4yo resistant to learning

[Izzymay]

Hi fellow mums/mums to be

I’m looking for parenting advice on what to do about a 4 year old (almost 5) who is very resistant to learning. I’m trying to teach her how to read, and she’s doing ok, but it’s really hard getting her to focus for 3-5 minutes. She either zones out, or zones in so much that she asks numerous random questions.

she also tries to get my attention by pretending not to know things. I often have to level with her and say something like ‘look mummy is really tired today, can you just stop this and read it, she will read the page without an issue.

The Oxford reading books for her age group are very shorty. It could take us 3-5min to read the book but her lack of concentration means it can take 15-20minutes. If I were to follow her guide and stop when she stops showing interest, we would not get past the title. She has zero interest in learning anything.

Any advice on how to deal with this would be much appreciated.

I still can't work out whether your DD is about to start Reception or Y1? Please confirm OP

My daughter is similar. She gets fed up and tired very easily so we tend to only read in short bursts. I worry if we push her to finish the book each time then she will begin to hate it. I’d encourage one more page when she starts to flag, but leave it there so you are building the expectation to push herself but not ruin Reading for her. It is hard though!!

STOP.

You clearly know nothing about teaching reading to very young children and are causing the inattention/distraction problem you blame her for. That's not in her interest.

Just play lots of fun games like Snap, Ludo, snakes and ladders., dominoes, drawing and colouring in. "I spy" using letter sounds not names. like " I Spy something beginning with sssssssssssssss".

These all help her to focus her attention, compare and match shapes, take turns, respond to a stimulus, listen. Eye to hand control.

@Izzymay shes not ‘resistant to this style of learning’. She’s 4. No 4 year old learns like this, even in school they will not be that forceful, in year R learning is through play and some small group/whole class activities but it’s still approached in a fun way. All you’re going to do that way is put her off reading. The same with slowly reading and sounding out words, it’s not going to help, it’s going to put her off. Read to her so she learns to enjoy reading and do other activities to boost her phonics knowledge (search phonics games on Pinterest/ look at five minute mum website for phonics games you can do which are fun and teach wary reading skills).

Also, if she’s not 5 until September she’s only just going into reception? Most kids start reception just starting phase 2 phonics and end on phase 3. If your daughter can already read 3 letter cvc words I.e dog, cat, pig then she’s already ahead. So you really don’t need to worry. She will already have a good head start on reading. www.littlewandlelettersandsounds.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2021/12/Programme-Overview_Reception-and-Year-1-1.pdf
That document outlines the phases and the approx timeline most schools will follow through reception and year 1. If you look at it you will see she’s ahead already.

Start encouraging reading for pleasure, including chatting about the stories, and stop trying to ‘teach’ her. Play with her instead, get some orchard tree games and play bingo/snap, Id play ones with numbers and shapes personally, as reading is the main focus in reception so it’d be more helpful to focus on other skills. Or if you want play phonics games with her, but stop trying to teach her. You aren’t her teacher and children this age don’t learn in the traditional teaching sense, they need to learn through play.

I don’t feel like it’s an ability issue, because she will act as if she can’t read - then I will tell her ‘please don’t annoy mummy today I’m tired’ … then magically she will read fine

That illustrates exactly what you are doing wrong.

You 're role-playing poor socialisation , in which you play the pity-me victim sympathy card to "earn" her co-operation or compliance. She controls and punishes you by withholding and refusal. She's learning to resent and defy the teacher.

You're crushing all the fun and pleasure out of books and learning to read and turning it into a power battle. This is the very opposite of a positive happy attitude to learning and school .

You sound draining, no wonder she doesnt want to learn. Leave her be and let the teachers do their job. You are not trained for this and if you carry on you will completely ruin any interest she does have in learning.

I think (I'm no expert here) that asking questions about the book is as valid as reading the words at this age. She is engaged with it after all.

My eldest was v young in the year like your DD. It really took until yr 1 before she starts to get it. Now a voracious reader! Doing well in secondary school.

Middle child learnt to read fairly fluently and well in reception, not a keen reader at all. Reads well above age but would rather do anything but!

So don't panic. She'll get there in her time. You're an involved parent and that makes a massive difference.

I think going forward I’m going to pull back on these sort of ‘planned’ reading sessions in favour of reading words in everyday life (without being too insistent and making it a focus). And reading her story books more slowly and sounding out the words.

Oh gosh that started off so well… and then you massively tanked with sounding out story books, WTAF? How is that your take-away from all this? Sorry OP, I’m sure you have the best intentions, but as much as you insist the schools aren’t that great, they will be way ahead of you in terms of knowing how to teach a child to read in an appropriate way. You really don’t have the expertise or even the basic common sense for this - for your DDs sake just stop.

Ok, just read updates, so she's oldest in the year! Still point stands that early reader doesn't necessarily mean she will always be ahead academically and vv.

And 4/5 IS young to start reading compared to many countries. England and Wales start a year or even two earlier than most of the rest of the world. So don't force it. Don't make reading a chore.

