to play with him, his self confidence will increase and the flares up will decrease. Thats the theory.

But if that didn't work then I would be talking to the SENCO and/or looking at private education.

The ability to pay will at best give you a wider selection of schools to choose from, so you should be able to find a good match for your ds. You still have to work out what the best sort of setting for your child is, and that may take some time. Challenges that appear in reception will not be the same things that concern you by Year 3 say, and you do not want to move your ds frequently.

I would certainly see more of the reception year out before moving him tbh.

Thanks for your honesty! I think if he is the problem then wherever he goes it will not help but i am shocked that after less than 3 weeks at full time school they seem to be labelling him a "naughty child " already. He is fine at home but does not seem to mix well with lots of children. I suppose time will tell. Yes i do have a 10 year old dd who is doing brilliantly at state school and no i cannot afford the education for her. My ds father died when i was pregnant and all the life insurance went to son as we were not married. Very long story! So i suppose i am trying to do the right thing all round.

And Kaz is going along the right lines - how about posting a different thread under say behaviour and development and getting some feedback on the specific concerns you have. I'd suggest a new thread as this one will get derailed by its title!

And Kaz is going along the right lines - how about posting a different thread under say behaviour and development and getting some feedback on the specific concerns you have. I'd suggest a new thread as this one will get derailed by its title!

Marmon before shelling out for the private school I would make sure it is the class size and structure that is what is wrong.

I wouldn't make any decisions for this term. talk to the teacher. Get daily feedback on what has happened.

I have nothing against private education but I am just not sure it is the answer to the issue you are discussing.

Good lcuk!

It's not really about whether other people would pay for private school, but what is best for your DS.

If his behaviour is fine in the class room, but not on the play ground, the school need to address this. I think it can be a bit much for some chldren of this age when they are let loose on a playground with no direction.

Well from what you were saying about your financial position, it would involve you sending your DS to private school and your DD to state school. That has an awful lot of implications. If it weren't for that, I would say yes like a shot.

I don't think dogma has any place in education, not when a little boy is coming home bruised and is clearly unsettled. It is early days yet though.