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Original poster

How old was your LO when you first left them overnight?

33 replies

Calphurnia88 · 13/08/2022 16:23

Just that really!

LO is almost 5mo. Pre-baby I had envisaged by now we would be leaving him with DGPs overnight so we could have some time to ourselves.

Fast forward to the present and this couldn't be further from the truth. He needs support to sleep and will only allow me to settle him (he gets agitated if my partner tries). He wakes up several times in the night and needs me to settle him back to sleep. As such, I go to bed at the same time as him to maximise both our sleep.

I know this is all biologically normal and have no interest in sleep training (although I have been layering sleep associations) but I guess it's weighing on me that LO is very reliant on me at bedtime/nighttime. Given my partner can't even settle him I don't think anyone else would stand a chance (we have attempted evenings with LO at DGPs. They were not successful 😅).

It would be good to read other people's experiences, especially anyone with babies who needed support to sleep.

OP posts:
BeanieTeen · 13/08/2022 16:31

Each to their own - I don’t think there’s a right or wrong age to leave them, it just depends on their temperament and who you leave them with. At around 4 months we had DGPs babysitting for the first time, I think it was our wedding anniversary, but not overnight - just a few hours while we went out for a meal. I personally don’t know anyone who left their baby that young overnight regularly to have time alone. Most babies wake regularly wake at that age - I wouldn’t expect whoever is babysitting to deal with night feeds, especially regularly, it’s quite an inconvenience in my opinion. I think the first time we went for a night away after DS was born he was around 18 months.

Youcancallmeirrelevant · 13/08/2022 16:37

2 months for the first time overnight with GP, then its been once a month or so ever since (DD now 4yo). Left her with friends as well for some evenings out where they will babysit at our house

Mymoneydontjigglejiggle · 13/08/2022 16:38

My first was a terrible sleeper, didn't leave him overnight until he was 2. Second was much better and still didn't leave him overnight until 2 Grin It doesn't bother me though, if it had I'd have done it sooner! Just go with what feels right for your family.

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eurochick · 13/08/2022 16:39

She was left with her dad while I travelled on business from 6 months.

We don't have any relatives she could stay with so she first stayed away from both of us at a sleepover, aged 7.

AliceW89 · 13/08/2022 16:41

My DS was like yours at 5 months. Woke a lot and would only settle for me (and by me, I mean a breastfeed, he didn’t really care it was me I don’t think 😂)

We night weaned at about 10 months and I started leaving him with DH not long after to do night shifts. He mostly slept through at that point. DH and I left him for the first time with grandparents for a wedding when he was 15 months. It’s really dependent on your DCs personality though. My DS is quite independent and likes sleeping in his own space. Some of my friends would have struggled to leave their DCs at 1.

Chanel05 · 13/08/2022 16:43

My daughter is 2 next month and I haven't left her overnight yet! I'm due baby 2 in December when she's 2 years 3 months and that'll be the first time I leave her overnight.

mrsed1987 · 13/08/2022 16:44

My son is 3.5 years old and he hasn't ever stayed with anyone else.

My parents are older and my in laws don't have much contact.

But having said that I haven't had a reason for him to stay elsewhere.

Arsewangry · 13/08/2022 16:45

Ds is 4 and he has been away overnight for the first time ever with his grandparents this week.

MoodyTwo · 13/08/2022 16:46

First DS we didn't leave till he was about 2 as he was such a poor sleeper I wouldn't put that one anyone... then we left him about once a month, then Covid hit and not had another sleep over since

GiltEdges · 13/08/2022 16:47

We’ve never left DS (age 3) with GPs overnight. Or anyone else for that matter. He’s a terrible sleeper and I just know he wouldn’t do well waking up somewhere else and without either me or his dad to comfort him. I’m not sure when we’ll re approach it, but I’m in no particular rush so will probably wait until he asks about it.

DelurkingAJ · 13/08/2022 16:49

DS1 was exclusively bf and an appalling sleeper. Wasn’t left without me overnight until DH took him off to DPIL for a week to night wean at 2. Left to stay overnight with neither of us about 3 (with DPIL).

DS2 also exclusively bf but a much much better sleeper. Went with DS1 aged 18 months to stay with DM so we could go to a wedding.

SauvignonBlanche · 13/08/2022 16:52

DS was 9 and DD was 6, it was our 11th Wedding anniversary, I remember the hangover best 😱

Babyboomtastic · 13/08/2022 17:18

Chanel05 · 13/08/2022 16:43

My daughter is 2 next month and I haven't left her overnight yet! I'm due baby 2 in December when she's 2 years 3 months and that'll be the first time I leave her overnight.

