The dreaded tummy time - FTM anxious about 3mo not progressing

[Sunshines89]

Hi ladies,

First time mum looking for some reassurance. DD is 3 months old (born 37+4), she had a couple of surgeries the first day of her life and spent 3 weeks in NICU followed by another week of spending every day in hospital with us going home at night. There was essentially zero development from a physical perspective during the first month of her life as she spent all her time led in an incubator/cot.

Like lots of babies, she HATES tummy time. She’s very small for her age (2nd percentile) but her head is on the 75th percentile. When we try tummy time, she can’t put any weight on her arms at all. We had been doing well in getting her to lift her head (with ‘swimming’ limbs) when being placed on my chest but then she had her 12 week jabs 2 weeks ago and has refused to do it since.

She’s getting good at holding her head up when in supported sitting and when I carry her upright. I’m just really worried about the lack of strength in her arms, her inability to do anything on her front and how I can’t encourage her to develop it. It feels like a completely pointless exercise as all it does is upset her and stress me out as I start to worry over how she’ll ever develop the ability to hold herself up. I’ve tried it all - toys, clapping, calling her name, lying next to her, putting her arms where they’re meant to be and adding pressure to her bum to shift the weight distribution. On the floor, on my lap, feeding pillow, the lot. I really felt like I was getting somewhere then her jabs seem to have put us back at square one.

I worried enough to take her to her GP after her 12 week jabs. She said DD’s motor movements were fine and that for now her head is just a bit too heavy for her body. But couldn’t offer any explanation as to why she’s just stopped doing it, coincidently immediately after having her jabs. I’d hoped she’d build it back up but 2 weeks after her jabs we’re no further forward.

Does anyone have any words of wisdom? I guess I’m just paranoid there’s something else going on with her that hasn’t been picked up on yet, as all the things that happened in the first month of her life were all without warning. I also don’t know how to build up her upper body strength without tummy time - when she first rolls over, she’s going to face plant the floor and not be able to move 😕

Both mine didn't crawl until they were 11 months. With my first it was really hard not to compare everything with other babies. They were moving more, sitting sooner, much chunkier (he was and still is a stick) everything. Going through that taught me that every baby is different and everyone is just trying to do their best.

Your baby will develop at their own pace and that is fine.

Made it so much easier with my second, she was a right chunk and just didn't see the point in moving lol.

If you can, look up Bluey baby race. It's a great little episode all about this.

Tummy time isn't the be all and end all. What's she like when held upright on your chest? Does she move her arms and legs like other babies her age?

I have to say, I would be a bit worried if she really has gone backwards in her development. I think I'd be asking to see a different GP.

Sometimes with babies they learn a new skill and it's like they tick if off the list and then forget it. It can happen with loads of milestones. They seem to master it and then not do it again for ages.

@Goodnewsday i haven’t heard of Emma Hubbard, I’ll check her out! I so desperately just want to enjoy her especially with everything that happened when she was born but it’s so hard not to compare and worry that something else might be wrong! She keeps overcoming everything that’s thrown at her so I’m sure she’ll be fine, I just wish I could see some improvement week on week

@Dipsydoodlenoodle thanks for the reassurance - the only thing I can get her to enjoy during tummy time are those dancing vegetables on YouTube, it already pains me that I have to use TV as a tool but whatever works right?! I also use them to help with supported sitting head control which seems to be going quite well at least. A doctor said to basically not count her time in NICU when looking at her age and what milestones she should reach by what age, which has helped in terms of smiling milestones etc but tummy time seems to be something babies either get really early on or not until much later! Hoping she’ll go through a phase of loving it like your little one!

@cestlavielife thanks for the advice - I didn’t realise a physio could help. I keep mentioning it to the HV so if in a month it’s no better I’ll follow it up.

