I HATE being a mum

[Firsttimemumproblems]

Nc for this because I am ashamed of how I feel.
Disclaimer: I love my son very much and would do anything for him
BUT I hate being a mum. He’s 6 months old and it is not getting easier like everyone told me it would. I find it very repetitive and boring. And the worst part is the stress it’s causing me.
Before I had him I was always described by my friends as the ‘chilled’ ‘laid-backed’ one. But since having him I can’t be myself. I can’t just chill and go with the flow. I have to stick to routines/schedules/timings. Sleep is the worst. Everytime he wakes up from a nap I’m thinking ‘okay X amount of minutes until your next one.’ I feel like I can never fully relax because I’m always on edge.
I am a single mum so I’m not sure if that has made it harder, although he stays one night at his dad a week (which does take the stress off a bit but then I’m still stressed about him when he’s not with me, wondering if he has had enough sleep and food.)
I just don’t feel like myself at all. Haven’t done since the day I gave birth. Feel like I’m in survival mode all the time and can never catch a break. I don’t resent my son at all, like I said earlier I do love him a lot. But being a mother is nothing like I imagined and I can’t help but wish for my old life back.
Has anyone felt like this after having a baby? Did it last forever?

I was bored and lonely on maternity leave but it IS repetitive and boring. Nothing exciting about repeatedly changing nappies or sterilising bottles.

But I didn't get stressed about naps. I was so fed up of being inside that I bought a sling and went hiking most days. That summer was cooler than this year. Ds could sleep whenever be wanted but got into his own routine. He just came along for the ride

What happens if you just get on with stuff?Put him on a playmat or in a playpen within sight ?

I felt exactly the same, it started to pass from when he was a year old. By the time he was 18 months old I loved being a mum and it has remained the same ever since. For me the baby stage is rubbish but I love Toddlers. I found that communication was the thing that really changed everything, it takes away so much of the guesswork and allows you to build a much more rewarding relationship.

Do you work ? I found I needed adult company, and for someone to say thank you to me.

@KangarooKenny yes I went back to work part time when he was 4 months so I don’t think it’s that. Although I work from home so it isn’t real human interaction.

@MintJulia I wish I couldn’t stress about naps! I feel like my baby is always tired and that’s why I’m so obsessed with naps.
he takes all his naps in the sling anyway but I mostly pace around my flat. Might try walking outdoors as am getting very bored of staring at my furniture.

@DreamingofItaly2023 That’s given me some hope so thank you!

Op I won't lie to you , I still have moments like this now ds is 8! Being a single mum is very hard not something anyone would do willingly.
The baby stage is hard but it does get easier I promise. What helps me is talking to friends and family .
Its really challenging ALL THE TIME and it is relentless, but you got this ! 👍

It helps because people will chat to you as you walk.
I walked the Ridgeway that summer. I planned each stage around bus times and walked about eight miles a day. It took a bit of planning but I was BORED. Got a few odd looks if anyone saw me changing a nappy in a field but otherwise it was good.

Take a changing pack - towel, 2 nappies, wipes, plastic bag - it's all you need. I hope it helps 🙂

Definitely try doing the walking outside. It will help you feel happier. You sound like a great mum, btw, and things WILL get more enjoyable. The baby stage is boring, the toddler stage is hard (following them around the whole time to keep them out of danger) but after that it's all joy.

I HATED 0-1, and also got very very stressed about naps. I found it very upsetting when everyone said it would get better at 6 months and it really didn't seem to. It was a lit better by 1 though, especially when she dropped to one nap. No advice really, but you're not the only one who finds it miserable and incredibly stressful. 💐

Do you use the huckleberry app btw? If I could go back in time I would delete it as it just made me more stressed.

(NB, DD has just turned 2 and 1-2 has been amazing.. Really hope it stays this way 🤞)

This is why l went back to work- my boss appreciates me so much more than everyone at home!

Walking around outside for naps helped me a lot! Especially in the woods/countryside

I felt like this until my daughter was at least 18 months, and I also went back to work at 3 months. If I didn't share the load 50/50 with a partner, I would probably have gone mad - you're doing amazingly well to keep it together.

It does get easier when they can properly interact but that comes with other challenges. My only advice would be just to do what you want and just take the baby with you, especially at that age. Even as they get older, make sure your needs are also being met, even if that's sitting with a coffee in the park/soft play.

