How much of an effort do you make with other school parents?

[3boysandadog23]

My son has just started year 1 and though I find some parents generally quite friendly there are quite a few in his class who make very little effort to say hello on the school run.

I’m generally friendly to anyone and everyone and like to make an effort particularly on the school run for my son’s sake.

Do you make much of an effort to talk to people? Trying to work out if I’m just way to sensitive as to whether people are friendly or not and need to get a life, or if people are actually quite unfriendly.

Do you think it’s detrimental to children (as in the friends they make and the parties they get invited to) if you make little or no effort with others? I worry a lot about my child’s friendships and being happy at school for some reason. I’m aware that I am probably thinking way to much into this!

I make no effort at all and have no contact with any of the other parents apart from a nodded hello every now and then. It has not affected my dc's friendships as we live close to the school and they've made friends just by playing out on the street.

I tried to be chatty in reception with others but it was Covid and the space etc made it hard. Somewhere along the way cliques formed and I'm not part of them so I admit I am a bit of a loner on the playground at school run, which sucks a bit. My DC goes to breakfast club a few days a week and after school club some days so I'm on the playground a lot less than other parents, which hasn't helped. I am a bit resigned now to being outsider and so I make little effort now!

I make an effort to be friendly and approachable. We moved to a town where we had absolutely zero connections so we’re building a support network from scratch. Tbh, i mainly do this for my kids. I’m quite happy with my own company 😆

Literally none. I say hello to the regulars, that's it. Off to work as soon as they're dropped off; ain't nobody got time for that. 👋🏼

I've 3 children, with only 2 now at primary. I've been a part of that school for 12 years and can't be arsed with playground politics.

... oh and it's most definitely not detrimental to your children's experience. They really don't care. School is their little bubble, not outside of the gates.

✌🏼

When my children were at school you had the friendly mums and the mums who stayed in the played way after the children went into class to chat and were rather bitchy . I steered clear of those mums . I just went in dropped off my mums said hello and left . I used to work part time so I was grateful of the excuse to hurry off.
I never felt it harmed their social lives . They got invited to parties , had a string network of friends . Some of their friends mums are still my good friends now .

I think my level of effort reduced with each subsequent DC.

I'm a Year 1 mum too. We walk to school most days, the end if our route is a stretch of narrow path. It makes me laugh the amount of people that blank me eveyday for a year when we're literally shoulder to shoulder 😂 what's the harm in saying hello or morning! 🤷🏻‍♀️

There's the parents up for a chat and the ones that aren't. It's not you.. don't worry about it.

I've got two very good friends now that I met as parents of my children and I wouldn't be without them but I had to talk to a lot of frogs before I found them.

I work full time and have no time for playground chats. Maybe it affects them when young because play dates are arranged because the parents are friends. But not when they are older.

No, I make no effort at all now. A couple of people I will say hello to but no one else, especially not to those unfriendly cliques that hang out in packs at the school gates. But this has never affected my children’s in class friendships.

My first born, I made it my mission to know parents & kids names. Spoke to literally everyone. Had play dates / mums nights / parties etc etc
Threw myself right in.

Second born, absolutely nothing. I don't even make eye contact.

I started out being friendly but the cliquey nastiness and the politics got me down.

The 'smart mums' with their new cars and coffee mornings always trying to put one over or exclude the less affluent ones annoyed me, so I retreated and let DS to work out who he wanted to be friends with.

I'm always happy to host his friends and have no problem providing tea to a friend or two but anything more involves taking sides and I don't want to.

To buck the trend a bit here, I have made quite a bit of playground effort and I like the school run every day because there is always someone around to have a quick chat with. Had some really good nights out and have made some lovely friends. Whilst it hasn’t been easy to maintain this over all the kids, I’d say it is nice to know the parents a bit, especially as the kids get older and there is sleepovers etc.

I had four at primary and made zero effort over all the years. I don't find making small talk comfortable, especially in groups. I would always chat if someone beside me addressed me, but that's it. It doesn't come naturally to me to gossip and talk at the school gates with a bunch of people...it isn't about being aloof or unfriendly. It's just hard and I'd rather not.

I didn’t find it an effort at all and made lots of friends at the school gate. I just chatted to whoever was there. I found it a great way to get to know people when I’d moved to a new village (twice). It was more about friends for me than for my children; they did that bit quite effectively themselves.

I made a real effort both times because we live in an area far from DH and my families and had no support network when the kids were born. I now have friends to lift share or babysit in an emergency and I reciprocate for them too, we often have lift share kids home to ours for dinner until their parents can pick them up and same for my kids at other houses too.

I WFH in isolation quite a bit and I find the school run is a chance I get to socialise with people. It's also made it easier as becoming acquainted with my child's friends parents has lead to more play dates and really helped her bond with people outside of school. It has also helped her with communicating with adults who are not teachers or us (her parents) which I like to encourage as feeling confident with people outside your direct age group a great skill to have later in life.

I didn’t, as I mainly dropped them at wraparound care before school. They are now very happy adults and parents themselves. It sounds as though you’re criticising parents who don’t “make an effort”, in which case you are indeed overthinking this on their behalf.

I talked to lots of people, made lots of friends, used to meet for coffees and stand in a group chatting in the playground. Still very good friends now despite the DC all being teens.

I’m a naturally very sociable person and I can’t imagine not wanting to do that, but I’m sure for others, getting in and out without making eye contact suits them better.

I made very little effort, I smiled if I caught someone's eye and replied nicely if someone spoke to me. I never made a cake for the cake stall and I only ever went to one PTA thing before realising it was just not my thing.

Do you think it’s detrimental to children (as in the friends they make and the parties they get invited to) if you make little or no effort with others? Not at all. I think a quiet parent is an asset.

I honestly think all that playground performance stuff is about the parents, and is of no benefit to the kids really. I know a lot of the kids now they are older - they appear no happier than mine. They had dramas in primary and fell out with people like all kids do.

Depends what mood I'm in. I usually only do the school run on a Friday only (my day off work) and I chat then. If I'm doing it during the week then I'm also working and need to rush home so I don't have time to chit chat. There is a bit of a divide between working and non-working mums at our school. The latter are more sociable, hang out for coffee etc.

I’m very nice to other parents and I’ll sometimes have the odd chat. I’m in and out of that school gate very quickly but still, I will find a moment to be friendly. I’m god at big smiles and a generous wave from across the deep blue sea of uniforms. If you’ve had a baby, I’ll buy you a gift. Ditto if you’re moving away, etc. I’m friendly but distant friendly.
I have been SO burnt by other parents that the thought of forming friendships at the school gate sends shivers down my spine. My youngest is in year 4. I’ve been on the school playground for 16 years and I’ve learned to keep a friendly but HUGE distance.
My youngest doesn’t do play dates or sleepovers. I think he finds his long day at school enough- he is autistic and his social experiences are different than those of his older siblings. Also, I just have NO room for drama or parental expectations or gossip, especially with an autistic child who is a target for others’ judgements at the best of times.
I do help out with school trips and I do support school activities and groups like our local cycling one. If it really delivers support to the school, I’ll dedicate myself. But if it involves coffee and listening to parents moan about the teacher or other children, no way. I don’t touch gossip. It really ruins people’s lives and I’ve experienced that ruin-by-boredom firsthand.

I’m god a big smiles??? 🤣
Wow! Such a high opinion of myself!
Let’s dial that back to ‘good’ at big smiles.

None. School run/primary school culture is one of the surprisingly hateful parts of parenting in my experience.