What etiquette for staying over at grandparents?

[Mommyshere]

My children mainly stay over at my parents on a 'need' basis. They've been invited once/twice I think.

However after they've bought the children home, and we say Thankyou, bye. My mum will then say "we've looked after your children all night and all you say is Thankyou"

What does everyone else do? I kind of think if people agree to do things don't throw it back in their faces. Tbh we don't have the money to give them back the £9 macdonalds+£3 p&p car park charge for the nature reserve they took them to. I embarrassingly have £4 in the bank to pick up fruit, bread and some crisps if I can tomorrow. Until Wednesday when my tax credits go into the bank. We are not well off at all. I'm mentioning money as I don't know what else I can say than Thankyou? I can't afford gifts at the moment nor the money as above?

The last time she had them was May - because it was our wedding anniversary. This weekend we had a function. Is that too much for grandparents?

I don't know what I'm trying to say, I suppose really what's the deal with over nighters? What else can I do or supposed to do?

Thanks

I find your response here quite disturbing

They are weird. Commenting on the thank you bit and then on the couch. Just ignore them. My dm..now deceased...had over 20 gc and while she never wanted to mind them while parents were working she had them at weekends and for weddings etc. No fuss. We always collected them, had a cup of tea and off we went. They loved going there as loved her food and just pottered around. She didn't do fancy trips.
Does your dm have some sort of social issues as it seems a very strange thing to say? Do you message her later in the evening saying thanks again the dc had a great time and go on a bit. Otherwise l don't know what she expects.

That comes across as quite worrying tbh.

my DD1 can't stand him 😂😂😂 - I find that quite funny inside
You find it funny your child is with an abusive man who they hate?
Have a fuckin word with yourself.

On the abuse side honestly he's never left alone and like I said I've made it VERY clear to everyone all round what will happen if anything was to happen. Hubby is well aware. My mum walks on eggshells about it as she knows that I'll just go and not give a fuck. I don't want to punish my mum or sister though. My dad is actually only there as he's broken his arm usually he's at work in the day

Punish your mum or sister? but force your OWN child to be with someone they hate?
Find other babysitters and protect your child.

She doesn't like him, she doesn't go near him and she'll stay with us or such like. They've NEVER been left alone with him. Like I say my mum has been told as well

They have to be in a house with a man that is too dangerous to be left alone with, one child hates him, and you find it funny. WTAF.

On this note, no as I've kicked up a fuss about it with DS who's the oldest and they know the shit will hit the fan and they are scared of what I will do as they walk on eggshells around it as it is.

He wasn't convicted of anything, my sister wasn't abusively treated. She has a great time with him, going to football matches and shopping and all sorts. It's just me and the person I was/am. I was a hard teenager to love and frankly probably deserved it.

On the abuse side honestly he's never left alone and like I said I've made it VERY clear to everyone all round what will happen if anything was to happen

WTAF

Well, this has taken a concerning turn. You’re not really making sense OP.

Right to put it straight
My dad was never convicted of anything. I was a horrible teenager. I told my mum what I felt and she said I must have done something to annoy him. My sister on the other hand goes shopping and football games and all sorts with him. It seems to be subjective to me.

We've decided to give them maybe £20 next time. Overnight stays are hardly ever though

I usually drop them off with a bottle of wine (for the GPs).

If they are staying longer e.g. a week then I drop them then the wine becomes gin and I will also give the GPs £100 towards food, outings etc.

My dm and my dnan have looked after my dc overnight copious times. At one point for around 5 years my dnan had my (then primary aged) once a week every week overnight on a school night just to give me a break. My mum has taken my dc on holiday and now they're both teens they are still close to both.

My dc say thank you for having me. I do send a thank you card when it's been a holiday or a couple of nights. Sometimes I have brought them flowers or wine. Now my nan is older and frail I help her more than she's now able to help me. My dc go over there, walk her dog, tidy her garden, change her bed and hoover.

My mum and nan absolutely adore my dc and love having them over. I hope I can be as close to my grandchildren.

I wouldn't think it was about money at all, more maybe about asking how it went, what they did, did the children behave well, was it okay for them or a bit much... Just chatting a bit more and showing you care

How very sad. My DD would stay over at my Mums once a month from about 3. She adored her.
They played games, got a special tea made, looked through family photo albums, had extra stories at bedtime and always had a comic on her pillow for the morning. DD was taught card games, scrabble and had her own tray for dinner time (she was allowed dinner on her tray watching telly 🤣🤣). They also played shops.
My mum would never have expected anything more than a hug and ‘thank you Granny’.

It sounds like they don't want to babysit. But they don't like to say no, so they want you to be eternally grateful for it.

Personally I'd be looking for other babysitters, or managing without. And I wouldn't leave my DC with someone who had abused me, full stop. I think it's very sad that you think this was your fault - have you ever had any counselling or similar for it?

Woah! You can't leave your kids there if he's abusive?!!! Wtaf. You are their parent. Protect them, do your job ffs.

Yeah I can kind of see how it can be a way of not being able to say no. Perhaps if I NEED to just ask her to babysit or take them round there.

This wedding was an adult only wedding

I don't 'blame' him per say. Like I said I was a difficult teenager to love and that's what happened 16 years ago.

It's easy for people to say he's abusive stay away but it's only to me. My mum, sister etc have a great relationship with him.

Grandparent overnight babysitter.....I am not familiar with this concept.....

How do you mean?

We have no family help whatsoever. My youngest has been awake for 22 hours now and we are on our knees

@Lofari I hope you got/get some rest 😢 I got lucky with my three and sleeping but I know the feeling when your bed is calling you and you want to sink in it

@redskyatnight

It sounds like they don't want to babysit. But they don't like to say no, so they want you to be eternally grateful for it.*
*
That is a very interesting point.
She will agree - obviously when we knew the date of the wedding etc and then ring up and say what's happening so we know what we can/can't do. Then on the Sunday they text saying they will drop them back home. It seems that tbh.

It's also like she's seen them this weekend she won't bother now for weeks. Despite telling everyone she's granny of the year. Why do people talk shit to big herself up in front of everyone. Urgh