DH always compare my parenting with other mums

[Soni032022]

I hate it when DH compares me with other mums:

"A is so knowledgeable, she knows how to teach her son this and that"
"B always go jogging with her son. Look, her son runs so fast! YOU (i.e. me DH is referring to) never runs that's why DS is so slow"

I've never compared him with other parents.

How old is your son?

I ask because your husband seems to automatically assume that teachers/ coaches will have a similar approach to him when they most certainly won't.

His negativity is very depressing and will have a soul destroying effect on your son.

So your partners reasoning for making your child feel like shit is because ‘life is harsh’ so he may as well get used to being beaten down and belittled? What a disgusting way to parent a child! A boys father should be his biggest advocate, the one always there in his corner ready to back him up and encourage him when he feels the world is against him. Your partner is one of the reasons why the biggest cause of death in young men in this country is suicide. You don’t create a strong man by abusing and neglecting his emotional needs as a child to ‘toughen him up’. His piece of shit father is currently raising his son to feel worthless, not strong, and you need to get him away from this toxic man before he becomes a statistic.

Much of the time the suggestion is playing him at his own game which I find a bit puerile and I also can't be bothered to behave in a way that doesn't come naturally to me in some kind of point scoring game that could just make the situation worse.

What the calm questioning does is cause him to ask that question of himself, where he may never have done so before.

Now, I'm assuming your husband is not like my ex who was certainly a lost cause and hence he's no longer in our lives. But if he's more like my husband who is actually a decent person but can and does sometimes say and do hurtful things, even childish things, even things that are out of order (as I have because I'm human) but when the behaviour is addressed it turns out okay because we want our marriage to work.

Your DH is going to massively damage your child's self esteem, and you need to act OP. He does sound like much of a husband, so why not cut your losses and get one later who is supportive and on your side? I fear for your DS with a father like this. He will cause life long damage if you do not step in. Sorry to be harsh, but this is what your little one is experiencing. Your DH is "not fit for purpose" as a father (or husband come to that).

I wonder what your husband's upbringing was like, this is learned behaviour and what is his self esteem like?

Tell your dh to run with your child or teach him/her whatever he wants to.

Oh well. Good luck with that.

"if" she stays with him?

As opposed to if she breaks up with him and he sees the children half the time alone?

In the real world your parents are supposed to love and support you. Build you up not break you down.

Suggest to him that he teach road safety by kicking the kid under a car to show him that cars are dangerous.

Start saving for the shitload of therapy your son is going to need.

It's heartbreaking. A child should always feel supported and encouraged by their parents.

He certainly doesn't see what is wrong in his behaviour, and that what he said was actually hurting my feelings. He just won't care.

Not seeing and not caring are two very different things. You can work with the first but NOT the second. The only thing to do is leave, leave soon and hope he spends as little time with your DS as possible. And since he's lazy, maybe he will.

He's a prince isn't he?

I don't like to kick a woman when she's down, but this freaked me out:

I just talk to DS. I stay with DS when DH walks away and make sure DS knows I am giving him support and that he is not doing anything wrong if fails in the course of learning. I encourage DS to carry on and try and I teach him patiently. I explain to him why daddy is behaving this way. I have to do it very tactfully because I do not want to bad mount DH in front of DS but at the same time I also don't want DS to think that the way daddy behave is the right way to treat people.

So... you are so busy protecting your DH that you are actively and knowingly allowing your DS to be harmed? And you think that if you support your DS, the harm done by your H will be cancelled? I'm sorry OP, but you are actually as bad as him at this point.

He sounds absolutely vile. Esp with the way he treats your son.

You really should stop what your son will interpret as supporting, excusing and ultimately normalising his father's awful treatment of him.

It's no different to sitting down with him after (for example) his dad hit him and saying daddy is really stressed, he means well, it's just how he is, he doesn't mean to hurt you, let's try to not upset him again and then he won't hit you.

Whoever quoted me- well yeah. Obviously. 🥴
Then her kid will get abused 50% of the time instead of 100%.
hth

Where can I find a decent husband? I don't even know such species exits😅.