Feeling broody

[sprite25]

Sorry if this goes on abit, but I'm feeling broody and I need someone to either a) talk some sense into me or b) tell me it sounds like a great idea (ha ha)
So abit of info me and DH already have three great kids (all planned, we also lost two pregnancies which were also planned). I'd be lying if I didn't find being a stay at home mum very stressful, mentally draining and exhausting. I also often feel alot of mum guilt if we have a bad day and I've lost my patience and shouted at them, I know no one is perfect but I put alot of pressure on myself to be a good mum and hate feeling like I have failed that. Anyway practically- we live in a small two bedroom house, very cramped but the rent prices being what they are it's all we can afford. We have pretty much everything left over from the other kids (clothes, buggy, highchair, bottles, toys etc) but we would have to get a bigger car. DH has recently started a new job which means he's home in the evenings and weekends to help with bedtimes and kids (his previous job was long unsociable hours). I'm still carrying alot of weight that I put on with DD (2) and am very self conscious of how big I am, I'm trying to work on that but have issues with using food as comfort or just going for easy yet unhealthy options. each pregnancy has gotten physically tougher (medication for hyperemesis with all and SPD with last one as well). Anyway...I've always wanted a big family and don't feel like I'm done with having babies, the thought of never being pregnant again or having another baby makes me feel really sad, I just don't know if the timing is right but with my history of miscarriage and DH not getting any younger (late 40s) I just can't get the thought out of my head to have another baby. Apologies again for the long post it's all scrambled in my brain right now

The only people who can really answer that question is you and your DH.

Renting is tough as you arent able to extend or make changes to the house, any chance of you buying or being able to move somewhere bigger in the near future? If your children are young a 2 bed will seem big enough at the moment but in a few years it will get increasingly harder. When mine were young a small 2 bed was fine but they started to bicker and argue constantly as they needed their own space. (Now 14 and 10) family life and my stress levels have improved massively since we moved!

I would be lying if I didn't have moments of broodiness. I was young when I had dd1 (20 but 19 when I fell pregant) so I wonder how I would do things differently especially after working with children and feeling more confident in myself. I look after my friends baby and I absolutely love it and sometimes wonder how another will fit into our lives. Dd2 would love a younger sibling and asks me alot if we are having any more babies but we have explained we can't. We just can't offer another child the opportunities and experiences, plus it would have a negative impact on our dds. The few treats, clubs and days out we have would have to stop or be cut right back which wouldn't be fair on them. They ask for so little so to take that away would make me feel very guilty.

Sorry that was long but I was trying to explain how we justified not having more even though i have had periods of extreme broodiness (particularly in the last couple of years. DH doesn't know the full extent of it, but I know he had feelings of broodiness when we last discussed it. If circumstances and finances were different we would definitely have another)

Unfortunately there's no chance of us buying a house (I'd love to) we could afford the monthly mortgage payment but getting a deposit built up isn't going to happen. When I've brought the subject up with DH he never really gives me a straight answer to how he feels (one time saying he would like another one, the next time saying he doesn't know if he could do it all again) and when I've said about getting rid of all the old baby stuff as we wouldn't need it again he either acts disappointed or just says ok

I've got 4 kids (all planned, all close in age). I honestly thought that once you've got 3, 4 wouldn't be much different, but it really is.

The car is the biggest issue for us. We found an affordable 7 seater 5 years ago, that fitted all the car seats in, but now they're all getting older they're running out of leg room, and really we need a car with full adult-sized seats in the back. But those cars are 💰💰💰

It's really hard to give 4 kids the individual time they need. Honestly, we do have fun as a big "gang", and 4 isn't really more than 3 in that sense, but they get very little one-to-one time, which I feel awful about. Similarly with reading/homework. And there's never EVER one minute when no one needs me.

I love having a big family, but given a free choice, I think each of my kids would be quite happy to drop one sibling (they wouldn't all pick the youngest though 🤣🤣)

You can barely afford the children you have, you certainly cannot afford another. Do you really think it's fair to your existing kids to cram them plus one more child in a two bed home? Appreciate what you have an focus on getting back to work.

RE: holidays and activities etc. We couldn't really afford these with just 3 kids, so the 4th didn't really change much for us in that respect. And the older ones were already well used to "days out" essentially involving walks and picnics. I've hardly bought any extra clothes or school uniform for the little ones, but shoes are expensive. And an extra mouth to feed creeps up on you as well.

Are they all the same sex OP?
do they all share one bedroom - how does it work so far? How old?

@Aquamarine1029 wow bitchy much! I never said we couldn't afford the kids we have, my husband works full time, we don't sponge off of benefits, we rent privately and my kids have never gone without. In the town we live in rent for a three bedroom house is upwards of £1,700 a month which even my sister and her husband who both work said they would struggle to afford without the extra usual bills/expenses. I do appreciate what I have as having had previous miscarriages I know I'm extremely lucky to have the lovely, bright, HAPPY children that I have!

