If you could afford private education would you do it?

[marmon]

Please help i am in a dilemma. My ds is 4 and he has just started school all day after the Christmas break. I have been spoken to twice by the head teacher about his behaviour and it seems he is finding it hard to settle in. He likes routine and structure and at lunchtimes he seems to go a bit off the rails when hes got time on his hands, and gets into fights with other children. The teacher is already talking about bringing in a outside body from a pupil behavioural place to observe him! I personally think he is finding it hard to settle in a class with 30 children, when i ask him about the fights he says so and so pushed me so i pushed him back. Last week he came home with a nasty cut on his face and nothing was said to me by the teachers, ds told me 2 boys pushed him up against the coat racks. The point i am trying to make is my ds has a trust fund which could pay for a private education and i am wondering if any of you would consider taking your children out of state school and placing them in a smaller enviroment. I saw one school today thats in a beautiful house and the class sizes are maximum 8. I do not know what to do and just wondered if any of you were in a position to pay would you? All opinions welcome.

There are two separate questions here:

what is my standpoint on private education

and what should you do with this particular problem

They seem to me so different that they shouldn't really get mixed up.

I think in this particular situation, I would start with a meeting with the headteacher and your son's class teacher. Be as non-confrontational as you can, but ask what their policy is on rough behaviour, bullying, how their playground supervision, what sanctions are used when children play roughly, how other children are taught to react, if there is a friendship stop for children for children who have noone to play with, if there is any arrangement for children who might feel daunted by the rough and tumble outside. (If you see a private school, make sure to ask the same questions of them).

Reasonable things to expect would be:

that all children are taught that they must tell an adult if somebody is hurt or frightened

that there are adults available at all times

that children playing roughly would be withdrawn from the situation immediately

that lessons are supervised so that the children are kept under control

that teachers are extra aware of a child that may be struggling to settle in and that they have thought out some technique for handling the situation

Some sort of buddy system can also be very helpful.

At my dc's infant school two classes were taught in the same (largeish) classroom, so you had between 50 and 60 children in there- very noisy, but the social training was immaculate- the kids really learnt to look out for one another. This is still doing them good when they've moved on to junior school; they know when and how to intervene.

I would have been very loath to withdraw my children from the local council school as it is such a very strong bonding force in our local community, but that may well be different where you live.

My ds (6) is at a private school in a very small class of only 9. He loves the school and is doing very well academically (way ahead of where his brother was at that stage, who started in the state system but is now also private, but I think he is not as bright). The downside with a small class is it really limits your child's social options -- there are only two other boys in ds's class and so he hardly ever gets invited on playdates etc.

It's just another aspect to consider.

Whatever you decide I'm sure you will look into all the issues very carefully.

And I don't agree that you should educate all your children identically, what suits one child may not suit another and that goes for private or state school too.

I would be wary of such small class sizes for two reasons. Firstly choice of friends, they need a reasonable mix and 8 might not be enough. Secondly it might indicate school is not financially sound.

But overall I think smaller is better and moved my ds from a state school with 33 per class to private with around 18 per class.

Agree there are more issues here than for a single reponse.

Our dc are at a private school which we chose primarily to suit ds but has benefits for dd too. Class sizes are 16-20 so not that small. So yes if that is what would be appropriate to your child.

However you cannot assume that a different environment will make any issues magically disappear. Indeed it may simply highlight them more sharply and bring with it its own set of pressures and issues. It rather depends on the school but some are better at coping with behavioural issues than others (assumign that your ds does fall into that category of course). Also external NHS funded help is sometimes more easily obtainable hand if you are in the state sector than private (where there is an underlying assumption that if you can pay for education , you can afford to pay for therapies etc)

Agree with kaz that there are all sorts of questions you need to explore and perhaps give the current school longer to see if time helps or if there is a problem before committing yourself and your ds to a change.

No

As a primary school teacher my experience is that this is a very common problem particularly with boys (don't know why). I teach Y1 and ahve just made a special chart for one of mine.

I wouldn't rush into anything yet. Give the school a chance to deal with this. We get the Behaviour support team in from time to time and often it's just to support the staff with ideas for addressing the issues. Give it some time, talk to the teacher / other parents etc.

As for private education I think it's a bit of a cushioned environement IYSWIM? Children only mixing with middle classes, little social / academic diversity, not good preparation for the tough real world.

Saying that if I was desperately unhappy and could afford it I would consider it.

environment (Sorry giving teachers a bad name)

I can afford it and I do pay, DD is at private primary and will go on to private secondary.

I looked at all the alternatives and visited too - state and private - and chose the school that best suited our and our DD's needs.