Mum making me feel really guilty about 3 year old going to school

[threetimesacharm]

My 3 year old starts school next week, the nursery half days from 9-11:45. He already attends private nursery and loves going there and has come on a lot being around other kids and socially. I was showing my mum his school uniform, even the half days they want them in proper uniform and she was saying it’s just wrong, he’s so young, he shouldn’t have to wear a uniform and go to school, they’re only young once and he’s just turned 3, it’s not right. She said that none of us started school until we turned 5 and she was legally obliged to enrol us but that we were her babies for as long as we could be

I just feel really guilty now, to be honest I was thinking it’ll largely be the same as his nursery but will save me a lot of money and that it’s good for him to have a year like this to get used to it before starting full time at 4. Apparently it’s wrong to start him full time then anyway. She was a stay at home mum, it was different for her, I work a couple of days a week so it’s just not as easy. He’s only going to school 3 mornings a week for now, he is staying in nursery two days a week but when I go off on maternity in January he will go 4 mornings and apparently that’s me pushing him out for the baby, when really it’s just swapping a full nursery day for a school half day.

Am I doing the right thing and she’s just got an outdated way of thinking? Or should I be prioritising keeping him with me more?

I don't think her view is necessarily outdated in that a lot of people do still choose to keep their kids with them until they have to start school. But like you say, they're normally stay at home mums. And your lo is not starting school, he may have to wear a nursery uniform but in my experience (many years as an early years teacher) the school nursery runs very similarly to any other nursery, just a little more work towards school preparation. And the socialisation is great for them, you definitely don't need to feel any guilt! My little girl will be doing 3 days a week when she turns three, which is more hours than I work, but I think it will benefit her. And I'm speaking as someone who loves having her at home with me.

He's not going to school, he's going to a nursery within a school. This is probably not helpful in.giving your mother the wrong impression.

Oh ignore her. She sounds kind a total drama queen and quite neurotic.

It’s perfectly normal to go to nursery. It’s unusual to wear uniform but it’s not important either way.

It’s weird to refer to kids as babies till they are 5. They are not. And is odd and not good for children not to have some preschool education. That’s why the government offers free hours from 3.

It's not school, it's still nursery. Are you telling her he's starting school? That's probably why she's being off about it. Even with a uniform it's preschool/ nursery which is completely different.

Of course you’re not doing anything wrong. DT’s went to full time nursery from being six months old as I wanted to go back to work. They were at the same nursery until they started school- same as the majority of their friends. They are 23 now and have turned out as well rounded adults without any problems growing up.

My daughter thrived in her school nursery at the same age and it really prepared her for the reception year at school with being familiar with wearing uniform and getting used to the structure. You are doing what works best for your family, Don’t feel guilty at all!

Your mum is being ridiculous, he's not starting school, it's nursery that happens to be located in a school. He will still spend the time running round playing with his friends. Even 'back in the day' your mum probably dropped you off at playgroups etc, so the only difference (beside the uniform) is your DS is with someone qualified in a purposes built classroom not some random in a church hall.

He’s not technically starting school (I presume you’re in the UK?) as they can’t do that until the September after they turn 4.

It sounds like you’re sending him to a maintained nursery attached to a school. In which case it’s really no different than sending him to a pre school (apart from the uniform). Having worked in a school with this set up, the nursery was run separate to the school really, only the leadership team had responsibility for it being effective. There were also really nice opportunities to support transition eg they came to use the large school hall for some PE, they attended a few short assemblies later in the year etc, which really helped when they moved to big school the following year.

Of course, that’s just one setting, but the nursery children would really be too young to be much more involved in the main school than that. You could always ask if you haven’t?

3-4 mornings doesn’t sound much to me. I think your Mum has some different ideas/possible misconceptions about what he’s actually doing.

He'll have an amazing time and you'll have lots to share when he comes home. He'll mix with others his own age and the fact that he'll be wearing uniform will make him feel special. She's a different generation (although probably younger than me!) and has different views. That's fine but you're doing absolutely the right thing

It's not school. I've got friends that do this just because there's a uniform and I don't understand it, just call it nursery!

Bit much that he has to wear uniform for nursery. I think youll soon know if its too much for him and you could put himback in his other nursery if necessary

It’s not school if he’s just turned 3 it’s pre school/ a nursery within a school. So there’s really no difference between this and his current nursery other than having to wear a uniform. Your mum is being ridiculous.

I think your mum has interpreted nursery as being in school, sitting in a classroom and doing lessons. You need to explain that your son is still in a nursery which is attached to a school. At 3, he'll be playing all day with breaks for food and possibly a story. He won't be learning to read.

It's not school, it's nursery
Is it proper uniform because that's crazy?
Our nursery 'uniform' was a polo shirt and jumper with whatever they wanted on the bottom half

Lots (if not the majority) love nursery and all the activities plus playing with friends.

They even like the little uniforms and matching the Big Kids.

When my DD started at the nursery part of her primary school, uniform wasn't mandatory. However I found that most parents chose to put their children in uniform. Often I think because they wanted to be like older siblings.

DD was only 3 half days and too small for the uniform anyway, so i bought a tiny blue sweatshirt and used that for her as a signifier she was going to nursery that morning.

If you are telling your Mum your 3 yo is 'starting school' I'm not surprised she thinks it's too young.

Ignore her. She sounds over dramatic. He’s hardly going to be sitting in rows reciting his alphabet like a Victorian child. He’ll have a great time and it will help him be ready for reception.

It will be preschool or school nursery. It's just within the grounds of an actual school.

Most 3 year olds love mixing with children their own age and thrive at a good preschool setting. They're not sitting doing lessons they are learning through play.

Generally children who attend a school based nursery or present are ahead when they do actually start school.

If the preschool is where he's likely to go to school over the longer term It's a great way to become familiar with the setting and make friends that will be there with him.

I used to be a childminder. I always felt the little children she'd 0 - 3 years really benefitted from my small, home from home setting. Once they hit 3 years old I could really see that they were needing more to keep their interest and some sessions at preschool were perfect for that.

Your mum is entitled to her view and she made her choices. You however, are the one that makes the choices for your child.

She's being unfair, but it's not school anyway, is it? It's nursery.

I don't think she's wrong on the school age though. There's a massive difference developmentally between four and five. But then it depends on the four year old. Mine would have been fine starting school at four, but I kept her out until she was five and in general there's a huge difference emotionally between the older kids in her school year and the younger ones.

Again though: your child, you know them best. She's being ridiculous about nursery. They play. It's basically a half day of play dates.

I wouldn't have sent my kids to a nursery that wore uniform.

Nursery yes.

Uniform no.

I think it's more common in some areas than others, I've family in Wales and I'm not sure if it spans from when they used to have an earlier start age but I know they all went to pre schools with uniform, and called it school even though it was half days.

I take it you are in Wales? I know it's common there to start them in the school nursery at 3 and to call it "school". I think it's a bit odd making a 3yo make a uniform, but if he was already going to nursery I'm not sure it'll be that different?

She's being over dramatic but I personally don't like a uniform at that age. In our preschool (not school) a uniform tracksuit was optional but I was one if the only ones who didn't go for it so it obviously suits many.

Our nursery has a uniform, grey track suit bottoms and a sweatshirt….

I liked the preschool uniform as I Meant her other clothes were free of paint and mud stains. It was polo and shorts, not blazer and tie!