Finally gave in to formula at 19 days post partum. Feel like a failure, need help

[aimeeeleanor]

Finally gave in at 19 days & introduced formula into my Sons diet after exclusively breastfeeding

Our journey…

Born - 3110g
1st Weigh in - 2990g
2nd Weigh in - 3060g
(10 days) 3rd Weigh in - 3040g OR 3080g, the scales showed a discrepancy so had to weigh twice
(12 days) 4th Weigh in - 3090g
(17 days) 5th Weigh in - 3240g
(19 days) 6th Weigh in - 3240g

He had a tongue tie cut at 14 days, before then it was a constant struggle to satisfy his hunger… as you can tell by his slow weight gain

At his weigh in today his weight has stalled again, though the health visitor has said it’s nothing to worry about & she will come out to weigh him again in 3 days, it has rattled me.

He is constantly on the breast feeding, so I was expecting another good gain like the previous one. She suggested combination feeding with formula as I had had literally zero sleep in almost 36 hours by that point with his cluster feeding. I said no but as soon as she left & he seemed settled in his moses basket, I went upstairs for a nap & he immediately started to cry for breast

At that point I just said to my husband to give him a bottle of the pre-made 70ml Aptamil Organic formula we had bought & managed to catch 2 hours of sleep. I was woken up by my husband after the 2 hours for him to feed at the breast again. He took a good 15 minutes from me & seemed ravenous for it. He then slept for 30 mins & has now just woken up wanting to be back at the boob

I just feel like an absolute failure. Like I cannot satisfy his appetite even with supplementing him with formula. I’ve tried expressing breast milk too but barely get anything out, it’s so disheartening

Any words of advice on how to get through this please? Any words of advice on combination feeding whilst still keeping your own supply plentiful

Gosh this is tough. I’ve never experienced love like this before & i would do anything for my son but I feel like i’m failing him

Thanks guys x

Having to supplement with formula isn't failing. Some babys just need and want more than we can produce and that's nothing to feel bad about. You are doing what you need to for your child. That's winning not failing.

You say he is 19 days... they do go through a growth spurt at around 3 weeks. Im exclusively formula feeding my 7 week boy as I cant breast feed (only just started feeling OK about it so I know exactly how you feel) and at 3 weeks he was a MONSTER with wanting to feed. We went from every 3 hours to every hour even with formula and knowing he was getting a lot each feed. Same thing around the 6 week mark. I actually thought he would pop with how much he was eating.

So go with the combined for a bit longer if he wants and needs it. If it is a growth spurt it will pass. And know you aren't failing at all. You are doing everything you possibly can to make sure your baby gets what he needs

Feeding formula isn't failing its supplementing, give yourself a break your baby is being fed .

Oh and my boy was 2580 at birth - hasn't been weighed since 2 weeks as he had re gained birth weight but he didn't seem to grow much until about 4 weeks (I was doing diy weights with home scales) when he seemed to shoot up a LOT.

Firstly - you're not a failure. You're making sure your LO is fed.

But I know the feeling! I couldn't satisfy my DD, despite her feeding what seemed like continuously. I had to supplement , and felt terrible about it. But fortunately DH was very supportive and encouraging. Basically I BF dd and then she had a bit of formula after - it only seemed to need quite a small amount to settle her. After about 5 weeks I was able to ditch the bottle.

Forget about trying to pump, it's exhausting and pointless if the baby is spending a good time (just not all the time) on the breast and is taking what's there.

Also, remember that wanting to be on the breast isn’t just about feeding, it’s about comfort and closeness. Feeding constantly doesn’t mean you’re not satisfying him, it means you are satisfying him. Dummies are just false nipples - babies love sucking on a boob for all sorts of reasons and not just food related.

its tough and relentless but it really really does get easier

Ask your health visitor to request a prescription for Domperidone for you. It increases your milk supply.

Also oats will increase your milk supply - eat flapjack 😁

and drink lots!

At his weigh in today his weight has stalled again, though the health visitor has said it’s nothing to worry about & she will come out to weigh him again in 3 days, it has rattled me.

Why don’t you trust what your health visitor is saying? Your DC pretty much reached their birthweight again within what looks like 2 weeks, having not even lost 10%, and hasn’t lost any weight again since, which when you breastfeed isn’t always easy to do. I mean this kindly but you are panicking here for what looks no reason.
Keep feeding as you are. Top up every now and then if you want to or feel it’s necessary but it doesn’t seem to necessary. Your DC is always looking for the next feed because that’s how nature gets your supply up. Feed, feed, feed. It is a bit relentless but that is how it works I’m afraid.

If you would like to keep feeding there is good advice out there to help. I gave up early on my first two children which I am absolutely ok with but equally I was able to persevere on my third with advice for a couple of years.

Formula can make all the difference in getting through early hiccups. Don’t beat yourself up. It is very hard going at the start.

