Honestly … are we miles behind where we should be?

[Catinthesun]

DS is 20 months. He seems a bit behind the other children in my NCT group, and I was also part of a November 2020/December 2020 chat thread on here and it’s recently been resurrected and DS seems miles behind so now I’m worried all over again …

My main concerns are language related. He has maybe seventeen words but definitely uses some more than others. He tends to say daddy, car and hiya and baby to the point of obsession, over and over. He says baby to describe any animal, so horses, sheep, frogs etc are all ‘baby.’

He can do the actions to songs like Hokey Cokey, sleeping bunnies, row row the boat. Tries to dress himself but not usually very well, feeds himself, can wash his hands, good independent skills in that sense.

Things he either can’t do or doesn’t do compared to others …

Doesn’t point to show understanding, e.g. ‘where is the cow, point to the train.’ Never has. He does point in other contexts. But it means I don’t know how much he understands, it might be he knows where his head, arm, foot is, but I don’t know.

No animal noises apart from moo and quack quack. Most toddlers I know seem to be able to do this.

Am I just being daft?

My DD was speech delayed. I found the book 'Baby Talk' by Dr Sally Ward helpful, and it was very readable.

Thanks, I know there’s a two year review, but it’s hard to say because we are still four months shy of that which is a lot at this age.

My main worry mostly is have I not done things right? Have I not read enough books, have I not spoken to him enough, has he been in nursery too much? All silly I am sure but you do worry as a parent when there seem to be differences between yours and others … but it’s hard to know if there are or not. And it is so helpful when others say what theirs were like at this age.

Thank you.

Are you able to get to any playgroups/toddler classes? Or meet up with other mums with similar aged DC? Sometimes seeing others in person can help - there's such a wide range of 'normal' when it comes to development and might put your mind at ease. Definitely also worth giving the HV a call if you're really concerned.

I do but I tend to find it’s that which alarms me more so than when it’s just us. I know I can ring my HV but I don’t really want to do that unless I’m sure something could be wrong, many people on here seem to think there isn’t which I’m relieved about!

He sounds completely fine. My DS is the same age and he has little friends who are around the same age, and some have less speech and some have a lot more.

I worked in childcare for more than a decade before I had him, and have seen lots of toddlers and they're all so so varied. Comprehension is the most important thing, and it sounds like he has that. And by the time they're 3/4/5 you really can't tell which ones could talk before they were 2 and which ones couldn't.

Thanks so much, @addler , we were on a thread together in the early days! I can’t remember which name I had then, but our DSs are a week apart I think. I’m fairly confident his comprehension is good but without responding to my questions it is a bit hard to be totally confident of that.

My son was born in December 2020 and he sounds really similar.
he doesn’t know tonnes of animal noises and no way would we be close to potty training him yet.
I love to watch him learn new things and I just enjoy it and go with the flow.
I left our NCT what’s app group for exactly this reason as it became a competition for who’s child can do this first and boasting over milestones.
I Started to feel bad about myself and how I have done things. Until I started to realise that he’s my child and I parent in my own way.
Leaving the group and just enjoying my son has helped tonnes.
Comparison is the thief of joy!
I think your little one sounds great and your doing a wonderful job.
I see it that just like adults, every child is different. We learn differently, enjoy different things and go at our own pace.
I just make sure I chat constantly to my little one, tell him about things, read, show him and allow his curiosity to flourish :-)

@Catinthesun a couple of those comments you copy and pasted were mine, and as I pointed out - yes he is advanced at language but is 22 months and can't walk yet. All kids have strengths in different areas and will develop in some ways quicker than others.

When mine was 18 months we called a speech therapist for advice because she was hardly saying anything. Her advice was to stop saying "what's that?" while pointing at a picture of a dog etc because it's pressurising and annoying, consider a hearing test if you're worried about that, and otherwise wait and see when she's 2.

She's now 24 months and her speech is really advanced. Can't get herself dressed or wash her hands though, and nowhere near ready for potty training 🤷‍♀️

I realise that, I am not criticising any of those replies but it doesn’t mean that they aren’t relevant. These children are all my sons age but are all speaking a lot more, so I do need to know what is normal. As you recognise yourself - you are getting help with your DS walking.

