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Original poster

Grandparents throwing a second birthday celebration

40 replies

Busymummy2022 · 14/08/2022 21:07

My dd turns one in a couple of weeks and we have decided to hold a small party for close family (just our siblings and parents) so around 10 people. We have had a really busy year with lots of postponed events (weddings/parties) so decided something small would be best as it will also be the weekend before I return to work following maternity leave.

My fil has now asked if he can host a second birthday party the following weekend for all of my dh's aunties, uncles and cousins (so my dd's great aunties and uncles).

I know my daughter wont understand it is her birthday or party. I feel like one celebration is enough and I was really excited about baking her first birthday cake. I feel like it should be the parents who decide about parties and host them but I'm not sure if I'm being a bit unreasonable saying no thank you?

I don't know if my judgement is clouded as I have struggled a little with how excited my pils have been since dd was born- first baby in the family for years (painting a room in their house for her/asking for daily photos/calling her "our baby"). My family adore our daughter but have very much seen her as one of the many grandchildren.

OP posts:

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Sandcastlesinthesky · 14/08/2022 21:09

I’m afraid you’re being very precious here. I would be very grateful for grandparents making such a lovely fuss of her. Children need as much love and people to love them as possible.

BurgerQueen23 · 14/08/2022 21:09

I think you are very lucky they take such an interest in your DD. You can never have too many parties. I don’t understand your issue here at all.

marcopront · 14/08/2022 21:10

If your in laws only have one grandchild and your parents have many grandchildren of course they are going to react differently. That shouldn't be a surprise.

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JudgeRindersMinder · 14/08/2022 21:11

do you always try to suck the joy out of other people’s excitement?

Acheyknees · 14/08/2022 21:12

How bizarre, would those relatives want to attend a baby's birthday party? I don't think my great auntie would. I'd say no, I couldn't be bothered with that.

ilovepixie · 14/08/2022 21:13

Your poor daughter having grandparents. Aunties, uncles, cousins who love her and want to spend time with her and do things for her. It's such a pity she is so loved and wanted!

HappyHappyHermit · 14/08/2022 21:14

How lovely, two celebrations, twice as good!

Thinkbiglittleone · 14/08/2022 21:15

A child can never have too many people around to love it.

It is, IMO, a great thing that the child's fathers family want to make it a nice big family event, embrace this and allow the child family to celebrate them

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 14/08/2022 21:15

I agree with pp, it's a nice thing they are doing and it's lovely they all care so much. Also to add my daughter's godparents did this (with our full consent) and invited lots of their side of the family. It was so nice to feel that so many people cared about our child, I'm very conscious that lots of people don't much care for babies and young children, quite the opposite! Try and let your feelings go and enjoy the party.

DisforDarkChocolate · 14/08/2022 21:15

I'm with you. There's interested and there's overstepping. It sounds like you have the later.

What does your husband think?

Lazydaisydaydream · 14/08/2022 21:20

I’m surprised so many people think this is ok - this would definitely feel like overstepping to me. It would make your party feel like the inferior celebration, like they didn’t think it was big enough.

I guess it depends on your overall relationship with them. My PILs also tried calling the baby theirs etc and I had to really rein it in as it upset me so much.

Jmommy · 14/08/2022 21:20

I find this strange and wouldn’t like it,
so totally get it you’re annoyed by this OP. It’s great they’ve asked though and not just announced they’re going to do it 😁I might agree to it if I really wouldn’t have to do anything for it but show up with DD.

Original poster

Busymummy2022 · 14/08/2022 21:21

Thank you very much for all your replies. I appreciate our families are different and so that is why I wanted to find out what other people thought. My dh is happy either way.

OP posts:

Hugasauras · 14/08/2022 21:22

I think it's very sweet and I'm sure she'll have a lovely time surrounded by lots of people who love her. She's a lucky girl

twoqueens · 14/08/2022 21:23

You are so lucky to have a family like this.
It's really sad you can't appreciate it.

You will still be baking your child's first cake as the second party is after yours.

Honestly.

Kerberos · 14/08/2022 21:25

Sounds to me like a lovely reason to get the extended family together. We don't get many of those occasions aside from weddings and funerals so I'd go with it and enjoy the day. Its not a reflection of your smaller gathering.

MammaWeasel · 14/08/2022 21:26

It won't detract from your special party for your child, and will make your inlaws very happy. You don't have to be there if you don't fancy it, let dh take her while you have a day off.

perimenofertility · 14/08/2022 21:26

If he wanted to do it before your party then I would think him unreasonable. But you are throwing a party with the cake and everything you want for her when you want to. Then he wants to carry on the celebrations another day. I say let him enjoy showing his granddaughter off to the extended family.

alotoftutus · 14/08/2022 21:26

I would have hated this to be honest - although probably mainly due to the relationship I have - well had (we are now NC) with my MIL. Her intentions wouldn't have been pure and it would have been only to one up me and throw the bigger "better" party.

Although saying that i don't think I would have liked it if my own mum did it either - actually no I definitely wouldn't.

It's a lovely thought and sounds like they are coming from a good place, but I don't think an extra party is necessary. Perhaps the aunts etc could just see your little one when she's visiting the grandparents.

Scoobydoobydo · 14/08/2022 21:27

So many grandparents can't be arsed with their grandchildren
Embrace these lovely people and enjoy the event

hedgehoglurker · 14/08/2022 21:29

twoqueens · 14/08/2022 21:23

You are so lucky to have a family like this.
It's really sad you can't appreciate it.

You will still be baking your child's first cake as the second party is after yours.

Honestly.

I agree. It would have been a "No" from me if they'd held their party first though!

LeoOliver · 14/08/2022 21:30

I think it is a very kind gesture. I think your granddaughter is lucky to have grandparents who are interested and want to be involved. I guess every family different. In my family the 1st birthdays are big events alongside baptism etc

Lbnc2021 · 14/08/2022 21:32

OP my children didn’t get so much as a birthday card off any of their family apart from me so consider yourself lucky you have a child who is so loved and cherished.

Holly60 · 14/08/2022 21:33

I think it's sweet. He's called you and asked, he is suggesting the week after. I think this is considerate enough of your feelings whilst also being excited about their grandchild.

Also FWIW them decorating a room for your DC is really lovely - I would have adored to have had my 'own' room at my grandparents as a child. So lovely and welcoming.

Asking for daily photos is also pretty standard.

It's good to get different opinions about these things OP as different families do things in different ways and if you are used to it one way it can take a while to adjust .

I would try to focus on the fact that your DC has two more people in her life who love and care about her. That can only be a positive :)

kegofcoffee · 14/08/2022 21:36

Depends on what they're planning.

A family bbq that just happens to be on the weekend? Or a party with the 3 tier cake, light up number 1, and a balloon artist?

My MIL would do the latter. And personally I'd feel like my toes were being trodden on.

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