Started Putting 12mo Down Awake 2 Months Ago - He Still Cries Every Time. Help!!

[MintGreenLife]

Out of sheer desperation, we started putting our now 12MO down awake a couple of months ago. He is breastfed and used to feed to sleep, but stopped falling asleep with a feed, so we were then rocking him, but he would fight it and fight it and it would take 20-30 mins for him to fall asleep, and he would frequently wake up the moment we put him down, meaning we would start all over again. Things got so bad at one point he was sleeping most of the night in his pram 😖 i tried cosleeping and that didn’t help either!

So now I put him down awake, but after two months he still absolutely screams every time. I’m sat here now listening to him screaming upstairs, and I just can’t stand it! What can I do to help him go to sleep without crying?! Sleep has been a huge challenge for us since day 1, and I just wish I could figure out a way to get him to sleep that’s not hugely stressful for us or him 😭 things seem to be getting worse and worse with how much he’s crying for naps and bedtime. He used to fall asleep in a matter of minutes, but now it’s a good 15 mins and I just feel awful about it. Please help!

So you just let him cry it out every night? I would stop doing that. Go and sit in with him and comfort him.

@MolliciousIntent not exactly. So far most nights he whinges on and off, but the last few days it seems to get worse, and sometimes he ends up crying or screaming. I don’t let it go on for long. Tonight for example, I went back up after 15 mins, fed him and put him down again, and then he was asleep within a few mins and no crying second try. Most of the time it’s protesting more than crying, but tonight he was upset for some reason. We’ve tried being in the room and settling him with shhhing, singing stroking and it just makes him angrier and makes it go on longer. He actively pushes your hand away when you try and pat or stroke. He’s not a cuddly baby, he pushes you away if you try and cuddle him/would never sit and snuggle on your lap etc.

@MolliciousIntent what would you suggest? He still won’t feed to sleep, and we can’t go back to rocking for hours every night and him sleeping less than 1 hour in his cot a night 😖

Sounds like the dreaded 12 month spurt regression to me. We've had a terrible time of it - it lasted about 2 months. It coincided with her learning lots of new skills like walking, pointing, saying first words etc. I always notice her sleep goes terrible if she's leaning a big skill. Could it be similar? I became, for the first time, quite obsessed about nap times and not letting her sleep more than 3 hours over the two naps and no later than 3.15. It seemed to make a small difference. I chose not to leave her crying alone but there was still a lot of crying and pushing away. She usually cuddled in to be fed to sleep in the end though. Best of luck to you, it's a tough one and the constant wake ups are exhausting after finally getting them to sleep!! My only advice is that it will pass eventually no matter what you do, so do what you are comfortable with.

*sleep regression. Sorry 🤦‍♀️ Typos

@Babiesarenotrobots thanks for your reply ☺️ it could very well be, as he pulled himself to stand today for the first time. Once he had done it this morning, he then continued at every opportunity, so that may not be helping! He doesn’t roll, and hasn’t worked out how to get himself into sitting from laying down yet, so I think a lot of it is frustration at being stuck on his back! I’m hoping that once he can move around in his cot and get himself comfortable it might help, but then again it could make things worse I suppose! The thing is I’m totally not comfortable with putting him down awake and leaving the room. Ever since we started two months ago I feel like I’m making a horrible horrible mistake, but also I don’t know what the alternative is as feeding to sleep and rocking to sleep both stopped working 😭 I’m still BF and I just wish he would go to sleep with a feed still, although transferring him has always been a problem even when he was newborn!

@Babiesarenotrobots

I'd just keep going back in to reassure and check, if staying doesn't help. 15min is a long time for a baby, I'd pop in every 2 or 3 for a quick pat and shhhh or similar.

@MolliciousIntent thanks, I could give it a try, in my experience this just frustrates him more and prolongs everything!

Does anyone else have any advice? Is there anyone that’s put their baby down awake and they’ve cried, and figured out how to do it without crying?!

