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Parenting

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Original poster

Honestly … are we miles behind where we should be?

61 replies

Catinthesun · 27/08/2022 10:13

DS is 20 months. He seems a bit behind the other children in my NCT group, and I was also part of a November 2020/December 2020 chat thread on here and it’s recently been resurrected and DS seems miles behind so now I’m worried all over again …

My main concerns are language related. He has maybe seventeen words but definitely uses some more than others. He tends to say daddy, car and hiya and baby to the point of obsession, over and over. He says baby to describe any animal, so horses, sheep, frogs etc are all ‘baby.’

He can do the actions to songs like Hokey Cokey, sleeping bunnies, row row the boat. Tries to dress himself but not usually very well, feeds himself, can wash his hands, good independent skills in that sense.

Things he either can’t do or doesn’t do compared to others …

Doesn’t point to show understanding, e.g. ‘where is the cow, point to the train.’ Never has. He does point in other contexts. But it means I don’t know how much he understands, it might be he knows where his head, arm, foot is, but I don’t know.

No animal noises apart from moo and quack quack. Most toddlers I know seem to be able to do this.

Am I just being daft?

OP posts:

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modgepodge · 29/08/2022 10:16

User4223131 · 28/08/2022 23:37

@Catinthesun I’m sure your DS is doing just perfectly OP 😊 my DS is almost 22 months and the amount he changes in a week at the moment is terrifying! They all do everything at their own pace too - my DS has more words and can join more words together than my best friends almost 3 year old. Her 3 year old is still a perfectly normal child - mine just seems to have taken to language really quickly 🤷🏻‍♀️ But her DS has slept 7pm-7am every night since he was 12 weeks old and mine doesn’t seem to know what sleep is 😫

If you have concerns then there’s no harm in chatting to a health visitor and getting their opinion 😊 As others have suggested, the ages and stages questionnaires are quite handy for seeing what kind of skills to be looking out for - but just bear in mind that it’s not expected that your DS can do all of the things on there so don’t panic!

I don’t know if you’ve seen these posts from Speech Sisters on Instagram? I think it’s quite helpful in showing how huge the “normal” range actually is 😊

This is interesting, but would have induced anxiety in me at 18m!! I’d say my daughter was below the ‘milestone’ at 12m and 18m (definitely didn’t have 10 words at 18m, barely one or two) but by 24 months was at the ‘average’ section if not above (I don’t know how many words but I think she was combining more than 2 words) and by 36m was well ahead of the average (chatting away telling extended stories to herself!) Just shows how fast they can change - between 1 year and 2years I was so worried and by this chart she was behind - but between 2 and 3 she just flew. I’m telling you this to put your mind at ease - Yours may well do the same OP. I would say if you are still concerned at 2 it’s worth raising it with the HV, just because the wait for speech therapy will be long (months if not years on the NHS) - but you can always join the list and remove yourself if your sons speech improves on its own with time and you think he doesn’t need it anymore. Better than waiting til 3 and then joining the list and waiting then.

BertieBotts · 29/08/2022 17:27

That graph is showing the 10th / 50th / 75th centiles, so just an idea of a typical range. The actual lower limit of "should I be concerned?" is babbling at 12 months, 1 word at 18 months and 25 words at 24 months.

Somethingsnappy · 29/08/2022 17:28

Your DS sounds gorgeous and perfect op! My DS is 20 months too. Its funny how we compare, isn't it? Remember, the things you read are when people are proud of their child's achievements. They're not going to list the things their child can't do yet, are they? So it skews things. My DS is my 4th child, so I'm super relaxed about milestones, etc this time around. Even so, on reading your post, I couldn't help thinking 'oh dear, my DS isn't doing a couple of those things yet' (that yours can do). He isn't trying to dress himself yet, and isn't very good at feeding himself either, except finger food. They are all further on in some respects, and not in others! My DS is telling me before he does a poo etc now, but it's unusual in my experience. My other 3 children were not doing that at the same age. Likewise, my DS has pretty good vocab, but as the 4th child, he has endless input, and each of my children's language has been better than the one before at these kind of ages.

Your DS sounds like his understanding is excellent. The pointing thing will come, as you said he's already pointing in other situations. My DS has only just started pointing in the last couple of weeks, when I ask him to 'show me the duck' in a book, etc etc. Before that he would just do a vague kind of unspecific flourish!

Honestly, your DS sounds wonderful!

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Noimaginationforaun · 29/08/2022 17:33

We adopted our LO at 23 months. They could only make noises and point to get our attention. The very odd word like ‘daddy’. HV wasn’t concerned as he was making noises and knew the noises got attention.

Anyway, he’s just turned 3 and never stops talking. They’re absolutely fine. We just carried on as we were - read lots of books, constantly narrated our day to them, played a lot and talked, sang nursery rhymes, they also started nursery. The speed in which they caught up was crazy. Literally from very few words and noises to putting 3 words together in a few months and now it’s full conversations.