I'm not being bitchy, I'm being practical. You can't afford a bigger home, you said so yourself. You think it's reasonable to have two adults and four children in a two bed home?

You can't afford your own home. Your rented home is tiny and you are considering a 4th child?!!!
4 children of differing ages (and sex?) in one bedroom? Do you think that is fair to them? And if DH is in late 40's , there will still likely be at least one of them at home when he retires... especially if you have another.
Bloody hell op, it's a terrible idea.

@Aquamarine1029 not being able to afford a bigger home and saying I can't afford the kids I already have are two very different things, your previous post came across as you ASSUMING that we're all cramped into some tiny hut where I can't afford to feed or clothe my kids adequately all while raking in a load of benefits and our life isn't like that at all. Yes I would like a bigger home (I'm sure many people would) but my kids get alot of attention, love and care from both me and my husband. Yes I've asked people their opinion on a public forum but maybe you shouldn't base your answer on what you assume but don't actually know....

You're the one assuming things, clearly.

@CheshireCats thank you, I appreciate the way you've worded it. I know in reality another child is a ridiculous idea in this house. It's not like I'm actively trying to get pregnant (I'm on the pill) it was just a thought that kept coming to my head but as I say in reality I know it's not a possibility right now.

@Aquamarine1029 you clearly have nothing helpful to say, so why are you still commenting on my post? Yes yes I dared to 'think' about what having another baby would be like, so bloody shoot me 🙄

@sprite25 You should be putting the money you would otherwise be spending on mortgage payments towards a deposit. If youre having trouble saving it you should get advice. I dont think @Aquamarine1029 meant anything horrible, they are looking out for your childrens quality of life. and thats whats important

@grandsalam thank you for the advice, I appreciate it. Please be rest assured that my children's quality of life is fine, they are my world and I'm always making sure they are happy, cared for and know they are loved.

What would the sleeping arrangements be for potentially 6 people in two bedrooms? Sounds cramped tbh and in regards to the kids you already have, as they get older will they have their own space etc? Because they will need it!

I think enjoy each other as you are now, take some time for yourself. Enjoy your husband now that he’s got more time free, just generally enjoy the family dynamic 🙂

@sprite25 yeah well i dont think anyone needs to deter you, just you try and make baby in a 2 bed with 3 young kids

I don’t think it is possible to have a great quality of life with 5 people in a 2 bedroom house. It would be absolute madness to add another baby in. For what? More chaos and cramped conditions for your kids? Crying at night which wakes the entire household? They’ll all be teens at some point, a 2 bed house with 3 let alone 4 teens is a recipe for disaster. You need a more reliable contraceptive than the pill in my opinion.

Well what would be ‘helpful’? ‘Go ahead and have another baby’? In a few months you’d be posting another thread, ‘pregnant with number 4 and no space and panicking’. I think you know what the right thing to do is, so I’m not sure what you’re asking everyone?

i think she wants people to tell her to go for it and her kids can put up and shut up

I think people are misunderstanding me, staying in this house (which I know is too small) isn't our long term plan and we have looked into how we can move to a bigger place, I would go mad staying here! Also like I've said I'm not trying to get pregnant at all, it was literally just a thought and as for more reliable contraceptive? I'm not going to go and get sterilised if that's what you mean? Just because it's not right for us to have a baby right now doesn't mean the future will be the same?

I didn’t mean sterilisation. But the pill has a lot of room for error, and easy to ‘forgo’ in a moment of madness. Which when you’re broody, ain’t a good thing. I would suggest coil or implant.

I don’t think this is a decision you can make even if you do have a ‘long term plan’. There’s too much room for error which means you could find yourself with 4 kids in a 2 bedroom house saying ‘we were supposed to move to a bigger house but never ended up affording it’ etc. When you move into a 4 bed house, think about it then. But don’t have the baby now on the assumption you’ll be upsizing ‘at some point’.

That's not what I'm saying at all!!! Yikes I remember why I have this site up along time ago! Please stop assuming what I mean, I'm not trying to get pregnant, I know it's a ridiculous idea in this house, it was LITERALLY a thought in my head there was no actions that I've done to put it in place! I'm not looking for people to agree with it at all, but also will defend my capabilities as a mother when people who don't know me are saying my kids don't have any quality of life!

Why bother posting then? I’m absolutely confused.

you shout at your kids through stress, your living conditions are cramped, youre keeping buggy, clothes, toys, etc, youre going to leave those things cluttering your tiny space to have another child in the... distant future. it doesnt add up. and i find it hard to imagine the fantastic life that you suggest you give to your children, but feel free to tell us about it