See now this morning he’s gone down fine for his first nap. Fell asleep within a couple of mins and just a little whinging. I am wondering if perhaps he needs to drop down to one nap, as he mostly takes his morning nap fine, and then it’s the afternoon nap and bedtime I have trouble with. Maybe he’s not tired enough for the second nap, and as a result isn’t tired at bedtime either 🤔

I never left my daughter when she was like this - at most, I'd walk out to take a deep breath and then go back in. I always told her I'd be right back. I personally don't really agree with leaving them to cry - my own opinion, and as a result, my own time I spend sitting with her etc. she did eventually want to be picked up and cuddled to sleep. Transferring also, is relatively new for us. We're Co slept until 9 months and contact napped until 11. My only advice is to make sure you give him the opportunity throughout the day to practise the new skill. If you don't practise during the day, their little brains go into overdrive at night time and they can't settle. Other than that, it's to try she's keep an eye on the nap times and seeing what affects the rest of the day. I've no miracle cure unfortunately but I know I dealt with it in a way I'm comfortable with. I do think that's important. Society puts so much pressure on us to have babies in their cots awake and sleeping through but it's just not the norm. The norm, if we were to go back in time, would be to all be cuddled up in our cave together 😊
I follow the ' care it out sleep consultant' on fb. She always has something wise to say.

@Babiesarenotrobots mine won’t sleep in bed with me, believe me I’ve tried. So a floor bed won’t help as that’s just the same thing 🤷🏻‍♀️ and beyond the cot the only thing left is the pram, which isn’t safe for unsupervised sleeping… so I really don’t know what other options I have left?!

I think at 12 months they can have a 'lovey' in the cot. Is that something you have tried? Might be reassuring if it smells like you. Could be separation anxiety at this age.

@Pantheon thanks ☺️ I tried giving him a muslin with it being breathable, he’s had that in with him for a good 6 weeks or so now and pays no attention to it. Today tried putting him down with his Jellycat bashful bunny, which actually stoped him crying when I first put him down. I might try sleeping with it in our bed for a few nights so it smells of us and then try again 🤞🏼

Might be worth a try! My other thought is maybe he is a bit overtired at bedtime. Could see what happens if you put him down 5 or 10 minutes earlier?

@Pantheon Possibly, as I’ve reduced his daytime sleep a bit to encourage him to sleep longer over night, which is working well. He’s tricky as he has never shown any signs of being tired 😖

Sorry, I wasn't suggesting Co sleeping, I was trying to say the m that I'm in the same boat. She used to Co sleep beautifully and now she doesn't at all. She wriggles and kicks soo it's the cot or nothing. I Ed just trying to say that you're not alone but it is a phase - a long one for me - and it does pass. Hang in there

I personally could never do cry it out but know people it's worked for. I would have at his routine and see if he is tired enough/ overtired and play around with timings. We limit day sleep to 2 hours max otherwise it interrupts nighttime, and we also have a long wake window before bed - was about 5 hours at 12months. We went to rocking to sleep after breastfeeding stopped working. If it takes longer than 15mins We stop and try again 15 mins later.

Hmm, unfortunately you’re making me all feel terrible for trying to put him down awake. I’ll keep trying to figure it out. Sleep has been extremely difficult for us from day one and he’s finally sleeping well, I’m just not happy with him crying when he goes to sleep (and disclaimer, it is usually only 5 mins of on/off whinging, so I’m not sure we are doing cry it out like a few of you have said 🤔). Hopefully we will work it out.

OP don't feel awful. My daughter honks her head off for a few mins when put down at night. She's not crying in pain / sadness. If it's just five mins of whinging, I'd not worry about it.

@thelittlestbird thank you 🥲

Mine is nearly 14 months now and sleep went a bit crazy at 12 months (as in waking at 4am every day). It does seem to have been related to all the new skills being learnt and a growth spurt.

The only thing I'm insistent on is no second nap anymore. If he has this, he is awful to put to bed. He fights it no matter how much bf milk I give him. Then there's lots of crying and he reacts the same as yours if I go in to comfort him.

I don't enjoy cry it out but it really was the only thing that worked. I start wind down about 6pm with a sippy cup of milk, bath and bed so that he's in bed by 6.45-7pm. With no second nap, he drops off quickly. Occasionally wakes again but either a cuddle or top up feed sends him off again.

Afternoons can be a little tougher as he is tired but I try and distract with different toys, a walk or a bit of TV while I'm cooking.

Fingers crossed it works for you soon. It is so unbearable hearing them cry.

Hi OP! This sounds tough! You're right to stop feeding to sleep because it's so important for his teeth etc this age. I'm wondering if it's a schedule issue? I know when I sleep trained getting the schedule right was half the battle, a baby who is undertired or overtired is going to struggle to put himself to sleep. Undertired is normally a bigger issue at this age with dropping sleep needs....I know you mentioned he might need to drop a nap. Whats your normal schedule?

Some babies just need to power down for a few minutes before falling asleep. If she was old enough to talk she'd probably be yelling that she doesn't want to go to sleep yet before promptly passing out!