Playdates- do I need to do dinner?

[Miriam101]

After school. Is it ok to just say "come and pick up X at 5/530pm?" ie before tea? Or will the parents automatically assume their kids will be eating with us? I'm trying to psych myself up for more playdates next term - I find the whole thing a bit stressful which I know is ridiculous- but the idea of having to cook for another kid on top of my 5yo and their 2yo monster food throwing sibling really puts me off!

Yes at that age I would feed the children. It doesn’t have to be anything complicated. Could just be fish fingers or pasta etc.

I would offer them tea but it doesn't have to be anything fancy. I normally do pasta. Presumably you have to cook for 2 kids so one more won't make a difference.

You'd normally provide tea. It really doesn't have to be extravagant. Just check in with the parent for allergies etc and give them what you'd normally serve.

Yes, I think you do, but I do either fish fingers or pizza. And why for a sibling? You should only be inviting one child?

I don't think it matters either way if you just specify beforehand. Just say 'pick up at X before tea'. Wouldn't bother me.

I think play dates after school usually include tea. But keep it simple. Best to check with the other parent if there are foods their child can't eat, obviously, and then if there's things they particularly like or dislike, and then choose whatever is easiest within that.

Either is fine as long as the other parents know what to expect. I would always feed a snack after school even if you're not feeding them tea.

If you make dinner for kids at 6 usually, it's perfectly fine not to give them.dinner. BUT you must say something so, "we do dinner at 6 but so is it OK if you pick up about 530? Dinners here are a bit chaotic with other guests."

A lot of people eat dinner (or give to dc) at 5 do it is important to specify.

Having said that, giving finner doesn't need to be a big deal. Most people accept that playdate dinner food is easy, guaranteed to be eaten things like chicken nuggets or fish fingers.

I'd always feed them. I've got 4 extra kids today, I've made a picnic lunch and a curry made for tea later that I know they all like. They're an easy bunch food wise and pretty much eat anytime I put in front of them!

I've only got 1 ds and I've promised for weeks he could have pals over for the day. They're all currently wading in the sea!

It's fine not to feed them as long as you make it clear ahead of time. IE don't just say 5.30 and assume they know that equals "before tea"

For what it's worth I pretty much always do pizzas, they're easy and everybody likes them.

I’d say pick up by 5 if you don’t want to provide tea

I think if picking up at 5.30 they may expect to have had their tea. At 5 i wouldnt invite the sibling for a playdate - just do a tea of something like fishfingers chips/ pasta/ mini pizza and veg. You could make it 6 to pick up if simpler.

Around here kids normally have an after school "snack" which could be a few biscuits or some cut up apple or hummus and breadsticks for example so I would have something for when they get in too.

Either is fine so long as you say beforehand, though at early primary school tea is usually around 5. I'd want to pick up then if DD wasn't being fed so I could give her something and not push bedtime too late.

I thought the 'sibling' mentioned was the OPs own toddler.

If you're not cooking you'll have to specify. My 5yo is climbing the walls with hunger by 5.30, so if I picked him up at 5.30, took him home then started cooking he'd have gone full Hulk by the time it was ready.

Thanks all. Maybe I need to suck it up and get out the fish fingers then! (And yes, the toddler is ours- he's tricky at dinner)

I usually say would they like to stay for tea

Usually get served things like fish fingers , pasta , pizza, chips with juice.
I offer fruit too and a pudding. Very easy food

Definitely feed them ! I usually give them dinner not long after they come in from school. Something that’s generally liked - pesto pasta , bolognese, pizza.
If I’m not doing a dinner for whatever reason I give cheese toasties with melon or something like that.

I’ve actually had a few occasions over the summer where my dd 9 had been out for the day with a friend and dropped back after 6pm after having no dinner . It’s happened about three times and tbh I was shocked! I’d always feed a child when I take them for the day.

Yes I’m still cooking dinner for other dd but on two of the occasions we had also been out for the day so had eaten out

We always invited them for tea, and used to put out a little buffet of carrot sticks, hummus, breadsticks, grapes, home made chicken fillets and babybel cheese, fruit and yoghurt (I'd just omit/substitute for any dietary requirements.). Then they could help themselves and there was always something they could/would eat.

So do you all do tea at 5ish? Then ask their folks to pick them up at what, 530ish? I know I'm overthinking this but we haven't done many (any) and I know I need to get better for her sake- the whole thing fills me with anxiety. (I was planning to give them snacks as soon as they got home from school, I wasn't going to starve them...!)

We used to do tea at 5.30 and pick up at 6.00.

If the toddler is a pain can they be fed once guest has gone home, or before guest and your older one eat?

Yep yea is 5pm in our house, I haven’t hosted a play date from school as such, but if I have friends and their kids here over our dinner time I offer to feed their kids- usually pasta and tomato sauce

You may find that having other kids to tea can be a lovely social event for all involved and kids with good table manners can sometimes rub off on yours. Why not give it a try and whittle it down to a select few of nice fun children who your kids like? Alternatively you absolutely don’t have to feed them! You can invite people to play and just say “I find tea time really stressful so shall I drop off/you pick up at x o’clock ?”

And depending on the guest it can be quite handy to have something crafty lined up for them to calm them down once they've been there for an hour and destroyed your 5yo's bedroom Get them in the garden if you can burning some energy!