We have had a hearing test and all fine. Plus, he does respond to us and talk to us, just hasn’t got many actual words.

Oh I think I remember! How are you doing now? We have are having the most wonderful toddler tantrums such big feelings in such small people. But he's so funny and sweet too!

One of his friends has amazing vocabulary, can sing nursery rhymes and just talks constantly. But he's also a rubbish eater and sleeper.

DS is probably average for speech I'd say, I'm not concerned about him at all but I've definitely had a lot of nanny kids who were further along than him at this stage. But he's quite physical and is very good at climbing and using his body in different ways.

I didn't talk until I was 2.5, and one day just started talking in full sentences. So the comprehension was there, I just didn't want to talk for whatever reason. It's amazing how quickly kids can have a massive jump in their development!

Oh dear lord, the tantrums 😂 DS does slap me and DH sometimes if he’s very angry. He slapped DH the other day because the Teletubbies went off (because the programme was over) and we say No, no hitting firmly but it’s hard not to smile! He was such a gentle baby, too!

He is so funny though, he is always chuckling. He loves tractors and we live somewhere rural so they go past all the time and he shouts TRACTOR! I’ve started shouting tractor even when he’s not around 😂

He does understand … we were at the park this afternoon and another mum said to him ooh … you have a lion (he was wearing a T shirt with a lion on) and he pointed at it unprompted. I think it’s maybe just those on the spot questions he doesn’t like? How is your DS, addler? I love this age but it’s exhausting

I can see both sides of this.

He sounds completely normal to me having met many toddlers over the years!

I had one child speaking in full sentences by 2 yrs. Another had no words at that age, only really started getting some words around 2.5 years. I was worried too. By school age, both were at pretty much the same level and both are very bright, they just developed differently and they still have different skills now.

I also have an autistic child. Everyone (including health visitor) told me not to worry because "everyone develops differently" but turns out there was actually an issue with him. I was the only one who just "knew" something was different. So don't start panicking at this stage but if you honestly can't shake the thought that something's not right later down the line then bring it up with your health visitor and any childcare settings and see if any of them have concerns.

We've got the hitting too! And the bursting in to tears and then lying face down on the floor or sofa. It's so dramatic but so cute. So hard not to laugh!

But he's great thanks, so funny. Has started making himself laugh which is really cute. And he likes to crawl around on the ground roaring like a lion, which I think is just so cute. But he know likes to drop to the ground and roar at anyone we meet out on the street as well, including strangers

We have another one on the way in a couple of months so will be interesting to see how he goes with that. I don't think he'll be jealous, he's not fussed at all seeing me holding babies etc. and actually seems to prefer DP to me anyway, always has done!

He's also obsessed with tractors too! Actually anything that goes. Buses, cars, trains, fire engines etc. He lost his mind when he went on the tube to the transport museum. Actually shaking and rocking back and forth and making strangled gasps of OHHH WOWWW. Never seen anything like it!

Oh, amazing! Congratulations! We’re TTC -
nothing has happened yet, but I am so old I am so blessed to have this amazing little boy.

DS used to be a real mummy’s boy and still is to an extent. He definitely gets jealous if I fuss or talk to babies or other children 😂

DD was the same as @Pinktruffle 's DC speaking in full sentences by 1.5 years... absolutely would not walk. In fact didn't even try until she was nearly 2.

She's now nearly 6. She can walk. Her running is still questionable (DH and I are not athletes).

Kids grow and develop at different rates, and parents often overstate their children's development.

OP you DS sounds just perfect, same as all the others ☺️

My DS said very little at this age. We had done baby signing and I felt awful because people kept telling me that I should not have encouraged the signing. He was signing away in sentences but saying virtually nothing. Then he just started talking in sentences. He went from a handful of words, to having a fantastic vocabulary. I wouldn't worry, they seem to do things very differently, but most end up in the same place.

Thank you! I hope you get a BFP soon, the waiting game is horrible.

Sounds normal to me. DD was slow in a few areas then seemed to accelerate in word acquisition etc. TBh I would be way more concerned if he didn’t seem to understand things but he understands and can follow through on instructions.

