I am a horrid mother.

[tearful]

I have to confess that I screamed at my children this morning that I hated being with them and that the only reason I was is there is no-one else to look after them. Dd (4) was very upset and said "but you always say that you love me" so I said that I do, but that I hate being with them because they are so horrible. Dh is away and ds2 (2) is truly ghastly at the moment and I spend the whole time wishing I could get away from them. the older two fight and ds2 needs supervision 100% of the time. I can't get a meal on the table or unload the dishwasher without him doing something terrible and I lose my rag with him the whole time. He has also become very aggressive, pinches/scratches my cheeks when I sit him on the loo, bites my shoulder if I pick him up - oh and new trick, when I sit him up on the loo, bends his knees back so his feet go down the bowl first. I feel like I'm going mad and, and this is the real confession, I am feeling more and more that I don't want to be their mother any more. Ds1 is 6 and not easy either. very stroppy. I have had 6 yrs of being a SAHM and it's what I have always believed is right but I have had enough. Help.

Poor you! I'm sorry you're feeling so sh*tty. When is DH back? Are there any options for you to change your life in some way, maybe doing a bit of part-time work? It might make you feel better to have an identity that isn't just 'mummy'.

God, I feel exactly the same today and I've only been doing it 10 months

Hugs to you. Morningpaper's suggestion is a good one - it doesn't have to be work, just something that inspires you / makes you feel more like you.

PS: Short term, do you have a mum / friend or someone who could give you a bit of a break?

I wrote a long post and it vanished into the ether! Grrr.
Anyway, the shortened version is
1 Everyone feels like this sometimes. Crap, isn't it?
2 I suspect the kids are attention seeking as you are so fed up and at the end of your tether. Try, try, try to ignore bad behaviour - let them sort out their own fights for example - look out of the window. THink beautiful thoughts, then turn on the praise the minute the whinging and fighting stop.
3 Let stuff go. If the toilet thing is seriously stressing you, forget it, at least for today. It's not worth it.
4 Short term? Put a video on, give them all chocolate milk and a biscuit and do and sit somewhere else to try to relax a bit.
Call a friend if poss to suggest meeting up with the kids. Your house, their house or the park or softplay.
Get out a simple board game to play together.
5Longer term? Don't be a martyr. If it's more than just a bad day and being a SAHM really is making you resentful and unhappy - get a job. Get some childcare. Think about what you want for YOU. You are just as important as everyone else.
Good luck, and sorry you are having a horrid day. Buy some wine so when they are all in bed you can havea bath/watch rubbish telly and have a nice big glass of wine as your reward for surviving!

Aloha, I think you have done this to me before - that is EXACTLY what I was going to do. WE have been into town this morning with friends and got soaked. Ds1 had a headache and looked v pale so they have all gone to bed, and it is still peeing down. I told them when they get up they are having hot choc and a video, then we'll make pizza and bath and bed. Problem is that ds2 just won't settle in front of a vid. He might on his own for 10 or 20 mins, but with the others he just terrorises them. Same story with board games. He's just so destructive. The others can't do colouring in or anything if he's around cos he just wants to grab a pen and scribble.
Re longer term - I'm frightened at the moment that we'll never get that far. I'm scared that I'm going to hurt one of them. And I also don't want to fail. If I give up now, it'll only be because I've failed.
No, soppy, no ffamily around here, and all my friends have their own families and therefore full hands already.

Most mums go through this, I know I did, my husband traveled a lot, and it was very hard. I would say in the short term, desperate times call for desperate mesaures. Can you all camp out and watch some tv, maybe you could read? You could make up some sandwiches, or order a delivery and just take it easy. Be good to your self, treat yourself kindly. Don't worry today, about a clean house or loosing weight, or getting a job, just do what you need to do to keep sane and to be nice to your kids and to you!

can u take them out soemwhere indoors tpo get rid of excess energy? soft play area or something like kastaway kids?

posts crossed. If you are feeling like you may hurt them, then you should really call your husband home, or find a friend who, even if they have kids they need to deal with, can help you.

Agree with Aug24. Get some help - there is no shame in it.

It's not that easy, I'm afraid. We live miles from anywhere, so would need someone with a car. Also finances are a bit strange at the moment, and while we are not short, cash flow is tricky. I would rather not feel sick when the bills come in after Xmas, and that is more likely to be the case if I haven't forked out for help with the kids. It'd be great to live in a town and get a teenager to walk along the road to come and play with them for a couple of hours, but that's not the case.

