I just had a panic attack in front of my 3 year old

[AllDayLongPlease]

I am so upset, and so exhausted.

My 3 year old doesn't sleep. I have been up since 4.30, gave in and bought him downstairs. He started crying at me because he doesn't remember what he wanted to say and wanted me to tell him 🤷🏼‍♀️

I started to cry, i lost control and had a full panic attack. Wheezing and crying like I couldn't catch my breath. He ran to me, gave me a cuddle and then he got scared and hid behind the door.

I feel so upset that he saw that and I scared him. I am now hiding in the toilet tearful writing this.

My DH is up now and with him. He seems ok, just keeps cuddling and kissing me saying he will make me better 😢

Do you think he will quickly forget it happened?

It’s not nice for either of you, but parents are people too.

he won’t remember.

are you getting help?

He’ll be ok. Let him cuddle you to make it better.

He’ll forget about it.

Thank you both

Getting no help with then sleepless nights

And on waiting lists for help with my mental health

Sending you a virtual hug
kids are resilient and in a way is good for them to know parents are humans as well
enjoy the cuddles

He will forget about it. Give him a big cuddle and reassure him he didn't do anything wrong, you weren't feeling well but it's nothing to do with him and you're sorry he was scared.

I've had panic attacks in front of mine and it's a great big wake up call that something needs to change.

For the people saying he will forget it... don't listen OP!!!!! I watched my mum have panic attacks to point she would call herself ambulance on a regular.
It has ruined my life! I'm now agoraphobic and suffer bad panic attacks every single day! It literally traumatised me as a child.

I wish my mum hadn't let me see her going through the panic attacks. I wish she had gone in to another room!

@backupplan1 thank you for your reply.

So sorry this happened to you.

That's not what's happening here. She's had one panic attack, she's recognised the effect on her child and she's trying to get help. Totally different.

Why aren't you getting any sleep? What is DH doing?

@Itwasntright I was explaining what could happen if it doesn't get treated early!!
It's not totally different... my mum's panic attacks just started from ONE!!

When I have a panic attack I can't breathe let alone move - your poor mum.
This is a really unhelpful reply and comes across that you're accusing the OP in some way. There were much nicer ways you could have worded this.

Op, your son won't be traumatised by one panic attack. Please don't worry yourself

@backupplan1 way to make the op feel worse... sorry your mum went through this. I used to have frequent panic attacks and they're awful

He will forget it (of course regular panic attacks is a different matter but getting help will hopefully prevent that, and trying to get some way to get more sleep is important). I had a bad panic attack once when my daughter was a toddler (utter exhaustion from lack of sleep triggered it too) and we were taken to the hospital in an ambulance and spent the night there so quite a scary event for a toddler but she forgot it.

Don't worry, please. Just be honest and explain that you had some really big feelings because you were very very tired, and when we are tired things seem harder, we get frazzled, whatever words you normally use.

Explain that its absolutely not their fault, not their job to fix it and let's have a nice easy day today, let them see you looking after yourself, and your partner looking after you.

If you frame it as a sign that you need to change something, which is what it is, rather than something scary or shameful they may remember it, but there's no harm in that. You're human. Take it easy.

Such lovely helpful replies. Thank you all.

Not sleeping for 3 years has made me really unwell mentally.

Please try not to worry about it.

I have had many panic attacks in front of my children, including one the other day. My children have always been fabulously caring and protective of me.

I wish I didn’t have panic attacks and mental health issues, but despite lots of counselling and CBT, I still have them.

I think our children will be a lot more understanding of their own mental health, and that of others, and will have a great deal of compassion.

Could you get a night nanny a couple of nights a week to give you a break? Mental breakdowns are NOT fun, prevention is crucial.

@SprinkleOfSunak sorry you are going through it too. Lovely to hear your kids are supportive

@AceSpades54321 I absolutely wish this was something I could afford

What is your husband doing at night to ensure you get sleep.

Our eldest was an appalling sleeper. We did shifts so I'd sleep from 9-2 and my husband would take over at 2am. If one of us was on our knees (like you are now) we'd have a night alone in a local travelodge just to get a full night, lie in and catch up. We didn't need to do that often but knowing it was an option really helped.

Do you have anywhere you could go stay for example one night a week, while your DH takes care of things at home? So you can catch up a bit on sleep. It might help make things easier if you know that at least one night a week you will sleep.

Do you have any family who could have him for a night or two? Does your husband do nights? Have you spoken to the doctor or health visitor about him not sleeping?

Try not to worry. He might remember but he'll just know mommy wasn't very well and he gave her a cuddle and made her better. If he mentions it tell him that - his lovely cuddle made you better.

My DH is not any help. He sleeps in another room, through it all.

My mum would have my son if I asked. She does occasionally - and he sleeps well for her.

He needs to understand how bad your MH is and you need to at least alternate those nights in the spare room.

My DH is not any help. He sleeps in another room, through it all.

This is your problem. Does he know how unwell you are? What would he say if you told him that tomorrow night you'll sleep in a hotel as your mental health is too bad?

He needs to step up. Put the toddler in with him. You can't keep doing this.

Any idea why he sleeps better for her?