@cantcomplainabouttheweather thats interesting to hear - did that mean you couldn’t wean her until she was 12 months? I’m nervous about weaning too as DD has an increased choking risk due to surgery to her oesophagus and would be amazed if we’re able to start weaning at 6 months anyway as her lack of upper strength makes me think it’ll be ages until shes sitting up unsupported

@sandgrown thank you!! They really shove tummy time down your throat now, so many baby activities are heavily geared towards it. She’ll have a shock when she starts to roll over and she puts herself in tummy time! Maybe that’ll encourage her to push up on her arms haha

@Twizbe i’ll check out bluey baby race, thanks! I think if DD was chunkier I wouldn’t feel as worried but because her weight dropped a lot after her NICU stage I worry it’s all related. But she holds her head up well in my arms and is getting noticeably stronger in that respect. I think I’ll just focus on supported sitting and put tummy time on the back bench!

@namechange7654 shes getting really good at holding her head up when upright, even in the last few days she feels much more solid and stable over my shoulder so that’s something. She’s pretty good at holding it in a supported sitting position too, it’s just when positioned on her front. Moves her limbs like a crazy little thing, really strong legs and equal movements. I think I’ll see how she goes over the next couple of weeks then follow it up with the doctors again - we never see the same one twice so will be easy to get a second opinion!

Please, please don't stress. My little boy was prem, low weight, etc etc. hated tummy time, hated anything other than lying around like a very cute little blob. Didn't walk until 19 months. Barely bothered to crawl. He's now 7, and able to walk, move, monkey bars, make a pigsty of my house, scale my cupboards to steal my junk food stash, fight with his 4 year old sister etc! I worried so much about these things with him, but with my daughter barely gave it a thought as I realised they all get there in the end. Worrying about tummy time now seems such a distant memory as I'm watching him right now attempting to to back flips across the trampoline!!

20 years ago we just put them on play mats on their tummies with some toys when they were old enough to roll. No one got stressed and all our babies somehow managed to keep their heads up.

Don't stress 💐

Oh gosh it's so much nonsense. I think provided you're giving them lots of opportunity to be in different positions, (held, in a sling, in the buggy, on the floor on their back) they develop the muscles. I didn't do it with either of my kids and they were both walking at 9 months. If tummy time would've slowed them down I definitely would have been on board!

I was so so worried that DD wouldn't ever crawl or walk and didn't push up on her hands etc because she hated tummy time. She only ever got tummy time on my chest, and I remember the endless stressing and quizzing other mothers all the time while trying to appear unbothered but it all. DD would just bury her face in the carpet and wail when placed on her tummy.

She is an excellent Walker, jumper and sitter upper now at 2 and a half. She was later than average with the various milestones of sitting and rolling and walking, but still within the expected age ranges. It has had no effect on the skill with which she does those things.

I know what it's like to watch every single thing they do and worry, and the trips to the doctor where they dismiss your feelings.

Many people will tell you that your intuition won't let you down, and whilst I don't disagree. I would say that you need to make sure it's intuition and not just anxiety and fear. Mine was anxiety, it hugely spiked once I had a child and everything worried me. None of it was intuition especially when I was able to rationally think and evaluate.

When I look back I wish I'd known how unnecessary all the worry was, and just enjoyed those moments with her when all she wanted was cuddles and not worried that she wasn't getting tummy time or sitting up etc.

I’m sure she’ll do it all in her own time and looking back you really won’t care when she did what. What made it harder for me was people keep posting on Facebook ‘look, he crawled!’ Etc and they obviously aren’t thinking of anything other than how proud they are of their own child and want to show off what they did but my friend posted about how early her little one walked the other day and I just kind of went 🤦🏼‍♀️ I purposely haven’t posted when he’s done anything because most people on Facebook don’t care, the only ones that do are the ones you’re going to make feel bad or paranoid because their child hasn’t yet! I went to a baby class at one point where everyone shared their news at the start and it was the most show offish thing ever! I used to really worry before it about what I was going to say. I’d imagine it was meant to help you make friends but for me all it did was make me panic that such and such’s baby can crawl and mine can’t 🙄 another thing I’ve realised is awful is random people asking how your child is then when you say how old they are they say ‘is he crawling? Or is he walking? It’s such a horrible question because all you’re going to do is either let that person show off for a bit or make them feel bad that their child can’t do it yet! I will never ask that to anyone now 🙈

