The dreaded tummy time - FTM anxious about 3mo not progressing

[Sunshines89]

Hi ladies,

First time mum looking for some reassurance. DD is 3 months old (born 37+4), she had a couple of surgeries the first day of her life and spent 3 weeks in NICU followed by another week of spending every day in hospital with us going home at night. There was essentially zero development from a physical perspective during the first month of her life as she spent all her time led in an incubator/cot.

Like lots of babies, she HATES tummy time. She’s very small for her age (2nd percentile) but her head is on the 75th percentile. When we try tummy time, she can’t put any weight on her arms at all. We had been doing well in getting her to lift her head (with ‘swimming’ limbs) when being placed on my chest but then she had her 12 week jabs 2 weeks ago and has refused to do it since.

She’s getting good at holding her head up when in supported sitting and when I carry her upright. I’m just really worried about the lack of strength in her arms, her inability to do anything on her front and how I can’t encourage her to develop it. It feels like a completely pointless exercise as all it does is upset her and stress me out as I start to worry over how she’ll ever develop the ability to hold herself up. I’ve tried it all - toys, clapping, calling her name, lying next to her, putting her arms where they’re meant to be and adding pressure to her bum to shift the weight distribution. On the floor, on my lap, feeding pillow, the lot. I really felt like I was getting somewhere then her jabs seem to have put us back at square one.

I worried enough to take her to her GP after her 12 week jabs. She said DD’s motor movements were fine and that for now her head is just a bit too heavy for her body. But couldn’t offer any explanation as to why she’s just stopped doing it, coincidently immediately after having her jabs. I’d hoped she’d build it back up but 2 weeks after her jabs we’re no further forward.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I guess I’m just paranoid there’s something else going on with her that hasn’t been picked up on yet, as all the things that happened in the first month of her life were all without warning. I also don’t know how to build up her upper body strength without tummy time - when she first rolls over, she’s going to face plant the floor and not be able to move 😕

@BruisedSkies that is an interesting school of thought - I keep thinking what will happen when she learns to roll back to front and how upset she’ll get when she inadvertently puts herself into tummy time, but maybe it’ll teach her to cope with it much better!

@Apollonia1 thank you - I’ll keep at it in the ways that seem productive and will need to trust that she’ll figure it out in her own time!

@Sunshines89 Firstly I’m impressed by all your individual replies! Your DD has been through a lot bless her, and I’m sure the head control will come in time. We have had successful treatments with a chiropractor doing cranial work and gentle adjustments, you could try that to get a second opinion? I can recommend a brilliant one if you are anywhere near Surrey?

That's absolutely fine then. If she literally weren't able to hold her own head by 12 weeks (even 8 weeks adjusted) then I'd be a bit worried, but it sounds like she just hates being on her front! Obviously you don't want to leave her lying on her back all the time, but held upright on your chest/shoulder "counts".

Have you tried a rolled up blanket under her armpits? My eldest would tolerate a small amount of tummy time like this.

I've noticed a thing on Instagram recently where people insist that you MUSTN'T let babies go straight to walking, and that crawling is somehow a vital milestone for reading or some such bullshit?? Please, please ignore this. Two of mine crawled, two didn't- you wouldn't be able to pick out who was who 🤣🤣 All absolutely avid readers, the eldest two have passed the 11+ etc.

Neither of mine did tummy time. Eldest because she had reflux and would puke then lie in her vomit, youngest because having a prone baby on the floor around a rampaging two year old wasn’t a good idea.

DD1 is now a bright and well developed 3.5yo, and DD2 is the most physically active 11mo I know. She’s almost at the point of climbing out of her cot.

Honestly, don’t worry about it. You can’t tell which primary age children had tummy time and which didn’t.

Tummy time (along with a load of other 'new fangled' things ) was not heard of with mine (now in their 20s) so I very much doubt it will harm your child not to do it.