Baby weight gain is a big worry for many. My DD had a tongue tie cut at 8 days old and it still took her another two weeks to reach birthweight. It's not as abnormal as you probably worry that it is for them to be slow to gain. I had an oversupply and it took me until she was about 5 weeks old ie. Four weeks post tongue tie cut to get her to feed without nipple shields as well. I felt like a failure for that as everyone heavily discouraged them but you have to do whatever you have to do to get them to feed one way or another, whether that's formula or breastmilk.

Posting mainly because I can relate with the slow weight gain and remember how stressful and upsetting it was, and like I was failing her x

Your worth as a mother is not defined by the amount of milk you make.

I speak as someone who has chronic low supply caused by insufficient glandular tissue, that no amount of best practice or supplements will help. I've been in that very dark place of feeling like I was failing my baby. It's not a place I would wish any other mother to be in.

There are lots of things you can do. You can seek out an IBCLC local to you, who can observe you feeding and see if there is anything going on transfer wise that can be adjusted. Often a lot more knowledgable than the majority of midwives.

You can check if your flange size for your breast pump is the correct size for you. The standard size is ok for most women but if you have very small or very large or elastic nipples you can get better output with a different size flange. I have tiny elastic nipples so ended up ordering silicone flanges and then inserts to make them even smaller from the US. There's pumping techniques to try too, like warming your breasts, massaging them, being near your baby or looking at pictures/videos of them, watching a nice TV programme and not looking at the pump etc.

You can also supplement your baby with formula or expressed milk by using a supplemental nursing system. It's a bottle that holds the milk and has a thin tube that you tape or hold near your nipple and baby breastfeeds from you while getting their supplement. No bottle preference, extra time at the breast for stimulation for your supply, and all the other lovely things that breastfeeding brings.

We used an SNS for 7 months, and will again this time around with DC2. You can get one on Amazon, Medela do one.

Whatever you choose to do, whether you seek help to try and EBF, combi feed, or choose to go to formula completely, you are not a failure of a woman or a mother. You are doing your best for your baby, and that is all any of us can do. Please don't fall in to the trap of spending the first few weeks and months of your baby's life and your life as a new mother guilting yourself and being miserable- you will look back and wish you could have enjoyed it more.

Please get some specialist breastfeeding support @aimeeeleanor ! You sound like you’re doing all the right things, and his weight gain sounds fine - BF babies often gain slower or in a different pattern to FF babies. Either contact your local La Leche League or Google IBCLCs near you - you may have to pay, so this may not be an option. Also, give the NCT Feeding Line a call, it’s open til midnight every day and staffed by wonderful breastfeeding counsellors who will talk through what’s going on and advise/support - 0300 330 0700.

Also one last thing on weight gain- a study was done that shows a baby doesn't gain weight linearly- it's not the same amount each day. There tends to be nothing for a few days and then suddenly a massive jump in one day- hence why parents often think their baby grew overnight!

I could’ve written this - baby boy now 6 months. You have not failed. I also felt exactly like you. Carry on combi feeding - this worked great for us in the end. I kept to breast first thing in morning and last thing at night, bottles in the day. I bought a Spectra breast pump - that was also brill, I’d recommend! I pumped aswell a bit then gave that in bottles which did make me feel less guilty but please don’t follow my example on the guilt. Some people eat mash potatoes others eat roast potatoes- it doesn’t matter!!! Don’t buy into this narrative of breast is always best etc. Read Emily Osters’ book ‘cribsheet’ - she finds no real advantage to breast over bottle in health terms for the baby. My problem I think was quite a low supply so he was latching but not getting much. Also had horrendous nipple thrush. This will pass and you’ll get through it!!! Do what you need to to not have a hungry bubba that’s all that counts xxxx

You are not a failure! I've topped up with both of mine in the early weeks for different reasons, and then gone on to breastfeed exclusively thereafter. DD2 is 6 weeks and was being topped up until about two weeks ago.

Giving some formula doesn't spell the end of breastfeeding unless you want it to, and there's nothing wrong with mix feeding, even just temporarily until you get on an even keel with weight gain and sleep.

If you can get some more real-life support, that might help you to work out a way forward. If you don't have much locally, there are breastfeeding helplines.

National Breastfeeding Helpline: 0300 100 0212
Association of Breastfeeding Mothers: 0300 330 5453
La Leche League: 0345 120 2918
National Childbirth Trust (NCT): 0300 330 0700

Breastfeeding is a learned skill for mum and baby and sometimes it takes some perseverance and time to crack it and for all the pieces to fall into place. At 2 weeks PP with this baby, I thought we would have to FF and couldn't see a way out. She's now 6 weeks and we are breastfeeding without issues.

Not all of us can produce enough milk to fully feed a baby, despite what the BFing promotion insists on telling us.

It's variable, like all natural things (eg eyesight, fertility, speed you can run at!). Some will produce gallons of milk fairly easily and donate it to NICU as well as feed their own baby, others produce just enough with masses of effort, others not enough and their babies in the past became 'failure to thrive'. It's nowhere near as simple as the 'supply and demand' people go on about.

