The dreaded tummy time - FTM anxious about 3mo not progressing

[Sunshines89]

Hi ladies,

First time mum looking for some reassurance. DD is 3 months old (born 37+4), she had a couple of surgeries the first day of her life and spent 3 weeks in NICU followed by another week of spending every day in hospital with us going home at night. There was essentially zero development from a physical perspective during the first month of her life as she spent all her time led in an incubator/cot.

Like lots of babies, she HATES tummy time. She’s very small for her age (2nd percentile) but her head is on the 75th percentile. When we try tummy time, she can’t put any weight on her arms at all. We had been doing well in getting her to lift her head (with ‘swimming’ limbs) when being placed on my chest but then she had her 12 week jabs 2 weeks ago and has refused to do it since.

She’s getting good at holding her head up when in supported sitting and when I carry her upright. I’m just really worried about the lack of strength in her arms, her inability to do anything on her front and how I can’t encourage her to develop it. It feels like a completely pointless exercise as all it does is upset her and stress me out as I start to worry over how she’ll ever develop the ability to hold herself up. I’ve tried it all - toys, clapping, calling her name, lying next to her, putting her arms where they’re meant to be and adding pressure to her bum to shift the weight distribution. On the floor, on my lap, feeding pillow, the lot. I really felt like I was getting somewhere then her jabs seem to have put us back at square one.

I worried enough to take her to her GP after her 12 week jabs. She said DD’s motor movements were fine and that for now her head is just a bit too heavy for her body. But couldn’t offer any explanation as to why she’s just stopped doing it, coincidently immediately after having her jabs. I’d hoped she’d build it back up but 2 weeks after her jabs we’re no further forward.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I guess I’m just paranoid there’s something else going on with her that hasn’t been picked up on yet, as all the things that happened in the first month of her life were all without warning. I also don’t know how to build up her upper body strength without tummy time - when she first rolls over, she’s going to face plant the floor and not be able to move 😕

I didn't need to read your full post to be able to tell you not to stress.

Holding her, letting her lay on your tummy are all ways of doing tummy time.

She's fine and developing normally. Very few babies like tummy time and you don't need to force it.

Are there adults going around who can't keep their heads up? Don't stress about tummy time.

If there is something actually wrong then that will be apparent in time, but she sounds like a normal baby who doesn't like tummy time, which is not uncommon! DD often just lay there like a sack of potatoes. She is 3 now and totally fine.

My son had/has a massive head. He was on the 9% for weight when born but the 99% for head circumference. He also struggled with the weight of his head and I think it did slow him down a little. But! He's nearly three now and is 100% fine (other than being able to wear adult hats...). His body definitely caught up with his head by about 6/7 months .

I also had a huge headed first born but unlike you I just never bothered to do tummy time. He didn’t sit up til 9/10 months, never crawled (he was a bum shuffler), just went straight to walking at 12 months but now that he’s a normal 4 year old I don’t think about it at all. He was exactly as you describe - no upper body strength. I wouldn’t worry at all

My first hated HATED tummy time and I just didn't really do it after my mum looked at me like I was bonkers as in "why on earth are you doing this to her when she clearly hates it so much?" With my second we didn't bother too much. Happy to report they both survived and both developed perfectly normally. Don't worry. She'll get there in her own time.

I don’t have any advice but just wanted to offer solidarity, my DD is 2 weeks younger than yours I think, and she is a healthy baby (bar the jaundice she developed at birth requiring an extended hospital stay), her head is on the 75th percentile and her body is on the 25th, so she too is a bit out of proportion.

DD doesn’t mind tummy time but I can tell she is a bit behind her peers and she does struggle a bit, it is coming slowly though. As PP have said, I think although it seems very important now, the long term repercussions on development are minimal. An exercise my DD likes is lying on her tummy across my thighs when I’m sitting on the floor with my legs stretched out, so you could try that ☺️

My LO is very similar. He is 4 and half months old, doesnt mind being on his belly but puts no weight on his arms. He lifts head off the floor and arches his back, we have tried putting him on his arms, doing the motion next to him but nothing. He has good head control, can sit up just by holding our hands, roll front to back & now started to like being stood up whilst supported. Worried he wont learn to crawl if he doesnt put weight on his arms but everything else seems okay.

I just keep trying it with him in hope that he will realise what to do soon.

DD was the same.
She has silent reflux and absolutely hated tummy time. She would just cry constantly despite my best efforts.
I would lay her on a blanket and put toys around her and pop her on her tummy. She just screamed and vomited.
It only got worse when she learnt to roll. But she was awkward and went back to front first so would constantly roll and get stuck.
It took FOREVER (or so it felt) to get her to go front to back.
But she did it at around 6 months.
And now she spends ALL day on her front army crawling around the house.

Dont worry about tummy time.
Its over rated. Babies seem to hate it but they get there in the end.
Use a sling and lay baby on your chest.

