Made a big mistake

[Hanstarlucky]

Please no hate as I already know I’ve botched this up. Since my daughter was born she has slept next to me….then it migrated to sleeping in my bed and now she’s 6 🫣. It’s my own fault I know and I’ve mucked up dramatically

is it too late to do anything?

No! But you need to take a period to incentivise her back into her own bed. I had a sticker chart with DD when shr got to 6amd it worked great

Thankyou so much I’m going to try that x

You haven't mucked up at all. Lots of people co sleep, even to that age.
I'm currently lay next to my 8 year old who alternates with my 6 year old.
Stop if you want to, but not because you feel you have to. You've done nothing wrong whatsoever.

Well no, it's not too late! Kids are very adaptable. Does she have her own room/ space set up? Has she ever slept away from home?

I would get this set up really nicely first. You could both have a 'holiday' in there together? You could put her to bed first and shift the time you go in later and later, a sort of gradual retreat approach?

I'm sure people will have other options too!

It's fine, you should be able to move her on. Just be gentle and accept it won't be overnight.

Some people raise really badly behaved kids, this is nothing

I feel so much better after these kind posts. I think the advice is slowly slowly and I will attempt this x

Well maybe a much wanted gift off Santa if she is in her room reliably by Christmas?

Thankyou that’s some great advice. She had a sleepover at her friends house and managed there but they slept in the same bed!

Yes!!!!! That is a really good idea! She reacts well to incentives so will try that. She can be a bit stubborn but I feel much more confident now with these suggestions.

You know, she really won't be in there when she's 26.

Six is so little still.

Does she have her own bedroom that is appealing? I would make sure that is a thing so that she knows it's an option.

Do you mind her sleeping in your bed? If somebody could erase the parental guilt and say actually, it's a really positive thing, would that make you feel better? If it's not causing a problem for you, and she knows that she has the option to sleep in her own bed, then I wouldn't worry about it at all.

If you don't like it, and want to stop, then yes there are gentle ways to stop. Cuddling her to sleep in her bed and then spending less and less of the night in there with her is a lovely idea, and much what I did with DS1 when I wanted to stop co-sleeping with him.

It isn't a mistake, pls don't beat yourself up.

Cosleeping is a wonderful thing, if it works for you. Don't give it up if you don't need / want to.

But if you do, try making her bedroom a space she will want to spend time / sleep in.

Look at the gradual retreat method if she doesn't go into her own bed from the off (some kids do, some don't).

But don't rush it and don't beat yourself up.

As a PP said, she won't be in your bed when she's 26 LOL so don't worry.

Sleeping next to your child is a wonderful thing, you're giving her safety and security x

My 8 year old son still appears in my bed at some point most nights. I spent years fighting it when he was little before accepting that we all get more sleep if we just roll with it.
now the visits are becoming less frequent, I know it won’t be too much longer before he stops coming in at all and I’ll miss his early morning snuggles and waking up to him stroking my face and telling me I’m beautiful.
Does it really matter if she comes into your bed? Obvs if it is affecting your sleep it’s a different matter, but don’t punish yourselves over something that is really common and natural. I’m sure she’ll grow out of it in her own time.

I'm lying here with an 8.5 year old and a 6 year old in my bed.
I bought a super king but they still squash me. Whenever I feel annoyed by their presence I remind myself that it's not forever (their older sister has left home 🫶🏼) and I will miss them when they're gone.
These two have never once slept in their own beds 🙈 I do suggest it frequently, and also if they're dicking around I remind them it's my bed and they're welcome to go and mess about in their own room if they want to! Soon stop being silly 😜

I still sleep with my 6 yo DS from birth. And I'm in no rush...we only just got 8 yo DS from DH bed to his own room where he still struggles but gets on with it now. He still bursts in around now to say goodnight and hugs. It won't be forever. ! But incentives are good too if that's what you want. Good luck

I loved sleeping with mine beyond this age. No mess up at all.

My child is fast asleep next to me and she's 7.

She sleeps in her own bed maybe 5 times a month.

She's still little and if she feels she needs that comfort then I'm not going to deny it.

You've not fucked up.

Currently in bed with my almost six year old and almost three year old! It works for us as my husband works nights so it has always been less faff for me to get them to sleep and during any night wakings.

I often feel mum guilt about it, largely because society says it's A Bad Thing. But they are both sociable, confident, independent and bright. It's not doing them any damage. They really won't be here forever and as previous posters have said, I will miss them when they are gone.

Plus I love waking up to their little faces 🥰

I co-sleep with my 4yr old and will continue to do so until she's ready to go. She's got her own room and her own double bed which she spends lots of time in - but at bedtime she'll sleep in with me.

She's only going to be small for a little while. Plus she's a perfect little bedmate; she doesn't move far from her own side and sometimes, in the dead of night, she'll reach over to hold my hand. 🥺

.... this winter we gonna be needing all the heat we can GET SHARING 🤣

I said this to my sister recently, DD is like a hot water bottle! You'd best believe I'm keeping her in with me. Plus don't have to heat an extra bedroom then. There you are OP, justify it by telling yourself you're economising.

Honestly. You haven't messed up.

As a previous poster said, kids are adaptable. My DD aged 9 shares her time between me and her dad. At his she never gets in at his unless she's ill, and even then dad gets thrown out and she stays with her stepmum.

at mine, meh, I wake up nearly every morning with her in bed next to me. At weekends we start in my bed. In winter we take up hot chocolate and snuggle in bed and chat.

she will stop when she's ready.

if you don't mind it, don't feel you have to stop it because mum guilt/society makes you think you should. Enjoy it and it will sort out later on.

🤣🤣🤣🤣

Thankyou all for your posts!!! I have to admit one of the mums at the school got ripped apart from the other mums for the same situation as me so I’ve just felt more and more guilty about it. Now I’m just going to forget what they think. It’s been so encouraging and reassuring the posts, Thankyou all ❤️

I've never known any teenagers who want to sleep with their parents, they will make the move when they're ready. It's only an issue if you want it to stop.

My 5 year old starts off in her bed but often comes in to me in the early hours if she wakes up. I think it's more frequent than you'd think. There seems to be a lot of pressure to get them to self soothe and send them off on their merry way - which is fine if that's how you decide to deal with it and works for your family, but it's not the only way.

My 7 year old won't go to sleep without one of us, albeit in her room, and appears in our bed most nights. My 11 year old used to come into our bed quite a bit, but that stopped a few years ago, I can't remember when.