Does it really get better?? PND + newborn life

[Captain1822]

Hi all, I’m sorry that this has probably been posted multiple times already, but I’m really hoping someone could tell me their positive post natal depression stories?

I was diagnosed with PND+PPA by my GP, started my antidepressants 3 weeks ago and since then I have thankfully felt an improvement but I know there’s still a way to go.
I was really hoping for some success stories to convince me that things will continue to get better.

I had my DS 10 weeks ago, he’s absolutely gorgeous and a much wanted baby. He’s struggling with colic and (suspected) undiagnosed reflux which is making life very difficult right now and I’m scared things aren’t going to get better.

I always wanted to be a mum and have yearned for a child for years but I feel like I’d romanticised the idea in my mind and my new reality is just not enjoyable.

Honestly, I never expected this to be this hard and I’m struggling to adjust to this new life. It’s been so overwhelming and I don’t want to feel like this forever.
All I see is people around me who seem to be handling it much better than I am and it’s so sad that I’m wishing away the weeks until the golden ‘it gets better at blah blah stage’ happens.
I feel like I have bonded with DS and I do love him, but I just feel so uncomfortable with this new life we are living that I wish time would pass.

I dream of days playing with toy dinosaurs and family trips to the zoo, making dens in the front room and all the ‘firsts’ we can do together. Maybe I’m just not a baby person?

DH works long hours which means I’m alone with the baby for nearly 15 hours a day, 4/5 days a week, except for when my mum visits which is always nice to have the company. But in general all days feel the same, like I’m repeating the same day over and over.

I haven’t had a break away from my boy yet as I feel too guilty, though I desperately wish I could. I’m worried I wouldn’t truly miss him if I went but I’d come back from a sense of duty more than longing. Partner does take him for walks/ helps when he’s home, but secretly it never feels like enough.

My son smiles and babbles alot and really lights up when he spots me, which fills me with more joy than I could ever imagine. Sometimes only I can soothe him during his fussy hours and have the magic touch to get him to sleep, so I must be doing an okay job? All his needs are met and he is so cared for and loved.

I just feel so lost.

I don’t regret having him at all, but I’m desperate for pieces of my old life back. Every time I try to do something I enjoy, to work it into my new normal, it never works and I end up feeling worse.

I feel like I’ve made this permanent change to my life that I’m not truly enjoying and now I have to accept that this is my life now.

Does it really get better?

HAHA! I wrote something MUCH worse than this a year ago when my baby was born. Oh my god it was SO bad. I honestly regretted having her. At some point I just walked to my husband and told him I think I'm going crazy. Because it literally felt that I'm losing my mind. I had no connection with my baby, no love. I was a wreck. Constantly anxious and hating my life and reading on 100 sites minimum if things really get better. And then I read somewhere that the newborn phase is actually easier than toddlerhood. PFFFFFFF no~

Soo... my baby is now 14 months. Is it better now? YES. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS.
She sleeps 12-14 hours uninterrupted at night in her crib and takes a looong 2-3 hour nap during the day. Which leaves enough time to do things I used to do like reading a book, watching a show and just doing whatever.
Okay what else. Milk? Colic? Reflux? Thing of the past. Does she still throw up sometimes? Yes. Does it bother me? Barely, I slept 12 hours. Hell. No.
She feeds herself mostly. It's quite a mess but you get used to it and just clean up afterwards. Only one milk bottle in the evening. Not a baby stuck to my boob or a bottle all day long. She even crawls to her bottle and drinks from it without my help. All I have to do is fill it up in the morning and during the day when it's empty.
She smiles, she laughs and starts to have her own sense of humor. Ummmm what else?
She doesn't poop as much and it's usually not the kind that's hard to clean.
She cuddles with me. Actually. Cuddles. It's the cutest thing I can't explain in words how it makes my heart melt.
I used to argue with my husband all the time now it's just pretty often lol. But that's a shit husband problem.
She's very mobile. This causes some problems sometimes but IDK I honestly think this is way easier than having a non stop crying baby that wakes up multiple times a night and won't be settled. When my daughter cries I usually know what's up. I'm finally confident being a mum because I gained some experience. I'm also just starting this whole mum journey, but please trust me. This gets so much easier, you won't believe it. Will there still be hard times now and then? Yes. But never as bad as the first few months.