If it may, I'm going to suggest that you don't do this - do some trial runs first!

Leaving it until the day of birth will make it much more stressful for you (you'll be worrying like mad whether she'll settle etc) and, more crucially, it it reduces the risk of it causing jealously/upset your toddler because she thinks she's been pushed out because of the baby...

We did sleepovers a few times from the second trimester - maybe 3-4 in total. It meant that I had zero concerns about my toddler's happiness whilst I was in hospital, and she remembers it as a holiday.

Just a thought...

Original poster
Calphurnia88 · 13/08/2022 17:59

Thanks for all the replies so far!

I think I came into this a little naive/optimistic... 🙈 it's reassuring to know that it's not out of the ordinary that we haven't left LO overnight yet, and may not do for some while yet (and that's fine).

OP posts:
ApolloandDaphne · 13/08/2022 18:06

We left DD1 with her GP when she was around 13 months so we could go to a Christmas party. DD2 was born 9 months later. Be warned!

PlainJaneSuperbrainthe2nd · 13/08/2022 19:37

The first time both DH and were away together the children were 7 and 4!!! First time I went away without my youngest he was 20 months I think - 2 nights an he was with DH.

RosieLee2019 · 13/08/2022 19:43

19 months, and that’s because I had to be away for work. Before i had him I naively thought I’d be having nights away by 6 months… in reality, he was a lockdown baby, exclusively breastfed and we ended up co-sleeping - still do now at 20 months. I was the only one able to put him to bed until 16 months, and he has always woken in the night and needed bf-ing back to sleep.

in terms of when DH and I will be able to leave him… I think that will be a while yet, due to the fact he’s still bf and co-sleeping, but also because it’s not practical due to our GP’s circumstances.

dmask · 13/08/2022 19:45

We don’t have grandparents close, so if they come up they stay over. We left ours at 5 months when we went to a party 8kms away, but were back by 11pm (didn’t need to stay over as we lived so close). Ours slept through the night by 10 weeks, so they were no bother in terms of sleeping, I just fed before I went out and then in the morning. Would have definitely left them overnight at that age as they wouldn’t have known if we were there or not as they were asleep! I think it just depends on the baby and the capabilities of the sitters (grandparents have bad knees and we have steep stairs to it’s a lot to ask now as we have a toddler who would be heavy to carry up and down). Would love a night away and a proper lie in though!!

Simonjt · 13/08/2022 19:47

My son had not long turned two, our daughter was six months old, but she was at home and we settled her and put her down for bed before we left.

Russell19 · 13/08/2022 19:49

Mine was over 3 ans even now has only done a few times.

bakewellbride · 13/08/2022 19:49

3 and a half years and that was so I could give birth to his sister! It was his first ever sleep over and he absolutely loved it. My friend said he had a brilliant time.

dmask · 13/08/2022 19:50

Oh, but in terms of just me going out, I did that at 3m. Ours took a bottle so I could easily express for the feed before bed. Not been away in my own for the night yet, have had no need as I only go out in London, and a cab is never more than 30mins home. Hoping to go and visit a friend soon though so will hopefully get that night away and a lie in, would be nice to be able to do that with my husband, just don’t have family who live nearby unfortunately.

BendingSpoons · 14/08/2022 16:07

We first left DD overnight at 2yo. It disrupted her sleep for 4 nights afterwards so we didn't do it again for 6 months. We had an evening put earlier than that, but not until about 10 months when I felt she could cope if she woke and I wasn't on hand to feed her.

Rose2108 · 14/08/2022 19:49

We left our little one with GP's at 4 months as we had a wedding. He's stayed over with them probably about 5 times now and he's 9 months. He loves it there! And sleeps so well. Do what feels right for you, don't compare yourself. I always wake up in the night and panic that the monitor isn't on 🤣 x

mrscotton · 14/08/2022 22:33

My LO is just 5 months, ive not left him overnight and only left him for about 2 and half hours altogether since being born. Twice to get my hair done, he was 2 and half months and 5 months, each time was for an hour max and once to pick my niece up from nursery which was 20 mins.

He is quite a good sleeper but will settle for me easier than my husband so i do bedtime most days.

My brother & SIL left their daughter with my Mum for a week just before her first birthday so everyone is different.

I would just go with when your ready, there isnt any right or wrong time.