Grandparents throwing a second birthday celebration

[Busymummy2022]

My dd turns one in a couple of weeks and we have decided to hold a small party for close family (just our siblings and parents) so around 10 people. We have had a really busy year with lots of postponed events (weddings/parties) so decided something small would be best as it will also be the weekend before I return to work following maternity leave.

My fil has now asked if he can host a second birthday party the following weekend for all of my dh's aunties, uncles and cousins (so my dd's great aunties and uncles).

I know my daughter wont understand it is her birthday or party. I feel like one celebration is enough and I was really excited about baking her first birthday cake. I feel like it should be the parents who decide about parties and host them but I'm not sure if I'm being a bit unreasonable saying no thank you?

I don't know if my judgement is clouded as I have struggled a little with how excited my pils have been since dd was born- first baby in the family for years (painting a room in their house for her/asking for daily photos/calling her "our baby"). My family adore our daughter but have very much seen her as one of the many grandchildren.

Could you explain she doesn't need two parties but if he wants to host a "family get together" then he's welcome and you will make sure you will all attend.

I think the two key things are they asked and they're planning it AFTER your party. Given this I'm struggling to see the problem really.

They're not overstepping because they've asked your permission. They're not making your party any less special because yours will be the one for her actual birthday, her first party, the cake etc. If the cake is an issue for you then let them throw a party but explain that she doesn't need another cake.

I'd try and put in into perspective, of all the problems you and your DD will inevitably come up against through her life, being too loved by her grandparents isn't really an issue is it?

Aw it's am excuse to get everyone together and show off their granddaughter.
What a lucky little girl

Accept the love

This!

As with all relationships it's about compromise.

Just say you don't want a second party. But love the idea of a low key family bbq/meal and will bring along a cake so everyone can sing happy birthday.

I really appreciate all your comments. It is good to hear from different perspectives. I completely agree that we are extremely lucky to have so many people that love her.

I think it's a weird thing to do. They could just do a big family get together instead.

Yep I’m with you OP. It’s a bit strange and I would feel like they’re trying to out-do your smaller party. It’s very kind of them to offer but it wouldn’t sit right with me either. Just go with your gut. You’re the DC’s mother. You get to decide!

I get how you feel as this could be me in a few months.
I guess it depends on what theyre like as grandparents? Are they involved alot with her, do you get on ok with them etc?
In my situation I can count on one hand how many times the in laws have seen DD in her 8 months of being earthside.
They held her as a newborn, once, and since then they havent done a single thing with her. They request an endless stream of photos to show their friends 'their grandchild' but dont make an effort to play with her, read to her etc when they do visit. Its all a bit weird to be honest. They just look at her from a distance and dont get involved.
So if your situation happened to me, I would be pretty annoyed I guess.

I think if she's lucky enough to have a family that want to do that (and you are happy with the idea of course), let them do it.

I'd certainly be grateful to have in laws that cared so much; and grateful that they care about your opinion to ask about a party.

He sounds so lovely! Your daughter is lucky to have such involved grandparents who clearly think the world of her.

Why do you think you can’t bake her first birthday cake?

This could be me. It's just a shame for the baby isn't it.

You will still bake her first cake and have your own special celebration.
I understand that it might feel abit much for you, but they are just showing their love and excitement. Imagine how sad they would feel of you said they couldn't hold a celebration too. Just see it as more people showing their love.
You still get what you want.

I am with you OP. I find it strange and I would feel as though they'd overstepped. I'm surprised so many seem to think otherwise.

Agree with you OP all seems too much. Coloured by my own relationship with PILs but I’d find that overstepping. She doesn’t need two parties - they’re welcome to arrange a family gathering of course