Worried health visitor reports me to social work

[MrsC20]

Went to see the Health Visitor for my daughter's 2.5 year review. I got upset / tearful during it as i find it stressful as i worry about my daughter's development and also i lost my Dad 3 weeks ago and my best friend lost her Dad last night too so stressed.com.

Plus, to add to it my daughter had a big tantrum when we were leaving and i had to wrestle her in front of the HV. HV just advised that I can take the assessment form home and she'll come out in a couple of weeks to see us and go over it.

I phoned her when i got home and scheduled a date and time and of course apoligised.

I'm worried incase she now has concerns and will refer me to social services. I do have a lot of support as got my husband and other family. With everything else, i just couldn't handle a social services referral. I'm just riddled with worry.

They legally have to tell you if they’re referring you to SS

Hi OP, sorry for your loss and a tough day. This would absolutely not meet threshold for a referral to children's services - even if it did the. The HV should be talking to you first. But it 100% doesn't. The only thing needed from her was a chat about any other support you might want signposting to at a tough time. Hope things get a bit easier x

Apologised for what? You didn’t do anything that caused her harm, inconvenience or offence. You weren’t rude. You called her and made a follow-up appointment. Children have tantrums, mums have the stresses of life to deal with and sometimes those things coincide and everyone has a bad day. There’s no reason to think SS will get involved. Deep breath.

I think she would tell you if she had concerns or was referring you. It's understandable that you're stressed, so sorry about your Dad. Tantrums are completely normal and I'm sure that she didn't mind that at all or think badly of you. It sounds like your HV has been patient and understanding and you're worrying unnecessarily about something unlikely- nothing you have said sounds like you need a referral to social services at all. Your HV is there to support you as well, you've got nothing to worry about, you're a good mum.

This is absolutely not true

Nothing in what you've said would result in a referral to social services. Nothing you said or did was an issue. Being upset due to a recent bereavement is normal (as is a toddler tantrum) and it sounds like the HV was very sensible to reschedule for another appointment at home.

I am so sorry for your loss.

Please do not worry. It is understandable that you were upset and kids have tantrums all the time. You have rescheduled the appointment. There is no reason at all to report you to ss.

It is, unless they think that telling you would put your child at further risk

I'm worried incase that conversation is coming 😪

its not true I’ve been reported before and they didn’t tell me beforehand

Kindly: do you know how much genuine awfulness HVs see on a daily bit? Someone who is a bit upset because of a recent bereavement really doesn't register at all; if it did, virtually every family in the country would be monitored by SS.

Please try not to worry.

*daily basis

It mostly sounds like she knew it was a tough time and clearly a bad day, so let’s do this another time. I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about.

I just wanted the ground to swallow me whole. She also had a tantrum midway and she asked if she gets her way at home by having tantrums but i just joked she gets away with more with Dad!

There's nothing to worry about. There's nothing at all that would warrant a referral to social services! It's irrational to think otherwise. It's ok to be upset and show it after a recent bereavement. It's ok if your child has a tantrum and you have to pick them up. The HV will have seen it all before and it wouldn't have caused any alarm to her.

I'm just worried i looked a bit unstable. She got me extra support a year or so ago when i still had issues with postnatal depression she signposted me to a mental health service.

A 2 year old having a tantrum - perfectly normal. Not fun, but nothing to apologise or worry about.

I've worked in a similar role to a HV and performed dozens of social services referrals. Nothing you have said about the visit would even be on my radar for a referral. You have nothing to worry about.

I'm sure there's nothing to worry about, tantrums etc and being upset are normal! As long as there is no neglect or abuse, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. HVs see loads of stuff, what happened with you is probably super normal for them!

@Whisperedew They don't. If they have reasonable cause to believe it could impact on the safety of the child, then they don't have to tell the parent.

She absolutely won't and even if shes completely mad an decided to make a referral, it wouldn't meet any threshold.

I have cried (and occasionally sobbed!) in front of almost every healthcare worker I came into contact with following the birth of my firstborn (and still do fairly often to be honest!) due to a stressful birth/post-birth experience and PND. Never received a referral to SS, just lots of hugs and additional support! Please try not to worry. And as for the tantrum, I'm sure they've seen much worse!!

I think i was more embarrassed about it all and maybe not thinking rationally! I came home from health visitor and ugly cried! I was hesitant to go back on anti-depressants but think i may have to. I think the HV will get a better assessment of my daughter at home.
I'm forever scared of losing my daughter, especially after what has happened 😪 And today made me worry.

You have enough going on without worrying you are going to be reported. Be kind to yourself you've been through alot and they will understand. They are there to support and if you need a bit of additional help including speaking to your doctor then there's no shame in that. Have a nice bath a cuppa or a glass of wine and breathe. It will all be OK, big hugs x

So if HV does feel we need extra support then she'll maybe visit more?