Speak to your HV but give him a little more time (and ignore all the wonder children you read about)

Original poster

Catinthesun · 29/08/2022 19:41

You lot are stars, you really are. I was initially a bit alarmed by @BertieBotts list but I’ll go with the first one!

Its helped me see he actually does a lot. When he sees a picture of food in a book he makes an ‘MMMmmm’ noise. He can also now say milk, not very clearly, and he’s trying to say apple.

So he’s doing well, he’s under the weather today, but he’s really tried.

OP posts:

Goldfishjones · 29/08/2022 20:33

BertieBotts · 28/08/2022 20:43

This all sounds normal to me. DS1 and DS3 pointed at about a year but DS2 didn't until later. They only do animal noises if you teach them animal noises, lots of people teach them because it's a good party trick but if you're not into presenting your toddler as a performing monkey then it probably wouldn't occur to you, and that's fine. Nobody has ever asked at a job interview how many animal noises somebody knew when they were 18 months old.

I always look at ICAN Talking Point for language development info, and I believe that they say the line for talking at 2 years (so in 4 months' time) is at least 25 words including sounds and gestures. It seems likely that he will have that by then. And the current milestone (18 months) is that he should have at least one word. Which he's exceeded with flying colours.

IME it's more 2 and a half where they have the complete language explosion. Someone once told me when my first was really little "Boys have one word by one, two words at two and sentences by the third birthday. Don't worry if he doesn't talk." I have enough experience now to recognise that's a bit simplistic, but it's something I kept in mind and it helped. The process of learning to talk is much longer than I had realised before I had a baby!

The self care skills sound more advanced than I would expect. I think you notice what other children can do, that yours can't, and don't notice other children not doing things that yours can (so don't realise the areas where they are ahead). Basically, compare your son to your son 3-6 months ago. Don't compare him to others :)

20 months is incredibly early for any potty training stuff - I think people just get excited and see signs that aren't there. Don't stress! And bilingualism isn't a sign of intelligence or anything, it's just what happens when children are exposed to multiple languages at home. They don't even really understand that it's not all one big pool at that age.

I also find that my third (the only one with a close in age older sibling) is picking up language so much faster than DS1 or 2 did at his age. Remember with these threads, some of them will be younger siblings so they have older ones to model from. A lot of parents will also exaggerate. You also get kids on all stages of the bell curve - some slightly ahead of average, some slightly behind - and a few weeks (bearing in mind on those MN threads you get babies 6 weeks apart!) or couple of months can make a huge amount of difference at this age. Long term it doesn't matter and you won't be able to tell. Development isn't something that you can control very much - you might hinder it if you were being neglectful, but other than that it happens when it happens. Normal is a range, not a point on a chart. Making short 2-3 word sentences AND having only 10-15 words are both within the totally normal range at 20 months.

This is an excellent post!

Jacky86 · 29/08/2022 21:43

Hi, my little boy is also 20 months and I have exactly the same worries! I was making myself sick with worry comparing him to other children. One thing I did do was get his ears checked to rule out glue ear and while I was with the doctor they referred him for SALT because there’s a 6-8 month wait in my area and the doctor said it would be better to put his name down now rather than coming back in 6 months. I feel so much more relaxed now because there’s nothing else I can do except enjoy him!

Sprogletsmum2 · 29/08/2022 21:50

The messages from your groups sound like bullshit tbh. I have 4 dc. Some of my dc did more than your dc at 20 months and some did less.
Definitely don't worry about being bilingual or potty trained your dc is a baby!

gogohmm · 29/08/2022 21:56

Dd2 had no language until 2. She's an adult with a top degree and brilliant career

bakewellbride · 29/08/2022 22:04

There is no 'where we should be' so just scrap that whole idea. They all do different things at different ages.

Your child is a total individual who will do things at his own pace. Stop comparing with others and worrying needlessly. He isn't even 2 yet, still a little baby.

morescrummythanyummy · 29/08/2022 22:14

I'd agree with all the reassurance on this thread. He sounds lovely and totally within the normal spectrum.

One more thing on the animal noises is that liking performing on cue is also a personality thing. My son, who is 18 months, won't do the animal thing at all. He actually does have quite a lot of words that I have heard him use once or twice, but almost all of the ones he uses regularly are useful/command words that he uses when he wants something (maybe I am just very slow off the mark at non verbal cues as my daughter was the same!), aside from "duck", which he just loves.

I have heard him say "cow" and "moo" spontaneously once before now, but he actually just doesn't want to perform for anyone, so if you ask him the question as to what sound a cow makes he just blanks it or says the wrong sound, which I think he does on purpose as a joke. Some of it is just personality and what they find interesting.

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