I found knowing the risk factors for low supply really helpful - I realised I hadn't failed, BFIng promotion had failed to tell me the truth. fedisbest.org/resources-for-parents/know-risks-delayed-onset-full-breast-milk-supply/

And, it's absolutely fine to combine BFIng with FFIng or to just FF. I never got above 50% supply (I have multiple risk factors for low supply - not that anyone warned me in advance!) but did BF to 3.5 years in the end.

So true in my case. Felt like nothing until 4 weeks when suddenly I woke up, he looked bigger, felt heavier and had outgrown all his tiny baby clothes ... it was quite surreal actually

I think if you want to give formula so you can sleep and rest that’s absolutely your decision and it’s v important to get a break as you must be exhausted.
However I totally disagree that your body won’t be making enough milk , that’s actually really , really unusual, like think about it , the human race would have died out if that was common and true as formula is relatively new. Babies at that age cluster feed , it’s totally normal, I thought I first read 19 weeks but your baby is only 19 days !! They are brand new , it’s so, so normal for them to do this, I bf three dcs and all male and they all fed loads , they put on weight slower than bottle fed babies (sometimes I worry that this could be a problem with knowledge re weight gain with hcp in the UK and here in Ireland where a tiny minority of mums actually exclusively bf and they see so many , vast majority of formula fed babies)
Btw if you want to give formula that’s absolutely your choice but I think it’s important to point out that what’s happening is probably totally natural, exhausting but natural. I know you’ll get loads of responses encouraging formula feeding etc and people mean well but at 19 days your baby is totally new and the first few weeks of establishing bf is tough but what you describe sounds pretty normal.

Domperidone carries a risk of serious cardiac side effects which is why it isn't recommended for this.

I’ve tried expressing breast milk too but barely get anything out, it’s so disheartening

I think it’s also important to point out, if this was adding to your concern, how much you can express is absolutely no indicator of how much milk you are actually producing or what your baby is getting. Loads of mums who breastfeed very easily and successfully can’t get much out with a pump. It’s just not the same as having an actual baby latching on.

My first was like this - never stopped, I couldn't express and was getting mastitis every five minutes (it seemed).

What really helped me was a proper breastfeeding counselor who was able to spend time with me and had experience of feeding (not all midwives/HVs are great on breastfeeding and they lack time).

If you would like to persist with breastfeeding for a bit longer then a counselor can help a lot both with confidence and practical tips. Mine came and sat with me and it was all more relaxed than quick visits to the clinic/midwife. I found once I'd got the hang of it then it became easier than bottles and for the younger DC it just clicked into place. However I never angsted if they had the odd bottle of formula for whatever reason once feeding was established.

Bottom line - if your son is fed and healthy by whatever means then you are a success. Everything else you might want to do is a bonus.

@RidingMyBike , it’s actually really unusual for a mammal not to produce enough milk for their baby, it’s not at all that common. It’s just that mothers panic at the start re weight gain and are encouraged to supplement , also a big lack of education re bf in general, all my babies lost weight and then as described by a pp gained suddenly after cluster feeding days. I’m in Ireland where the fact is bf rates are now so low that we have one of the lowest rates in Europe if not the world and I hear that so often from mothers who gave up early “they weren’t producing enough milk and were encouraged to supplement with formula.
( obvs sickness , malnourished, multiple babies or older mothers aside)
I ebf all my babies op and they totally thrived and put on plenty of weight, when I tried to pump didn’t produce much , pumping just didn’t work for me so pumping is not at all a good indicator of supply.

I only fed formula for the first few days and had to supplement with it for two weeks. It's not a failure. Do what you need to do.

As PP, don’t worry sometimes they just go ravenous for a bit and then suddenly all their clothes are too short!

I have successfully combi fed my DD who is 8.5 months now. What worked for us was cup feeding the formula top ups 3x day until around 5/6 weeks to avoid nipple confusion, then switching to a single bottle of formula late night.
So I would cluster feed 3-8ish then go to sleep until hopefully 12 whilst DH gave the bottle, then swap when she was ready for next feed.

Once cluster feeding days were done with we built the bottle into the bedtime routine, she still breastfeeds to sleep afterwards and for any night wakings.
I can’t express well either so key for us has been avoiding any random extra bottles to confuse my supply

It sounds like you’re doing brilliantly.

I Combi fed both my children. What worked for us was me feeding baby as much as he wanted early evening and then going to bed around 8pm. My husband would give a bottle of formula around 10/11pm then bring baby up to bed, then I’d do the rest of the night waking.

My logic was - by topping up at every feed I’m ‘training’ my boobs that baby needs a small feed. If I do full feeds less often then once I’ve trained them the size of the feed I can increase how often I feed. Possibly crackers but it worked for me and with DC2 I went from doing maybe two breast feeds a day in the early days up to exclusive feeding at 4 months.