One thing DD’s nursery teacher said to me is when talking to her, talk face to face so she can see my face and the shapes I make with my mouth I even started facing her when reading books in the way a teacher does when reading a picture book to a class. Turns out she knew a load of words she just wasn’t feeling chatty at that point in time. Don’t ask questions make statements and describe things, so instead of “what is that” go “oh look a dog” and then describe the dog etc.

This all sounds normal to me. DS1 and DS3 pointed at about a year but DS2 didn't until later. They only do animal noises if you teach them animal noises, lots of people teach them because it's a good party trick but if you're not into presenting your toddler as a performing monkey then it probably wouldn't occur to you, and that's fine. Nobody has ever asked at a job interview how many animal noises somebody knew when they were 18 months old.

I always look at ICAN Talking Point for language development info, and I believe that they say the line for talking at 2 years (so in 4 months' time) is at least 25 words including sounds and gestures. It seems likely that he will have that by then. And the current milestone (18 months) is that he should have at least one word. Which he's exceeded with flying colours.

IME it's more 2 and a half where they have the complete language explosion. Someone once told me when my first was really little "Boys have one word by one, two words at two and sentences by the third birthday. Don't worry if he doesn't talk." I have enough experience now to recognise that's a bit simplistic, but it's something I kept in mind and it helped. The process of learning to talk is much longer than I had realised before I had a baby!

The self care skills sound more advanced than I would expect. I think you notice what other children can do, that yours can't, and don't notice other children not doing things that yours can (so don't realise the areas where they are ahead). Basically, compare your son to your son 3-6 months ago. Don't compare him to others :)

20 months is incredibly early for any potty training stuff - I think people just get excited and see signs that aren't there. Don't stress! And bilingualism isn't a sign of intelligence or anything, it's just what happens when children are exposed to multiple languages at home. They don't even really understand that it's not all one big pool at that age.

I also find that my third (the only one with a close in age older sibling) is picking up language so much faster than DS1 or 2 did at his age. Remember with these threads, some of them will be younger siblings so they have older ones to model from. A lot of parents will also exaggerate. You also get kids on all stages of the bell curve - some slightly ahead of average, some slightly behind - and a few weeks (bearing in mind on those MN threads you get babies 6 weeks apart!) or couple of months can make a huge amount of difference at this age. Long term it doesn't matter and you won't be able to tell. Development isn't something that you can control very much - you might hinder it if you were being neglectful, but other than that it happens when it happens. Normal is a range, not a point on a chart. Making short 2-3 word sentences AND having only 10-15 words are both within the totally normal range at 20 months.

@Catinthesun I’m sure your DS is doing just perfectly OP 😊 my DS is almost 22 months and the amount he changes in a week at the moment is terrifying! They all do everything at their own pace too - my DS has more words and can join more words together than my best friends almost 3 year old. Her 3 year old is still a perfectly normal child - mine just seems to have taken to language really quickly 🤷🏻‍♀️ But her DS has slept 7pm-7am every night since he was 12 weeks old and mine doesn’t seem to know what sleep is 😫

If you have concerns then there’s no harm in chatting to a health visitor and getting their opinion 😊 As others have suggested, the ages and stages questionnaires are quite handy for seeing what kind of skills to be looking out for - but just bear in mind that it’s not expected that your DS can do all of the things on there so don’t panic!

I don’t know if you’ve seen these posts from Speech Sisters on Instagram? I think it’s quite helpful in showing how huge the “normal” range actually is 😊

Do the words he has include mama/dada/other significant adult?

Today my 15 month old overhead my slightly older son (whilst watching peter rabbit) saying Aww look at the bun buns. (Bunnies)

She thought he said bum bum and went and fetched a nappy.

This is her biggest achievement to date. We all clapped.
What I'm trying to say is.. 20 months is no age to be concerned at all. Please don't compare to others. Celebrate what he can do instead of focusing on what he can't (yet) do.if you have any concerns speak to your health visitor.

If it makes you feel better my 23 month old doesn't say a word besides da for dad and da bap bap for mum. For our first attempt at potty training he peed on the floor 7 times in an hour and getting him to actually sit on the potty was like trying to get a car into a bath. He'll get there when he gets there!