Failure? Failing would be being miserable and making your kids miserable. Failing would be hurting them badly. Getting a happy life for yourself and some good quality childcare for your lively two year old is NOT, NOT, NOT failing. Giving up something that has stopped working for you is SUCCESS. Sorry about all the shouting, but really, there is no point in being a miserable mummy if there is anything you can do about it.
Are they asleep? That's good. They will probably be happier when they wake up. Put the older two in front of a vid, and do something separate with your two year old if you can, just to see you through until bedtime (scribbling sounds good . Do you have any friends at all locally you can call and either visit or invite round to yours? I really don't envy you having three small children all by yourself in the winter. I think it's a really tough job. If you feel desperate when they wake up, log on to Mumsnet while feeding them chocolate biscuits or something - this day will end eventually. And have the wine ready for when it does.

What would you really like to do with your life? What would you do if you knew it was guaranteed to succeed? Just something to think about possibly after they have all gone to bed. Is this just a blip, or do you think things need to change?

Yes, they are all asleep. Yes, they will wake up nicer. But I still don't think I'll like them.

What would I really like to do? I have so many things I have been putting off for years. Filing piles of paper. Having a social life. Joining a choral society. Speaking some languages (which used to be fluent but are now rusty). I have always said "once the last one's at school".
What I really want is to be a good wife and mother and have happy children, and instill good values into them.

It's not compulsory, you know. You can have days when you don't much like your kids. It sometimes helps to act as if you do though. You know you love them and this won't last forever. How long has your dh been away? I'm rubbish and absolutely hate not having anyone to share ds with all day. I really, truly and honestly don't know how single parents do it. I totally admire anyone who looks after small children by themselves.

I need to go and od something constructive while they're sleeping.

I don't think you can be a 'good wife and mother' unless you feel reasonably happy and fulfilled in yourself. Martyrs are not known for their sunny and enthusiastic natures. As for good values, I think learning that people need to nurture their best qualities, and have a good and full life, that mummies are people to and that happiness is worthwhile are all good values, don't you?

everyone's kids drive them to feelings of violence sometimes!

it's a vicious circle - they pick up on your frustration and realise they can get attnetion v quickly by arsing around.

you're not a bad mother, just a normal human being with feelings and desires beyond your children.

You sound so depressed. You need to find a way to make your life work right now. Where is your husband at the momement? When is he coming home? Can your mum come for a visit(or sister etc) and help you right now? I am sure, even if you had one night of not doing the bedtime routine( or only haveing to do 1 of the children) would make you feel so much better. I am so sorry you are feeling so awful and I hope you find away to feel better.

Tearful - I've nothing really constructive to add other than you have my complete sympathy, and that I, like most parents on here, have days/weeks like this too.

Do you know what? I find it comforting, but somehow hard to believe that anyone else ever feels like this. No-one I know gets feelings like this about their children and I feel so isolated. I am so grateful, really I am, for your support and sympathy, but telling my children I hate being with them?... The way I have felt over the past few days surpasses by quite a way any other feelings of exasperation I have felt as a mother, and they have been plentiful. My mother lives a long and difficult journey away, and her own mother needs quite a lot of attention at the moment. My parents are coming next weekend, thank goodness. My sister has her own young family and we don't enjoy a particularly close relationship. Dh is back tomorrow afternoon, but he is away for the next two weekends too. I think people understand that I find it difficult, but I don't think they understand my despair.

My Husband worked in London for a year before we joined him here, he would come home every 2 1/2 weeks for 4 days, it was hell and I said many things to my children I would never repeat. But I just began to do things that I wanted, after the kids were in bed, I would watch TV, eat a nice meal and only do things made me happy/relaxed. No housework, no bills, nothing. Also, this is something quite common in the USA, I would trade child care with a friend, she would have my daughter one day a week and I would take her son(maybe you could do this when your older children are at school, if they go to school) and that was my free morning to do as I liked. I really hope you feel better, and that your parent's visit will bring you some much needed relaxation!

Oh, you know what, I bet they do feel like this. I have only one ds and I love him more than life itself, AND my dh never goes away for the weekend, but I still shout at him and get frustrated and say he's been horrible etc. I bet you are really, really tired and frustrated and simply are doing too much. After the kids have gone to bed and you have time to flop a bit, think about what you think you need to make you feel better/happier/less stressed. I bet you already know. You sound really intelligent and caring - just at the end of your tether. Also, does your dh really, really need to be away so much? It must be a real strain on you not to have any 'you' time at all. Next weekend, when your parents are here, please, please book something just for you - a pedicure, a shopping trip, lunch with a girlfriend...anything that makes you feel as if you aren't just a parenting machine.

Thank you for being so kind.