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Original poster

Were you a nice girl?

32 replies

BroccoliSpears · 20/01/2008 20:03

Or do you look back on your school years and more particularly your teens and die a thousand deaths at what a complete and utter knob you were?

If you, like me, were a twat, do you ever wonder how you will bring up your little girl to be a nice girl?

My blood runs cold at the thought of her taking the risks I took, but I have no frame of reference on how to be a useful, positive mother to help her become a happy, confident girl.

And will I smother her by going too far the other way?

Does anyone else worry about this?

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hotcrossbunny · 20/01/2008 20:11

I was too too nice a girl. I still struggle to buy clothes - I always had to look like a young lady and am hampered by mum whispering in my ear when I go shopping.

I didn't do anything terribly way out til I got to University and still didn't really know how to let my hair down there, although I had a fab time and it did me the world of good.

I am trying to encourage dd to be kind and considerate but not to be a doormat. I desperately don't want to crush her spirit, so she becomes a mini me... When she is a wee bit rude, I have a little dance inside me that she has her own wee personality and isn't afraid to show it.

Original poster
BroccoliSpears · 20/01/2008 20:13

lol bunny - the grass is always greener eh?!

OP posts:
Artichokes · 20/01/2008 20:16

I was a nice-ish girl. Not out of control but not a goody-two shoes. However, I did have one year where I lost all ability to make a sensible judgement. I took horrible risks and when I think about them I am that a person who is normally pretty sensible could be so stupid. Therefore I do know exactly what you mean because I shudder and sweat at the thought of DD doing similar things. But then I would not want her to miss out on fun either. It is a hard balance. No idea how you achieve it - my Mum was a pretty brilliant role model and mum and I still had that year.

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oxocube · 20/01/2008 20:16

Think I was a bit like you BS. When I think of the risks I frequently took, esp re personal safety eg walking home alone 2 miles down out of the way roads in dodgy areas. Am surprised I lived to tell the tale. Also the stupid parties, alcohol and drugs galore. And the way I treated my mum and dad at times . I could die from shame. Thankfully, they know now how much I love them and how grateful I am.

Sobernow · 20/01/2008 20:16

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Acinonyx · 20/01/2008 22:25

I do worry about this. I was a big risk taker when younger (and still not so young) and i really don't want dd to be the same. I know I caused my parents a lot of worry and I wonder if dd will be my punishment.

alfiesbabe · 20/01/2008 22:41

This is such a toughie. I was a fairly nice girl, I think, bit like hotcrossbunny in that I didn't really find my feet till University.
Trouble is, I know a few people who were wild in their youth who have reacted by being over strict with their kids. It's very hard to get the balance, and none of us will ever get it totally right, but i would definitely guard against the smothering. Kids need clear guidelines about keeping safe and the important stuff, but i believe its hugely important to let them get out there and live life. The chances are if you keep them on too tight a rein, they'll just break out and rebel spectacularly one day!

SlartyBartFast · 20/01/2008 22:43

yes, this is hard, i was lazy at school and really hope my dc will try harder than i did

SlartyBartFast · 20/01/2008 22:44

oh i#and i strated smoking aged 12!
not inhaling til 15!

expatinscotland · 20/01/2008 22:44

No. I wasn't a knob, I would not have gotten away with that. I had terrific marks, 'nice' friends and practised the religion of the home (Catholic).

But I drank, smoked cigarettes and shagged, mostly with other Catholic boys I met in church activities or school who everyone thought was so 'nice'.

Califrau · 20/01/2008 22:48

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colditz · 20/01/2008 22:50

I was a very nice girl .. but from 16 to 20 was a bit of a whore, and my blood does run cold at the mindbendingly STUPID things I used to do.

cory · 21/01/2008 08:30

I was a little horror as a toddler, then far too well behaved (=no social skills) until I went to Uni. It's the bit after that that might not be a great example to my dd.

bogie · 21/01/2008 08:35

I was evil i was kicked out of school 15 times and because of that no other school would let me join.
I skipped school to run errends that could of put me in prison for a long time, just to make a £10.
I was always fighting and it took me being arrested for fighting for me to calm down a bit.

Ambi · 21/01/2008 08:46

I was the same as sobernow, not the worst girl in school but the baddest of my friends, smoking/drugs/sleeping around. Also very cheeky at school to my teachers, but because my grades were good, I never really got in trouble. I didn't do any homework at all, but because I could answer the questions in class, got away with it. I have a 5 week old daughter and am terrified she'll be like I was with my mum during the evil teen years.

