Why is my baby so unhappy?

[rnwmum]

Hi I'm just looking for any advice or tips anyone has please.

My 9 month old baby is the most miserable baby I've ever known. She just cries. All. The. Time.
My first baby was not like this, he cried of course but nothing like DD does. I don't know what I'm doing wrong

I'm breastfeeding and offering 3 meals per day, she's always been fussy when breastfeeding, it's never been the calm lovely image you imagine it will be. With solids, she refuses to be spoon fed, will tolerate finger foods for about 3 minutes before crying in her highchair hysterically, so essentially she's not actually eating that much.

She has CMPA but I have been dairy free for 5 months now, also trialled cutting out wheat, egg, soya, oats (one at a time of course) but she was still miserable as sin so I've started slowly reintroducing these now

She slept through the night until 5 months at which point she started waking every 2-3 hours (I don't particularly mind this)

She's possibly teething but calpol doesn't seem to alleviate much, also tried teething gel

Shes clingy as anything, she cries when I leave the room, she cries if I put her down. She loves bath time but screams the minute I get her out. She screams every nappy change / change of clothes. She screams in her jumperoo. She screams getting in the pram or car seat.

The only part of parenting I feel I'm doing ok with is that she will be put to bed at 8-8.30ish and will usually happily settle to sleep for a few hours before her first wake up. She also naps ok most of the time, but wake windows don't seem to be anywhere near what I've read they should be, she seems tired a lot of the time even after a good day of naps.

What's going on, why is my baby so unhappy? 😞 could something be wrong?

Was there any improvement with any of the allergen removals? Have you had her allergy tested? My friend's daughter who has CMPA was also sensitive to soy and egg, so removing one of those at a time wouldn't have helped as much as removing both, but I know that would be tricky with all the food groups.

Ignore wake windows and "shoulds" as these are misleading/mostly made up, but when you say they are not as they should be, what do you mean? Too long/short/inconsistent?

If you feel she is tired all the time it might be worth doing a sleep study or ruling out sleep disorders? Tiredness could cause this grumpiness.

There was an improvement after cutting dairy but still something wasn't right. So one at a time I cut the others out, until I was dairy, soy, wheat, oat and egg free. She was still miserable. So I've started reintroducing, she's no worse so I'm assuming there's no intolerance to those things
No actual testing, after being advised by GP to cut dairy we were referred to and then immediately discharged by dietician, as they had signposted us to an online video and they were too short staffed to actually see us!

She goes probably 2 hours after a nap before she's tired again, sometimes less. If we pass that 2 hour mark she's super overtired

Will look into sleep studies thank you!

Don't know if relevant but another of my worries is she doesn't seem to laugh all that much. She laughs when tickled, but with being silly/pulling faces/peekaboo she does a smile and a kind of 'herrrr' noise rather than an actual giggle. It's difficult to get a proper baby belly laugh out of her. Has anyone else had a baby like this?

Aware that I probably over think every little thing because I'm so desperate for an answer.

Oh my gosh this sounds exactly like my son.

He's almost 10months, he has CMPA and is breastfed. He has 3 meals a day of finger food but most goes on the floor, he will not tolerate being spoon fed. We saw an allergist and dietician, exclusion diet is the gold standard for diagnosing CMPA so there isn't a huge amount more they can do. Though they should give some advice for starting the milk ladder at 1.

Until March he was feeding at 7pm, again at 10pm and sleeping through until 6/7am. He now wakes up every 3 hours for feeds at night (why?!). Also no problem putting him down to bed between 7-8pm.

He constantly cries or whinges. Cries when put down, cries to change his nappy, cries being put in the pram, cries being taken out the pram, cries being put in his highchair, cries being taken out of highchair... I spend most days playing the role of a stepford wife on prozac: calm smile, everything is ok, happy happy, soothe. It doesn't seem to help, I comfort myself that at least my calm demeanor isn't making things worse, even if I feel a bit hopeless.

He is miles better than when I was eating dairy, but he's still pretty sad. I also can't have beef, I can tell that upsets his stomach through my milk, so I've cut that out also. Since cutting out beef he is not longer fussy when breastfeeding, so it could still be something in your diet if she's unhappy while being fed. I say could, maybe not, I don't want to give false hope!

Sending you solidarity hugs 🤗

Watching this thread with interest to see if anyone has been through it and out the other side, or for any tips.

Sorry you're having a tough time too. I have to say it's a relief to know it's not just my baby that's like this. Sometimes it feels like everyone else's baby is 'so content' and just happily coos and giggles all the time whilst mine whinges and cries.

I try to remember it won't be like this forever but sometimes I also feel (perhaps selfishly) that I'm missing out on those lovely first months. It also feels relentless when you're in it doesn't it.

Completely understand and relate to everything you've said! Sending solidarity hugs straight back!

