DH always compare my parenting with other mums

[Soni032022]

I hate it when DH compares me with other mums:

"A is so knowledgeable, she knows how to teach her son this and that"
"B always go jogging with her son. Look, her son runs so fast! YOU (i.e. me DH is referring to) never runs that's why DS is so slow"

I've never compared him with other parents.

Maybe you should start comparing him with brilliant dads that you know. & decent husbands who are supportive of their wives, not judgmental uninformed critics.

I'd have told him to STFU and keep his unpleasant thoughts and talk to himself ages ago. Particularly as he's criticised your DS as being slow.

& he's too interested in the doings of other women by far, he needs to wind his neck in.

I've never compared him with other parents.

You should start comparing him to decent kind husbands. He'd fail.

Ladies, I worry I might want a divorce if I start comparing him with other decent husbands lol

I want a supportive husband!!

Btw, he is constantly comparing ds with other kids too. :(

Maybe you should want a divorce. At minimum he should be afraid that you want a divorce.

Child has two parents. Why can't your DH take him running?

Exactly!

Turn it back on him every time he does it.
“A goes jogging with her DC that’s why they’re so great at running” “Great, you can take them for a run this weekend”

I couldn't sit and listen to this. When dh makes a comment (eg. Should they be eating potatoes? on a night I have given them waffles) I let a good blast at him and it doesn't happen again.

Just tell him. That's insulting. I don't care what xyz do. I am as good or better than other parents. Just say 'stop it'.

‘Nah, he’s ‘slow’ because he’s got you as a father. Have you not been confronted for staring at women, yet?’

’I want a supportive husband!!’
Sucks that you didn’t pick one.

If you want a supportive husband you need a new husband, this one appears to be faulty and needs returning

From your other thread it appears you picked a bloke who is thick as shite, has failed to educate himself on the basics of child development and will continue to crush your child’s self esteem if you choose to stay with him. At least you know not to inflict him as a father on any more kids.

Maybe you should already want a divorce, your husband sounds like an arsehole.

Great,Your dh is going to take his dc running then?

Why would you 'worry' you want a divorce? Sounds like the best thing that would happen to you and your ds.

Well, he'll totally fuck his kid up if he's going to be negatively comparing him to other children as he grows up.

I would start by doing it right back to him while I decided whether I wanted to stay or not.

Behaviour like this I ask why he is saying these things. Ask for his reasoning why he is comparing you, 'why do you compare me with others?'

Wait for his response.

What's he trying to get across to you? Why does he think he needs to point these things out? What's the aim? And how does he think it makes you feel?

Ask ask ask and get the answers (or the squirming and apology)

Don't do it angrily. Just be genuinely interested.

I've found this approach really works because they never expect to have to explain their behaviour.

Also you will be tempted to speak during his silence. Don't. Actually command an answer (not demand by foot stamping) but command one by simply asking with genuine interest and awaiting his response.

⬆️Why bother?

Thickos like OPs bloke will say ‘I’m only saying!’
His kid sadly can’t stand up for himself against this man, so that’s on OP.

I'm assuming it's not a lost cause I suppose. My ex was a complete dumb shit but I couldn't suffer that again. Shame so many of us end up with these people.

I'd still give it a go, even to cause him to address his behaviour internally given he's the father of the children. You're never going to be rid of him so I'd say there's always a point in trying to address his behaviour given he will always be in the children's lives.

IncompleteSenten, you are totally right. He always use a very negative parenting approach. For example when teaching DS how to swim/cycle and DS can't follow his instruction, he will suggest just go home, or say "looks like you are not good at swimming/cycling", or simply gets annoyed because DS is not the next olympic star. I did ask him why he uses a negative approach instead of giving DS encouragement. He said because life is harsh and as DS grows up he won't get encouragement from others, no one will give you second chance blah blah blah. That's why DS needs to learn things the hard way and get used to it. i.e. DH believes he is preparing DS to the real world.

What are you going to do to mitigate the emotional damage he’s inflicting on your kid?

DH if you want to teach him that then please do go ahead.

DH if you want to go running with DS then please do go ahead.

Your DS has 2 parents.

I'd use this response straight away to every similar comment.

If he says he doesn't have time you reply "well x makes time".

I actually like your approach, maybe because we both have the experience in dealing with these kind of people. He certainly doesn't see what is wrong in his behaviour, and that what he said was actually hurting my feelings. He just won't care.

Many of you suggested that DH should take DS for running . Trust me, I have asked him many times. He will just give BS excuses and then change the subject. Honestly, why?

Have you asked him not to do it? Maybe he doesn't realise he does it and the impact it has on you.

I just talk to DS. I stay with DS when DH walks away and make sure DS knows I am giving him support and that he is not doing anything wrong if fails in the course of learning. I encourage DS to carry on and try and I teach him patiently. I explain to him why daddy is behaving this way. I have to do it very tactfully because I do not want to bad mount DH in front of DS but at the same time I also don't want DS to think that the way daddy behave is the right way to treat people.

What a nasty prick!!

LTB.seriously

Yes of course I did. I told him I have never compared you with other husbands/fathers. It seems that he still thinks that he is right to point out that I am not as good as others.