Mine had severe reflux and tummy time caused great discomfort and a huge amount of vomiting so I gave up with it. Absolutely fine physically and glad I didn’t put either of us through the stress. Upper body strength seemed fine as an angry toddler when she brought down curtains when in a rage. 😁

I got myself into such a tizzy about this when the HV said he should have been able to hold his head up by X amount of time and he couldn’t. I felt such intense guilt that maybe I hadn’t been doing it enough. I’ve had that same comparison sort of jealousy feeling the whole way through at baby classes when another baby younger than him can crawl or walk first. Now he’s a year I’m looking back thinking how much I wish I hadn’t spent my time worrying about something so insignificant. Honestly no one cares when they can do it. Just keep giving lots of chances to practise. I found Emma Hubbard’s videos on YouTube really helpful, just try to relax about it and keep going

She will get there when she gets there. My DD (8months) also hated tummy time (if I got 10 seconds before screaming we were doing well). It took months, but I used a tummy time cushion (it wasn't, but it was shaped similar) and we played with toys on it - she tolerated it...she's just turned 8 months and has started a tummy time obsession rolls eyes ... she's smashing some targets so I've not been worried. Sorry, moral of my story, she'll get there in her own time, keep up the tummy time cuddles and make it fun when she does tolerate it - she will get there.

Some babies do have issues with low muscle tone
Some need physio input
See how she is in a month
And refer to paed physio for assessment and advice on exercises if needed then
Or self refer now if you want specifuc advice given her time in nicu
Ask for community paed physio
Or see one privately
Getting her seen wont harm
And might reasure you
Or give you proper advice

Thank you for the reassurance, I don’t see how any parent has success with it. I think maybe if we were able to do it from day 1 and her NICU stay hadn’t affected her weight so much it might not have been so difficult but it sounds quite common for babies to not enjoy it or do much in that position! She seems fine in every other way, really alert, smiley and active with her limb movements!

@Twizbe thanks for the reassurance, it’s good to know you’re able to dismiss my worries so easily! Can’t help but compare when I see other babies propping themselves up almost instinctively, but every baby I meet who is around the same age as DD is so much bigger and chunkier than her

@Hugasauras sack of potatoes is so right!! It’s so disheartening to watch her not do anything or immediately kick off. I just find it so odd that she stopped doing her head lifts after doing so well for a couple of weeks. The doctor said she’s fine so I know I need to drop it but they said to Carry on encouraging it which is why I’m persisting and continuing to worry!

@mynameiscalypso that’s really good to hear, thank you - I do wonder if she’ll ever catch up with her head as it doesn’t look like she’ll get out of the 2nd percentile for a long time yet. Maybe she’ll be on of those kids that goes straight to walking!

@PizzaPatel thats really good to hear, thank you. For all the other things we’ve had to worry about I can’t believe how much Head space this is taking up for me! She seems strong enough in her arms when I’m trying to cut her nails 😂after everything I just want to enjoy her but I feel like I’m always worrying about something, but I guess that is just motherhood!

@Miriam101 thank you - I have a friend who didn’t ever do it and her baby was the first to crawl out of her NCT group, I have no idea how she built up her upper strength though! She didn’t have any issues like ours though and I can’t help but think if she could just gain a chunk of weight then that would help her hugely. I’m sure she’ll be fine in the long run, you just want them to be able to do all the things ‘every other baby’ can do don’t you

@TashieWoo sorry to hear your little one had jaundice - DD did as well as a result of being nil by mouth for the first 9 days of her life, she’s only just getting rid of it now after her body had to get process out ‘sludge’ in her liver. Thankfully no further treatment or surgery needed but it was another worrying time as they weren’t sure if it was a blocked bile duct for a long time.

I’ve tried all the positions going, the most successful is picking her up and holding her at an angle in the air. As soon as I rest her on any surface at all her head drops. Maybe she’ll just do it properly one day with no warning and that’ll be that! I can hope ha!

Hi there - so my little twin her head was on a much higher percentile - she didn't sit up independently until around 12 months - before that if you sat her in a high chair she'd sort of lean to one side (compared to 9 months for her twin brother) and didn't stand or walk until 18 months - doctors have said it's because her head was too heavy for her up until now really - she's now eating like a horse and physically is catching up very quickly x

@mrscotton im the same in keeping trying in the hope she’ll figure it out suddenly. I’m the type of person to keep trying something even if it isn’t going anywhere or getting better so it goes against my character to just stop something which is hailed as being so important! I just wish I knew why she suddenly stopped holding her head up after her jabs, I would’ve thought she’d gone back to how she was before by now if it was due to the jabs and just feeling run down etc, but it’s like we never made any progress at all even now

Also both my twins hated tummy time

@RedHerring24 how funny she now army crawls everywhere! I wonder how she built up her arm strength in the meantime. Luckily reflux isn’t an issue which is surprising given she had surgery on her oesophagus. Hopefully she’ll just figure it out in time

@Bananasunrise haha!! Little scamp! I’m sure she’ll be fine in the long run but in the meantime I know I’ll carry on worrying that there’s an underlying issue that hasn’t been picked up on yet. New mum anxiety is tough!!

When my older children were born over 40 years ago I don’t think “tummy time “ existed. We occasionally put them on their front but really just waited until they realised they could roll over . They developed just fine . Please don’t worry I am sure your baby will get there at her own pace . They are all different.