PPD comes from being completely stressed out and sleep deprived. It's nothing you've done wrong. No one could prepare you for how hard this is going to be. The baby will start sleeping longer stretches every month at least and become more interactive.

All I can say is put the baby in the sling and go about your day. Don't try to be the perfect mum, just survive and make sure you're happy and well rested. You don't have to have the cleanest house, the "smartest" baby who already knows Chinese numbers at age 1. Don't expect anything from yourself and just relax.

Sorry for the long post!

I just noticed this is an old thread but maybe it helps someone who's browsing the net

Now my child is almost 4 and it’s so easy. Sooooooo easy. Can use the toilet by herself. Eats by herself. Stays in her room for hours. Everything is so easy

I know this is a very old thread now, but I want to thank every single person who took the time to the read and comment. I was in a really dark place with my PPD+PPA and I can’t tell you how incredibly helpful and heartwarming it was to be reassured by such kind words.

If anyone is reading this thread and feeling a similar way, or returning to it years after, I want to tell you how much better it gets and how different my life looks now. I’d read countless threads and stories of depressed and regretful mums stating that they got better after x many weeks, that everything improved and they felt back to normal after how ever long, never truly believing that it would be the same for me.

But.
My son is now 4, and he is genuinely the light of my life. He’s goofy and funny, insightful and creative and so, so clever. He’s currently on the pathway for an ASD diagnosis, and whilst we have our challenges, he’s the best thing that ever happened to me.
I didn’t truly begin to feel ‘normal’ until he was at-least 2.5- 3. Looking back, I can see how deeply I was affected by sleep deprivation and that many of my problems could have been eased by getting a good sleep and letting go of all the guilt I was feeling. Around 2.5, I started to take time for myself and no longer felt so crushed by guilt when I did. I started projects again, allowed myself to get back into little hobbies I’d long since abandoned and tried to find my own happiness in the every day.

Going back to work very part time when he was around 1.5 really changed things for me too. Getting away for a little while, spending time out of the house and getting stuck back in to working really helped. If I’d had the resources, I’d have returned on more hours for a better balance but it wasn’t to be.

I was never able to have another child. I truly believe that I developed a touch of PTSD from those early days and I never wanted to risk getting PPD again as I worked hard to get better and make it through. But that’s alright for us.

He’s just started school and we are all thriving. We all have a good balance now and though it’s not always easy, it’s infinitely better than those early days that are bittersweet for me now.

So glad to see your update - it reflects a lot of what I felt, down to the PTSD about havkng another child (DD is now 7),and not believeong the 'it gets better' posts. It honestly does. We dont talk enough about any of it, and I definitely felt a lot more balanced when I was also able to be me, as well as a mother.

Many of us who struggle with the early years find that the fog clears and we can genuinely enjoy the school years. Conversely, I know a lot of people who loved the earliest years and are really struggling with the school years and all that they bring.

Love this update @Captain1822, Im sure it will give other mothers reassurance if they find this is a tough place

Lovely to hear your update and yes, it does help other people to read that there was light at the end of the tunnel. I wish I’d been able to read things like this 20 years ago - it would have helped. (Pre smart-phone and tablet era for most, although I found Mumsnet when one of my friends told me she’d been on her PC at 4am to get feeding advice). One of the great things about the site is the sense of community, especially for those of us that don’t have help in the baby years or are carers for others, as well as having young children. It is very helpful to know that others get it.

Thanks for updating and wishing you and your family all the best. X

Thank you all xx