I think it’s just some baby’s temperament. Mine is exactly the same. 4.5 months old and cries at EVERYTHING. Going in the pram then stops as soon as you start moving it, cries again when taking out the pram. Cries most of the time waking up from naps. Cries when put in his bouncy chair, cries when you hold him too long. Cries when you take him out the bath. Cries when he’s in the car seat and the car stops at red lights but stops immediately as soon as the car moves again. Cries if you take too long changing his clothes. Cries if you don’t get a bib on fast enough. It’s exhausting. Especially as he has a very very loud cry. I think it’s just how some babies are and I think it’s their way of saying you’re not doing what I want or you’re not doing what I want fast enough. I had a GP tell me some babies just hate being babies and that’s my little boy. He hates that he can’t get around by himself and is essentially reliant on us to do everything for him 😂. I’m hoping things improve dramatically at each milestone like crawling and then walking and then talking so he’s less frustrated.
my lo also has cmpa but is on neocate and omeprazole for reflux so I don’t think it can be anything from that as the medication and formula should be helping!

Couple of thoughts - could it be bad gas? Babies especially with CMPA can have bad tummies as I'm sure you're aware!! But could it be bad tummy pains? She might need more winding and burping after eating etc, or isn't moving around enough to help digestion. This would also explain the waking in the night etc

In terms of not laughing or crying etc, some babies are just like that and be very very wary of people who suggest it could be some kind of ASD. My neighbour's daughter was a very 'unsociable' baby - never smiled, or laughed. Just stared at you. She was really pressured to get her checked for ASD, which she ignored, and her daughter is now a happy little child (well, teenager now) who has absolutely no signs of ASD. It was just that she was a grumpy baby!

Some babies are just like this, unfortunately. Sometimes improves once they can get around independently then better still once they can speak and communicate more easily. It’s hard going though.

This could have been my DS as a baby, almost word for word. Fussy breastfeeder, refused to be spoon fed, threw finger food, refused bottles and dummies, hated the high chair/car seat/pram/sling. Didn’t really like being held but hated being put down. Screamed murder if I left the room but then didn’t actually seem that bothered when I came back. Never crawled, probably because the limited time he spent on the floor he was flat on his back, screaming. Despised tummy time. Cried and fussed near constantly.…His first year was utter hell on earth to be honest. He too never did a single massive belly laugh.

All I can say is, he grew out of it and actually had a bit of a personality transplant at about 14-15 months, when he learnt to walk and started talking/understanding what we were saying. He actually became a pretty easy toddler and still is now at 2.3. He’s still intense and still gets easily frustrated if he can’t do something…but equally he’s very cheerful, doesn’t really tantrum, I can take him anywhere, he sits nicely in the buggy/car seat and he eats and sleeps beautifully. He sat in a restaurant for an hour at the weekend just absorbing everything and doing some colouring. That would have been unthinkable 1.5 years ago!

I genuinely think to this day he had nothing medically wrong with him (and we went through every conceivable diagnosis)…he just absolutely hated being a baby. He found it overwhelming, frustrating and a massive sensory overload. Learning how to speak to us and how to move around to interact with the world made everything exponentially better. I sincerely hope you both have the same experience x

Oh yes, god forbid the pram or car stops moving 😂 if I see a red traffic light in the distance, I slow right down to try and reach it without actually having to stop just to avoid the crying 😂

Perhaps it is just a temperament/personality thing. She loves crawling and is so keen to stand and tries to let go of our hands so I think she does get frustrated at being a baby too like you say!

Sometimes it just gets so bad, and I'm so drained with it that I think, surely this is not normal, something must be wrong, there must be a reason for this behaviour

She does suffer with bad farts, they don't smell particularly bad but they seem to hurt. I've cycled her legs into oblivion over the past few months trying to get them all out

Thank you this gives me so much hope.

It sounds horrible but sometimes I think she's just going to grow up to be a horrible grumpy miserable person and it makes me really sad.

So happy things got easier for you!

😂😂 yup we do exactly the same at traffic lights. The absolute fear I get when I see that light change from amber to red!
my lo is the same. When he’s on his tummy he pulls at the floor with such sheer determination trying to move and he just can’t bless him and that of course results in screaming and then when I roll him over to comfort he screams some more because I rolled him over when he didn’t want to be 😩.
I remember my colleague, who has 3 children, tell me that her third was like this, constantly crying to the point the older two would ask her to breastfeed all the time just to keep her quiet! She said she knew it wasn’t her parenting as the first two were the most placid, content babies ever. It was just the way her youngest was and if she’d have had her as her first she wouldn’t have had any more.
Nightmare for me as this is my first haha so hopefully will get an easier time next child. Plus I’ve hear difficult babies make much calmer and caring toddlers. Fingers crossed!
I spend every single day trying to think what could be wrong but apart from wind (although we burp him LOADS) I can’t think of a single thing that could actually be upsetting him except for that fact he hates being a baby.

