I just had a panic attack in front of my 3 year old

[AllDayLongPlease]

I am so upset, and so exhausted.

My 3 year old doesn't sleep. I have been up since 4.30, gave in and bought him downstairs. He started crying at me because he doesn't remember what he wanted to say and wanted me to tell him 🤷🏼‍♀️

I started to cry, i lost control and had a full panic attack. Wheezing and crying like I couldn't catch my breath. He ran to me, gave me a cuddle and then he got scared and hid behind the door.

I feel so upset that he saw that and I scared him. I am now hiding in the toilet tearful writing this.

My DH is up now and with him. He seems ok, just keeps cuddling and kissing me saying he will make me better 😢

Do you think he will quickly forget it happened?

DH is a whole other thread. I won't even go into it as I've accepted I will be getting no help from him.

I don't know why he sleep well for my mum. Maybe because I breastfed and co-slept for 2 years, he cant break the habit of not sleeping next to me.

Hi OP,
you poor thing, I’m more than aware of what having a useless husband is and a non-sleeping child is like and it’s dreadful.
Regarding your son sleeping better for your mum - have a think about everything that’s different.
Is there screen time before bed? No screen time.
A particular story?
A particular routine?
Nightlight?
Darker room?
Cooler room?
Does he drink water/milk before bed?
Write down everything and then try replicating the routine etc.
I wish you luck OP

Feeling that you have to accept getting no support from your life partner, the person you live with, the father of your child isn't insignificant when it comes to the decline of your mental health. Don't blame it all on lack of sleep. If he's in another room sleeping soundly night after night, while knowing you are struggling, that is a lot for you to bear. No wonder you are having panic attacks, that's a really stressful lonely situation.

Is there any way you can ask your mum for more help? Be honest with her, don't try to pretend things are ok, or feel like you're failing in some way. You are not.

Ask your mum to take him for a couple of nights at least so you can bank some sleep

And isn’t this the saddest recommendation. Rather than the shit show of a dad and partner step up, give mum some much needed sleep and actually care for his own child, op has to crawl to her mum. So sad.

Get rid of the shitehouse of a partner OP, I bet half your mental health battles syrm
from living with such a terrible excuse of a partner and dad.

I think you should ask your mum to care for your child for 2 nights so you can get your shit together to separate from your husband.

Your spouse is supposed to love you, care for you and give some sort of a shit about your well-being. His selfishness is leading to you having a breakdown.

I do understand that people think I should leave. Unfortunately It's not always that simple.

Does he sleep if he’s in bed with you? X

@Hbhhhh193948484848 sort of, but he smothers himself with my sheets or rolls right up next to me.
I feel I can't sleep properly because I have to keep adjusting him, or stay completely still so I don't wake him.
If he wakes properly, he is up for the day.

I'm not normally a proponent of sleep training but

a. He is 3, he is not a baby who doesn't understand where mummy has gone

b. You sound absolutely broken by sleep deprivation. I think there sometimes comes a point where the potential harm of sleep training is outweighed by the benefits of having a parent who can cope during the day