@TashieWoo haha it’s because I’m so worried about it, I could talk all day about it! I hadn’t thought about a chiropractor for it, a friend saw one for her kid’s reflux/constipation and swore by it so i might look at the one she went to - we’re Bath based but thank you for the offer of recommendation!

@namechange7654 yep tried the towel/blanket, I’ve got a specific tummy time toy thing too which acts as a support but she just sinks into it.

Thank you for the heads up on the walking/crawling thing! Annoyingly my Instagram is full of baby posts now due to my online searches etc and I have to take all the ‘advice’ posts with a pinch of salt! If I didn’t love cat videos so much I’d come off it all together 😂

OP, please try not to worry and hopefully I can offer some reassurance from the other end of the child growing period.

I have 3 DC and whilst no's 2 and 3 were OK ish on their tummy, neither liked it much. DC1 however couldn't lift his humungous head from the floor when in tummy time, so much so that the health visitor and I were in hysterics at his cute (huge) face when pretty much stuck there on his front. So cute but utterly stranded.
He barely crawled and went straight to walking at a year or so. 20 years later, he's a 6' 4" bloke, still with a rather large head (although in proportion to the rest of his body) and definitely able to keep his head up.

You'll always have the babies who zoom through their physical milestones and it's so worrying when yours doesn't. They do tend to get there in the end though. xxx

@Timeturnerplease thanks for the reassurance, DD is such an active little thing; barely naps but is content despite that, throws her arms and legs around constantly and loves kicking her legs when she’s being spoken to so I feel quietly confident that once she’s able to be on the move she’ll love it. Just need to be patient!

@overitall1 thank you! I’m sure you’re right, it’s just a shame all the health professionals force it down your neck like it’s this huge thing that’ll stop your baby developing if you don’t do it

@LightandMomentary thank you! That’s really reassuring. DD’s head does seem so big when she’s horizontal, her little arms are like noodles in comparison so I’m not surprised she can’t hold them up. Comparatively, other babies her age seem to have such chubby arms and hands I feel like they could probably do hand stands ha! There’s so much to worry about and as soon as I stop thinking about one thing another thing presents itself. Thanks again for posting xxx

Both my babies seemed to have been born with strong necks, and were good at tummy time from quite early on. But they were very slow to crawl and walk! DS1 didn't take his first steps till 16 months and wasn't walking around properly till 19 months - by far the slowest in his NCT and I was despairing of it ever happening!

My point is it doesn't matter. Some things they'll be fast at and some slow at, and they will get there in the end. But appreciate it's hard not to compare with other babies and worry!

Tummy time was not a ‘thing’ when my children were babies!! Never did it and can honestly say they are normal functioning adults …stop worrying 💐

@Sunshines89

I still weaned at 6 months as to be honest she needed the calories to get her strength up so I'd just prop her up by putting an extra cushion down one side of her

At 18 months her head is still on the 95th centile and her body I think is 25th or something as it was mentioned at her paediatrician review (born 34 weeks and in NICU for 3 weeks due to IUGR ) - I have to buy hats for a child in the next size up so that gives you an idea - so at 12 months old she'd be in hats for an 18-24 month size

I found lots of being propped in the high chair helped and supported sitting like others have mentioned just to build strength

Mine are 22 and 14 - I’d never heard of tummy time until I came on here!

I never put them on their tummies - it looks awful to me. Just wait until she rolls over by herself.

Same here. Mine are all in their twenties now and don't appear to have suffered for never having had tummy time.

It sounds like a new fangled gimmick to me. Do it if baby likes it, don't if they don't.

Had my DD in June of very first lockdown. Didn't do any tummy time at all as she hated it and I was overwhelmed with motherhood during a pandemic, with no support. We did do lots of skin to skin and I breastfed so she wasn't laid on her back all day.

Admittedly she was a late walker (walked independently at 20 months) and seemed to skip crawling completely! But she is now 2 and is so confident walking, running and dancing. No harm no foul.

Don't stress. All will turn out right in the end!