My baby goes through periods where she is the sunniest little angel. And then periods like now where she hates everything and cries all day. At the minute she hates the car seat, hates the pram, hates the high chair, hates the cot. Cries for an hour before going to sleep even at nap time. Doesn't like any of her usual foods. I can't take my 5 year old out even though it's summer holidays because she will scream the ENTIRE time from the moment she's put in the car.

Then, next week she might be as good as gold. She does get ear infections which make her miserable but she doesn't have one at the minute. Wonder weeks reckons she's going through a leap. If she's not out of it soon I might leap out of the window after the next round of hours of crying at bedtime 🤦🏻‍♀️

Plus I’ve hear difficult babies make much calmer and caring toddlers. Fingers crossed!

As per my post, DS (who was a nightmare baby) is a really super toddler now. Determined, engaging and cheerful in spades and nursery have said his grasp of empathy and kindness is very sophisticated for his age. He gives me very little in the way of problems to be honest…which is funny as his first year nearly ended me 😂 He too is my first so I am also praying for an easier ride if there is a next time!

@AliceW89 you give me a lot of hope!
I had also heard like you said that demanding babies grow into empathetic children.
I wonder if it’s to do with the fact their very demanding needs being constantly met as babies means they grow to understand how to be like that themselves with other people and feel secure in their emotions because they know their parent will respond quickly to those needs. Although at this point I respond so quickly because I simply cannot listen to any more screaming 😂 and can’t cope with the embarrassment of having another person look at me with such pity lol.

Oh @AliceW89 I hope this happens with mine. He's 15 months and just seems to hate everything. Unlike some of the other posters tho he has no allergens. He just seems to hate his life, he screams in his high chair, car seat, pram, being picked up, being put down, being dressed, changing his nappy (I have to really psych myself up to it it's that bad). I really really really hope he grows out of it, it's more than I can bear have spent most of the day crying

Isn't it crazy how many of us are going through the same thing yet scrolling my social media can easily make it feel like I'm just doing something wrong and everyone else's baby is happy as Larry.

There should be a baby group for miserable babies!

Hugs to everyone xx

I think if I knew it was going to end at some point and/or wasn't anything serious then is cope but as it is it's just neverending tears (both mine and baby's!) X🌷

@Cluelessmum5 it does help a lot when they learn to talk. Then they just whinge at you constantly. But at least they don't cry as much

With the grumpiness and not staying awake for more than 2 hours I think I would definitely look into sleep related issues, it might be that the sleep she is getting isn't restful which is affecting everything else. This is from Lyndsey Hookway's book and is a list of things to check out if you're concerned that your baby is too sleepy/tired in the daytime. (Hope they come up big enough to read)

It's frustrating that you didn't really get seen by the previous doctor. Don't be afraid to keep asking/pushing, ask to go on a waiting list if you need to.

This is really interesting and useful thanks @BertieBotts

Had you had him checked out by a chiropractor, one who specialises in paediatrics, could help.

Have you considered taking her to see a cranial osteopath? We took DS when he was two months old and struggling with colic and poor sleep. We saw huge improvements. I had a difficult birth resulting in emergency c section and apparently that can cause various tensions in the skull which can manifest in behavioural issues. Might be worth looking into.

I have a toddler who was similar. She really struggled with wind and reflux, as well as CMPI, and that made her so uncomfortable and unhappy.

Things majorly improved with milk free formula but even more so when I had her tongue tie revised using laser. I note a few of you breastfeed, have you considered tongue tie? Can aggravate symptoms of wind and reflux, which impact on sleep. My daughter's tie was so bad it affected her ability to latch a bottle, never mind boob, which she acted like she hated - not sure how much was intolerance and how much was the tie but I switched to bottle only very early on.

The other thing is she didn't get teeth until nearly 1 year old and I think that affected her digestion on solids, so we actually gave gripe water every night until nearly 15 months when she had all her central incisors and a couple of molars. She got put on the milk free formula late so think needed time for belly to heal as well.

But mainly milk free and tongue tie leading to better sleep made my baby much happier and comfortable!

YMMV but just a couple of things to think about before accept as developmental and babies hating being babies🤔I think my daughter just had awful belly ache all the time!

Still lurking on this thread and re reading as things are much the same and it's really starting to drain me 😩

Does anyone know how I can get her checked for tongue tie? Is it just as simple as asking a GP?

Really feeling fed up atm as every day feels like a battle of doing everything quickly before she starts crying again, and even then only the bare minimum can be done. My poor 6 year old needs more of my attention and the house is neglected, but I'm a single mum and starting to feel like I have nothing left to give!