Do you have friends with small children/ babies? It takes the pressure off a bit if you can all hang out together.

My daughter is 3 now and I do still find parenting claustrophobic but generally more enjoyable. I'm looking forward to her starting school so I can get some time back during the week (and then feel guilty for wishing this time away - you can't bloody win!).

I found the baby stage lonely and boring as fuck. So much so, I only had the one. Our society is terrible at supporting mums, many new mums get depressed by the repetitiveness of it all. However, it does get better and in no time they are off to school and you get your life back.

The first 6 months are hard. I found going for a walk for a change of scenery was great for both of us. Do you go out and visit with friends or family?

if you are feeling this all the time maybe get some advice from a HV.

That first year is just hell op. Some people just adore babies, and some (like me) really don't! And it does depend on the baby. Mine were grizzly, rarely content, sicky, miserable, and didn't nap well, I gave up on routines and sleep schedules as it just stressed me out further. My friend has recently had a baby and he's so chilled out and happy, and she thoroughly enjoys it, and I will happily sit cuddling him all day, and spending time with him, as it's a joy. With my own it just seemed a relentless cycle of crying, overtired, but not sleeping, shit. I feel maybe I would have enjoyed it more if I'd had easier babies. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel, they do get easier, maybe not overnight at 6 months, but by the time he's a year old, at some point, these days will be behind you, and they're so much more enjoyable when you can start teaching them about the world and getting some actual interaction and communication back. Mine are now 8 and 6, and absolutely brilliant, entertain themselves for hours on end, and are such fun to be around. I really miss the toddler/preschool stage as I loved spending all day with them without having the time of school. But when they were babies, I genuinely thought I'd never enjoy being a parent.

I feel similar, DD is the same age. It’s just relentless, Groundhog Day and bub’s mood is so unpredictable. I feel like if she was consistently happy I’d enjoy it a lot more but I bet anxious taking her anywhere in case she cries.

This is the stage where I really struggled. They need more attention and lets be honest, its quite boring! I too would have this crushing feeling everytime I woke up in the morning with a long day stretched ahead of me.

My suggestion would be to plan your week and just get on with it as best you can. My DD was a really whingey baby which made me nervous about going out but I always felt better when I did.

Monday: Playground
Tuesday: Softplay
Wednesday: Baby group
Thursday: coffee shop
Friday: Swimming

Have a look at local free or very cheap baby groups or meets. It made the world of difference for me to be able to get out the house.

It does get better. Once DD started walking and talking it was so much more fun and enjoyable

Glad to know I ain’t the only one and that it does get easier.
will make an effort to go outdoors more but re the baby classes, how do you all manage attending a class when your baby is so unpredictable? Like if there was a class at 10-11am and your baby needs a nap at 9:45, what do you do? Skip the nap or the class? I just feel like taking him to groups would add more stress to my days, although it would be nice to meet some mum friends as I currently have zero

I have the same issue in that most groups tend to be in the AM and she NEEDS to nap or she’ll be a total grouch, so if she surprises me and has a long nap then we couldn’t make the group 🥴

Is there a local mums facebook group you can join? I always avoided classes that directly clashed with naps but I found lots were always around 11am which as doable. Sometimes DD loved it. Sometimes she was a tiny little arsehole who screamed. It happens. Babies cry. The people who run the classes know this!

Have you also tried Peanut? It honestly is great to find local mums even if you just whinge over whatsapp to each other!

Have you started weaning yet? I find that handy as something to focus on and give me something to do!

Can you afford childcare? Put him in nursery for a few days if you can.

I have felt exactly how you describe and it is awful. You have my sympathies 💕

I had no idea how it would ever end & often panicked at the thought of feeling like that forever. I found getting out of the house a lifesaver and used my sling religiously. It just helped shift the mood a bit.
I then felt I could speak to my GP and was treated for PND and my life transformed. The days got much easier and I could cope normally. I stopped counting the minutes and was able to relax.
Once he could walk, things got even better and as he got older, less frustrated and needed less naps, we started being able to get out and about for some really fun days.

I now adore my son who will be 3 this week and have (mostly) wonderful times with him.
I even had another one!

It does get easier, I promise.