My ds had horrendous reflux and would just throw up everywhere and then scream if we tried to do tummy time. It took until he was 6 months till we could finally get him to spend any time on his stomach. He's 9 months now and can sit and is trying to stand up and even sleeps on his stomach now 🤣 when he was younger I did always lay him on my chest while I was sat at an angle or against my legs while they were sloped and tried to get him to do some bit but the pediatrician we seen for his reflux even said its not a huge worry and that most babies develop without doing tummy time.

Please don’t worry about tummy time. Mine couldn’t do it either. Also NICU baby with a big head. I got told by a physio that they have to do it to get strong in their back and be able to hold a pencil. Which is clearly bullshit. There are NO kids who can’t hold a pencil coz they didn’t do tummy time. I stopped doing it when I realised it was very distressing for him. Imagine being put in a position that was so uncomfortable and you couldn’t move at all.

There’s another school of thought that you shouldn’t put kids into positions that they can’t get into themselves. So that they learn how to use their body. I don’t particularly subscribe to that either but it’s useful to know that there’s not just one way of doing things.

My twin's heads were 99 percentile and they hated tummy-time.
I was saying to my sister that I was worried, and she says tummy-time didn't even exist when she had her daughter.
They're now 2.5, with no issues.

So try not to stress, but continue laying your baby on your chest to practise.

@StillMissV your response made me smile! I wish I could see just a split second into the future to know she’ll be fine - I can’t imagine we’ll have another because our experience with DD has been so traumatic but I think I’d be the same as you if we did have a second, once I know she has got through it all fine then I know a second one would too! Everything is such a worry when they’re little

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor thank you - it seems to be another thing to hold over parents, it feels like we have enough to do as it is. Tummy time is completely overshadowing everything she’s already overcome in the 3 short months of her life and I want to cut her some slack but still can’t stop worrying about it!

@SafariPark thats great to hear, so amazing they were both walking at 9 months! I hope she exceeds in other ways as I can’t help but feel like her start in life will hinder her physical milestones for a while yet. But who knows, babies have their own agenda don’t they!

Ds was 8 weeks prem, we didn't do tummy time as I said and he's 6ft3 and manages his head just fine 😉

@zaffa youre completely right, I’m trying so hard to just enjoy her and actually when it’s just us I feel like I can; but as soon as we go to baby groups or meet mums with babies of similar ages I can’t help but start to worry again. My HV has referred me for my perinatal anxiety as it’s been sky high given her start in life. It feels all connected though - I’m anxious over tummy time development because I worry there’s something else they haven’t picked up on as all the initial problems weren’t picked up on scans etc. I’m sure DD will prove me wrong in time!

@Goodnewsday thats such a good point!!! We struggled to conceive for a couple of years and I couldn’t believe how casually people would ask about when we were going to have kids, it was so hurtful. Going through that also made me realise that social media announcements of pregnancies only served to hurt those struggling to conceive and those who you wouldn’t tell face to face just don’t care. Because DD is so small people always ask how ‘new’ she is then look confused when I say 3 months, then I feel like I have to explain her medical history to complete strangers to justify her which is wrong! I wish we could stay in our little family bubble until she starts school really!

@romdowa that is so reassuring, thank you so much ❤️ I wonder if she will suddenly take a liking to it but actually if I get on the floor and lie on my front with her I don’t find it overly comfortable either so I’m not surprised she kicks off. I’m sure in a years time when I’m back at work I’ll regret spending so much of my maternity leave worrying but it’s so hard to not!