Hulababy · 21/01/2008 08:46

I was a good girl when little, and even as a teenager. Didn't rebel. OK, I had a tendancy to answer my parents back, but never pushed things too far. I was very good at school. Even at uni I was pretty good - mainly as I had a serious boyfriend throughout sixth form and uni years (now Dh!).

But I had good friends and we always had a laugh.

Shame I didn't rebel a little bit though

smartiejake · 21/01/2008 08:52

I was terribly good at school- never even got a detention- not once. Never smoked or took drugs. Didn't drink till I was 18. (Actually didn't like it at the time.)

Am now a very boring overweight and frumpy 42 year old who rather regrets not having been just a little bit rebellious.

Sobernow · 21/01/2008 12:42

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binkleandflip · 21/01/2008 12:46

I was a lovely girl at school , and a complete tart after it The thought of dd being as promiscuous as I was makes my blood turn cold. I wouldnt condemn her if she was too though - or encourage her either (although it was FANTASTIC )

PetitFilou1 · 21/01/2008 12:57

Yes I was. The only 'bad' thing I did was go out with a very good looking biker when I was 17, who didn't have many career prospects . I was generally happy, enjoyed my schoolwork and had low frustration levels as a teenager. I tried drugs a couple of times but never took them up. I was always a worrier and always wanted to please my parents. I'm a perfectionist and like having control - I was not so happy in my mid twenties but am happier again now. I think it is partly to do with nature and partly nurture.
I think the best thing you can do is to give your child confidence, keep their self esteem up and make them feel valued. Make them feel as though whatever they choose to do in life as long as they are happy you will be.

Enid · 21/01/2008 12:58

no I was awful

Miu · 21/01/2008 13:01

Hmm, by your definitions I was a "good girl" but I would still regard myself as rebellious! When I was 13/14, whilst all my peers were out shagging and getting drunk, I rebelled against them, wore long white socks and lace up shoes, sat at the front of the class and always did my homework. I just couldn't bear to be a "sheep" so swung the pendulum the other way! After doing my A levels I was one out of only two pupils who did not go straight on to University - instead, I worked in a pub for 18 months, then went to Uni two years late.

I've continued being a rebel into adulthood. I've lived on a remote island with no shops, I don't wear make-up or follow fashion (I make my own clothes), and I have four children (which is a bit eyebrow-raising round here).

I think my dds are going to be similar (too soon to tell with the dses yet!). Dd1 for example has very short hair and wears combats and DM boots, yet loves cross-stitch and (until recently) playing with dolls. She is very much her own person and won't follow her peers.
(It's Miaou on a diet, btw)

TigerFeet · 21/01/2008 13:11

I don't know if I was bad or not really

Took some risks but not as many as some although I didn't see it as risky at the time. Aged 18 I would walk the two miles home alone at times. My then bf lived in Manchester and I would wait at dark, empty train stations for trains to and from his place. It wasn't that long ago (15 years) but perceptions have changed in that time and no-one thought as much of it then - although my Mum was (rightfully!) concerned for my virtue.

Took some drugs but not as many as some and nothing harder than dope (but there was a lot of dope)

Smoked fags, drank booze, often to excess but always in a large group

Didn't go out drinking until aged 17 but got into it fairly quickly

I was a shocking student - really lazy and could have done so much better than I did. I do regret that in a way but if I had worked harder my life would have gone a different way and who knows if I would have been any happier?????

In a way the Manchester bf was a good thing as most of the above was done at his house with plenty of people about so not as risky as hanging around the streets getting arseholed.

Would I want my late teenage/early 20's years for dd? I really don't know. Some of what I did was stupid in hindsight but I would have been incredibly unlucky if I had come to harm because of any of it.

OrmIrian · 21/01/2008 13:13

I was nice. But I suspect an utter knob at times too. The 2 are not mutually exclusive.

llynnnn · 21/01/2008 13:19

i think i was too good and quiet! I never said anything to anyone through school and found it hard to make friends. just kept my head down, did all my work and left school & college with pretty good resukts but very little social life!!
Still not the loudest person now by any stretch and have to really try to talk to others.
how can i make my dd more confident and able to stand up for herself and make friends etc!! it does worry me!
Guess I'm on the other side of the fence to most of you!!

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