How often do you get hurt by your DC?

[Whoareyoumyfriend]

Just that really. I don't have the energy right now but will write more later once I've had some responses

When you are feeling better can you post what it is that seems to trigger these meltdowns and when they happen.

I think it's quite likely he's autistic. But he's so chatty that I think school don't see it.

His 4.5 year old brother has only ever hit me twice in his life in a fit of toddler anger.

We are waiting on camhs. The initial paperwork has gone in. They now need evidence from school. It's also a 53 week wait for assessment.

I just hate it because I know he will be rejected for assessment and i don't know what we will do then as we can't go private.

It won't fix things though will it. He will still be violent towards me. A diagnosis won't fix him. I just wish I wasn't his parent. It's so much responsibility keeping him happy and mentally healthy

OP

Video record him doing it. As many times as you can.
And take it from there - show that to the GP first, some are sympathetic.

I have three kids (15, 12 & 10) and it's never. Well, never on purpose and never through actions that I'm not okay with (ie climbing on me). I've taken a toddler to the chin once or twice when they've accidentally head butted my chin and slammed my teeth into my tongue but mummy got huge cuddles and apologies for that. They have never been allowed to be purposely violent with me or anyone else.

Sunday was a post birthday party meltdown.
Yesterday I said I would get his milk AFTER I dried my hands.
Saturday...I don't even remember.
Friday no violence.
Thursday whilst at soft play.
Wednesday I don't remember the reason but my nan was there and it made her cry

Sorry, just wanted to add that whilst school have said there aren’t any issues it could just be that they don’t recognize them or understand what they are seeing.

Also it can be very easy for people to say if school have said there’s nothing wrong then there’s nothing wrong and then go on to say that anything you put in place to try and prevent the issues is spring him.

I would ignore what school are saying and look for a pattern in what’s going on then try to work out how to put things in place to help your child. People here can also help you with that. And it’s an idea to keep in mind that what you are seeing is like the top of an ice berg sticking out of the water and there being way way more of it under the surface. I know that with my son we could go back days even when working out what had triggered a meltdown. The reason doesn’t always have to be in the hear and now.

No, if he's autistic you can't 'fix him'. But you can maybe access more support in helping him with things that trigger him and make him violent, thus preventing the hitting from happening and gradually reducing it over time.

Take him to the GP and say you have reason to believe he's autistic, take a list of reasons with you, and you would like a referral to paediatrics. Get the ball rolling yourself. Don't wait for school.

So Sunday could have just been an overwhelming day
Children who have underlying conditions can not understand having to wait. Everything has to be instant. It’s something they need taught.
Softplay could have just been too much for him sensory wise. Just like the party b

@unicormb can this bypass camhs? We had a rejection from paediatrics when he was 3 (when he was poo smearing etc). They said no further need for assessment

Yes it can, it sounds like you need help urgently as you are at breaking point, so stress that to your GP

Every situation here is potentially very overwhelming for a neurodiverse child, and it's unsurprising that they lashed out,

You're going to have to adjust your expectations a LOT, OP.

Are there any local groups who could help?

How much sleep does he get?

My son is a poo smearer, he is autistic, from what I've been told it's usually a sensory thing it certainly is for my son

yes. That was my first thought too

@toomuchlaundry he sleeps generally 9pm or 10pm till around 6.15am

Never that I can remember. Possibly when he was a toddler, but he isn't the most boisterous child, and I'm pretty firm with what's expected indoors, no climbing, running etc. And as there is more space to do that outside accidents didn't happen. Never on purpose. However, growing up my siblings definitely lashed out at my mum, it wasn't really in my nature.

Does he have trouble dropping off to sleep.

And does he stay asleep once asleep.

And had he ever slept earlier than 9ish.

its said that many children on the spectrum don’t need a lot of sleep. My boy didn’t. But he would still get tired and it affected his general well being.

It sounds so incredibly hard. In our area, with DS1, the GP referred to the paediatrician who did all the referrals to assess for autism/ adhd etc. With DS2 we saw an occupational therapist first before paediatrician. I found the occupational therapist incredibly helpful, especially for sensory difficulties.

We are having to go through CAMHS for DS2 at the moment. It has been an incredibly long process and we had to pay privately for an Educational Psychologist to even get on the list for triage. (The waiting list for an EP was 18 months before COVID!)

It might even be worth talking to 'early help' through social services to see if you can get support.

Unfortunately through my work I know many families where they get hurt by their child who has special needs. It is incredibly hard but you are not alone. Unfortunately it can be a long battle to get the support you need but please keep trying.

For many families I work with the advice from www.pdasociety.org.uk can be really helpful - even if their child has not got a diagnosis of PDA.

www.facebook.com/groups/SENDVCBProjFamilies/?ref=share please join Yvonne Newbolds family support page OP there are many of us in the same situation. She also runs webinars that are very useful.

I can't remember a single incident of getting hurt by any of my 3 now adult sons.
Although my back is permanently fucked by pregnancy!

Accidental head butts from nearly 2 yo all the time but I think that's my clumsiness as well as his. Nothing intentional.

@Itreallyistimetogo I've submitted a group request. Thank you

Sorry you are struggling it is hard when you get hurt by your child.

Some schools don't want to recognise there are possible issues with a child as it means more work for the school. Ask to speak to the senco .you might need to fight for help. My child's school saw her as just naughty but she wasn't there was an underlying cause.
Look up CPV child to parent violence .it might help you feel not so alone as it does happen.Some areas have private clinics that can diagnosis autism so maybe Google your local area if you can afford it.
Look up support groups in your area maybe ones that deal with autism or ADHD .good luck