Please go easy on me as I'm judging the hell out of myself right now and feel as though I'm not bringing any value to our family life at present. The situation with my daughter is making me wonder if I can take much more. I also have a stressful job in healthcare which is all consuming for me and paired with the family situation it's just unbreable mentally.
My daughter aged 12 (year 7) has always been emotionally explosive since about 4/5 and prone to emotional and angry episodes which can last hours and in this case, over night into this afternoon. Today has just been awful and I'm so devastated our life has come to what it is.
Despite all this she won't engage with any help, I.e
counselling via school, GP or private. I used to be able to deal with the meltdowns relatively calmly but as she's getting older she's getting destructive around the house (bashing doors, throwing dining room chairs, throwing doorstops etc) and I can't contain it anymore as I'm on the brink of a nervous breakdown. She has always suffered with insomnia (challenge getting to sleep, generally anxious about sleep) and this seems to exasperate the situation
To give you a typical rundown of an episode, this is how it has gone last night through to this afternoon. Yesterday she goes to her friends party, has a fantastic time and gets home around 10... seems in a good mood. It's getting near 11 and me and my husband ask her to get her PJs on... she says in a minute, sat on her phone. Repeat this 6 times over the next 20 minutes and still no PJs and I'm feeling very pissed off. Her reaction is leave me alone, you're always angry at me, I'll do it in a minute etc etc. Then she starts getting sarcastic and just plain disrespectful. It escalates, and she ends up screaming how horrible we are, she hates us, bashing doors and punching pillows. We live in a quiet street so I have to go round shutting windows because my neighbours have to hear this a lot. Her little brother is in bed, but she doesn't care and keeps screaming and yelling. All about putting her PJs on! She also regularly says she doesn't care about neighbours hearing her, so she has no embarrassment. I lock her bedroom window so the noise is contained (small window at top still open). We end up leaving her downstairs and by looking at the camera she rolls into bed at 1.30am.
This morning, she wouldn't get up (usual story at weekends) we attempt to have a talk with her but she tells us to leave her alone. Hours roll past, and she knows we have a family lunch today that she really wants to go to but.. Still in bed. She's pissed off her window is locked, and doesn't seem to grasp the fact it's to save the neighbours eardrums. But she uses this as a negotiation for getting ready for the lunch, "unlock my window then I will get ready" ...when she realises I'm not going to do it, she goes into full meltdown screaming, yelling, throwing objects, hitting, saying she hates us, storming round the house looking for the window key and slamming every cupboard door in her path. She even throws water over us
Now, I'm sat in my living room with my Sunday best on with no where to go as I've stayed home with her and husband has gone to the lunch with her brother (I said just go as it's his family) She is in no fit state after that rage. I'm pissed off and upset in equal measures. I want to help her, I have read books on strategies and communication with explosive children but this is just getting worse. My husband is very supportive, and we are definitely a team, just equally as exhausted with it all.
She's lovely 95% of the time but I cannot deal with these mood swings. I'm going to call the GP tomorrow but I have no clue what they can actually do. She does well at school, has nice friends and is bright. She also has a steady home life and small, close family. These episodes happen at least once a week and often leaves me in tears and often regretful if I've yelled back.
She has caused a lot damage in the house recently and last time threw a couple of dining chairs onto the garden lawn, and time before that pulled her wardrobe door off and made out as though it fell on her randomly? She's really going to break something soon or hurt herself or one of us. She's currently in another room not talking to me but I don't want to talk to her right now. It's so intense when she's screaming at me non stop for hours on end, I'm scared what she is going to do next and I really want to help her. I am considering taking some time off work due to stress. My weekend has been far from relaxing and I have to go back to work tomorrow which makes me want to cry to be honest.
Thanks for reading. Any advice very welcome.