I am teacher. With 3 kids of my own, teenagers now.
Honestly, we teach reading very early in UK, and many many kids find it a chore, because it is taught so early.
The kids who do best at reading are those where stories and books are important at home. (this has been researched, read to them to improve their reading skills)
The very best advice to anyone with a 4 year old is to read TO them. Read loads. Read picture books and chapter books, read fiction and non fiction. Read recipes and follow them to cook, read instructions to make something and follow them together. Read letters and postcards, and send letters and postcards.
Real words, real communication.
They develop a love of books stories and the written word.

Play word games, like finding an animal for every letter of the alphabet, like I spy, like 'The vicars cat' (first person says, the vicar's cat is a fat cat, second person says the vicar's cat is a fat, ginger cat, first (or third) person says the vicar's cat is a fat, ginger, kind cat etc) You can do the same with I am going on holiday and in my suitcase is.....
Play games to find many words that mean the same - big, huge, ginormous...

All of these are much better to develop a love of reading than making her read at this point.

Reading aloud extends their vocabulary and comprhension in ways that are 100% more valuable than just being able to read 3 words on Oxford Reading Tree books. At 5, I read The Lion The Witch and the Wardrobe to my kids. We were on holiday and I read it to the oldest aged 5, and the 3 year old sat spellbound too (she didn't understand it, but loved that we were reading a big book together) At the end of each chapter I would ask thinks like - Oh no, what do you think has happened to Edmund? What will the White Queen do next? What would you do if you were there? All comprehension and extension skills. When we picked the book up again the next night, I would ask, what has happened in the story so far? And we would do a quick review.

Change your mindset from - she has to read, to I need to develop that love of reading and books.

Try baking, board games, singing, music games. These will all help her learning but also be fun.

Ease off - she's only four. She'll learn when she's ready. Read lots to her instead.

I agree with @Pinkflipflop85 and @liveforsummer, pure anecdote but I think it really helps with their comprehension. Dd has been reading with fantastic expression and tone since early on in school and it’s really helped her understanding of punctuation (changing a tone to express a ‘?’ or a ‘!’) because they start to get curious about how you know what you’re reading.

@steppemum thanks for your suggestions.

I did not know that we teach earlier than other countries in the UK. I was going off what I read online that the Oxford reading books are for 4/5 year olds ( their stage 1-2). The first time I read this a few months ago I was quite surprised because I did think it was a little early. But, I went with it, and this issue aside, she has been doing ok with them. But I don’t want this to be an issue in terms of her disliking learning, which is what is has been becoming.

I completely agree, comprehension is key. I haven’t tried a book as long as the lion the witch and the wardrobe. I used to love those books when I was younger and I think she would like it too, they could replace our shorter bedtime books and it gives more to talk about than some books.

just a comment about Oxford reading Tree.
They are not fundamentally a phonics based reading scheme although they have added a lot of phonics books in more recently.

So you have to learn the words by sight to read most of the early books.
Which is OK, but at school she will learn phonics.

My children loved trying to decode signs and what was on my shopping list.

Also, I made some flash cards with common high frequency words for them. They liked the shirt activity and seeing their progress (more cards in their pile than mine) and it was easier for them then a whole sentence in a book.

But as with a previous poster, the best thing we did with our children was read to them, every night until end of yr 6.

She s four!
It s great she is asking questions
Keep it fun
Might be "annoying" but engage with her unless it s yiur bedtine and you asleep

I was wondering if she has just finished reception and going into yr1 or is she only just starting reception in September? I think that makes a huge difference

I’m not sure if the lion, the witch and the wardrobe might be a bit long winded. DD (6) has only just started having the patience and recollection skills to enjoy chapter books this year. We’re working our way through Roald Dahl at the moment.

Julia Donaldson books (author of the gruffalo and room on the broom) are great for slightly longer stories and actually quite pleasant to read. The jolly postman books are also great and you get to look through all the different letters. Maybe take her to the library or a couple of charity shops and see what captures her attention.

When my daughter was in her final year of nursery before infant school, we were advised not to try and teach her to read and write in advance of her starting school. The theory was that if they arrive at school being able to do certain things, they zone out during the first few weeks and some never zone back in. Better if they are excited and engaged in their first few weeks of infant school, and are learning alongside their contemporaries.

My girl took to it like a duck to water and I appreciate children are all different but the logic felt very sound to me.

I'm going to get shot down here but I bought grandchildren this set of books because it's a story line and not onerous. They worked

www.amazon.co.uk/Key-Words-Collection-x36-Ladybird/dp/0723296782/ref=mp_s_a_1_1?crid=8DGTA8Y673RU&keywords=peter+and+jane+books+complete+set&qid=1659613583&sprefix=Peter+and+Jane+%2Caps%2C162&sr=8-1

At four we were reading Gruffalo, Room on the broom, giraffes can't dance together for pleasure at bed time, threw in Peter and jane casually. At ten he had a reading age of 16 we were told. We read 25 famous five books from my childhood, secret seven aged around 8. Reading should be a pleasure not a chore

Please, not ladybird Peter and Jane.
They were old when I was learning to read in early 70's.

When I was learnign about teaching reading, one of the lecturers read us a Peter and Jane. When she finished she told us that she had read is backwards. It sounded the same as when read forwards.
Which shows how poorly structured they are.

Who cares whether it's read backwards forwards or upside down if ir works