DD (14) called me an imbecile

[adriftabroad]

Normally well behaved, just us, get on really well.

This was so rude. wwyd?

(I asked her for the nth time to empty the dishwasher, 12 weeks holiday)

Normally well behaved - she’s hormonal, won’t do anything without challenging you for asking.
Empty the dishwasher or X happens - she will. But she will moan and it will take her ages but whilst she’s doing the chore leave her be.
be consistent in your approach and fight your battles some things just not worth the battle

🤣tell her it’s genetic!!
seriously tho, pick your battles, there’s a lot more hormone rage to come

What would I do? Pull her up on it, say it's really rude and that I don't expect to hear her say it again to me.

And leave it at that probably

Thanks for replying @WinnysPinny very kind.

I am just on my own and hate this. I feel so isolated! (Not her problem I know)

We are in a hot place, I tend to bring her food to her room often, am a relaxed parent. So many times I have asked her just to clear her plates. But this horrible expression really pissed me off!

I have never confiscated her phone. But, I want to.

Thank you both @HardRockOwl @Littlemissprosecco .

I do pick my battles, that[s the thing. I am worried I spoil her.

I will just calm down.

Thank you.

Next time she needs something, say you won’t cos she called you an imbecile. It does make them think. But don’t dwell on it or make it a big thing

"Mum, can you do XYZ for me?"

(calm voice) "No, I'm still upset you called me an imbecile."

Start easing off after 2 or 3 days.

Thank you @Littlemissprosecco @FourChimneys I will do this.

I value all your advice as it is hard in a different country solo, so thank you very much.

Sure tomorrow will be better.

I think I'd laugh, Does she usually speak like an evil 19th century nobleman? I'd then tell her to get on and do as she's told, 'An imbecile like me couldn't possibly be trusted to empty the dishwasher, there's sharp things in there.'

If she asks you to do anything for her, tell her it's way over your head!

😂Thank you!

Did she sound like she really meant it?

Might not be the case but I recall several instances of using terms like this incorrectly when I was a teen, sort of misinterpreting how harsh they were and thinking they were more jokey than they were.

Can you sit and have dinner together? There's only me and DC and we sit at the table. It shouldn't be that your running some sort of cafe.... so you cook and run the food out also? Don't be doing too much.
Agree though let it go OP.

Reading other

You are lucky that's all she called you op ! Lots more to come and you most definitely have not seen the worst of it. Pick battles carefully to avoid mental and emotional burnout on your part.

..... Threads on here (sorry for the interruption, fat fingers) this is quite normal for teenagers.

I didn't have it with my lovely daughter, but that was due to circumstances I wouldn't wish on any child.

between the ages of about 13 and 15, daughter's best friends mother was very ill, and died. It was difficult for my daughter (though, obviously worse for her friend) and I think it made her aware at too early an age that parents can, and do, die. So you "missed out"on the "I hate you" thing that teens tend to go through.

the best advice I've seen is simply to say, in your case something like "I'm sorry you feel like that. Wonder how I managed to birth such a bright person"

It seems as if she doesn't know what an imbecile is. I would tell her to Google it and then at least she'll know for next time 😁

Sorry, you take her food to her room often?

You are on holidays for 12 weeks?

I have 2 teenagers and I would burst out laughing if they said that to me. It does sound a bit old fashioned!

It hurts. It hurts more when you're a single parent & 'a team' with your DC. I think sometimes they forget you're the parent, not a friend/sibling.

For me it would depend on how aggressively she said it & how it came about, what I said/did/ about it.

have a 🍹xx

Thanks for all new messages, she definitely knows what it means, in Spanish it[s the same word and also horrible and yes, 12 weeks of school holiday here. It is so bloody hot, I[ve probably lost my mind.

Yes, to a PP, I take her beakfast and lunch (too hot outside) and I should stop doing this. (I do it to make up for absent father) I do alot for that and think I should stop.
You have all calmed me down... I suppose I do have to face I have worse to come ...

Her phone is by my bed though!

Thank you @user1471453601, poor DD

@50daysplus yes, going to do less. Thanks. @Inthesameboatatmo yes, got to protect own mental health.

Thanks everyone.

This is exactly it! Thank you!

Are you in Spain? Isn’t that the translation for ‘idiot?’

It’s her age, OP. 14 year old girls can be fantastically difficult for their parents and teachers. Keep reminding yourself that it’s not personal at all!

Thank you! It[s probably worse in English. (Spanish bad...me)@Axahooxa

Yes, I think at 14 she doesn’t need to be waitered on, and is perfectly capable of walking to the kitchen to get her breakfast and lunch. At that age, she should be able to make her breakfast herself.

Agreed @Riverlee going to back off now. 14 is 14! I must remember this.