Why is my baby so unhappy?

[rnwmum]

Hi I'm just looking for any advice or tips anyone has please.

My 9 month old baby is the most miserable baby I've ever known. She just cries. All. The. Time.
My first baby was not like this, he cried of course but nothing like DD does. I don't know what I'm doing wrong

I'm breastfeeding and offering 3 meals per day, she's always been fussy when breastfeeding, it's never been the calm lovely image you imagine it will be. With solids, she refuses to be spoon fed, will tolerate finger foods for about 3 minutes before crying in her highchair hysterically, so essentially she's not actually eating that much.

She has CMPA but I have been dairy free for 5 months now, also trialled cutting out wheat, egg, soya, oats (one at a time of course) but she was still miserable as sin so I've started slowly reintroducing these now

She slept through the night until 5 months at which point she started waking every 2-3 hours (I don't particularly mind this)

She's possibly teething but calpol doesn't seem to alleviate much, also tried teething gel

Shes clingy as anything, she cries when I leave the room, she cries if I put her down. She loves bath time but screams the minute I get her out. She screams every nappy change / change of clothes. She screams in her jumperoo. She screams getting in the pram or car seat.

The only part of parenting I feel I'm doing ok with is that she will be put to bed at 8-8.30ish and will usually happily settle to sleep for a few hours before her first wake up. She also naps ok most of the time, but wake windows don't seem to be anywhere near what I've read they should be, she seems tired a lot of the time even after a good day of naps.

What's going on, why is my baby so unhappy? 😞 could something be wrong?

Could it be silent reflux?
Both of mine had reflux and were miserable :(
Sorry you are going through it, it’s not nice when child won’t stop crying :( I hope this ease as they get older!

You could contact health visitor to see if can be referred to local infant feeding team for tongue tie assessment. I'm not sure how much luck you will get with GP, it's not part of their training so may not even know about it as an issue, though might be able to do the referral if your health visitor isn't helpful. Otherwise tongue tie can be done privately but obvs that costs money, probs at least £200. Hope that helps. It's so much to deal with, isn't it?

This was my little boy exactly, I'm not exaggerating when I say if he wasn't asleep he was screaming for the first 6/7 months of his life and then generally miserable after that with a little less screaming (he was also cmpa and had horrific silent reflux and colic). He's two next month and honestly the happiest smiliest little boy you could imagine and he brings me so much joy. We went to some pretty dark places but its all a distant memory now and I've even just had a second (who thankfully seems a breeze in comparison). They do say the harder the baby the easier the toddler and so far it's been right x

I know this is on old thread, but how is your little one now, @rnwmum ? My 4 month old is miserable so much and screams all the time and it's making me so sad :( he's also got cmpa and had a tongue tie which was only snipped at 12 weeks. I see so many other people out with happy, content babies and it makes me feel so alone sometimes :( how did you cope?!

mine improved significantly when i stopped breast feeding and could do lactose free formula.

@LunaBear26 I’m not the OP but posted early on when mine was 4.5 months, has cmpa (still does) that mine was exactly the same. He is now nearly 21 months and SO SO happy!
Don’t get me wrong he is still very intense and needs a lot of entertainment. Always on the go and if anything upsets him or is not done to his liking he will let us know but he is a far cry from the miserable baby he once was.
He started walking at 13 months and that helped tremendously. Now he talks quite a bit too and we understand each other more, it’s a million times easier.
I have people comment how happy he is and how friendly he is and I have to stop myself automatically saying he was a miserable, screaming baby.
I really believe difficult babies make easier toddlers.

@Pizzaandsushi thank you so much for that, it makes me feel like there might be light at the end of the tunnel! I just feel like his first few months have been horrible for him (he was a forceps delivery as well which I think adds to him being unsettled). I've got my fingers crossed that when he can move independently a bit more he'll improve. I just want him to be happy 😥So glad that your little one is happy now!

Hi! I'm the OP

Please hang in there. Similar to PP, my daughter is SUCH a happy toddler.

She is 25 months now. She definitely has sass, and an edge to her temperament.. (knows what she wants, doesn't like being told no, very independent and stubborn - fairly normal toddler behaviours though I think?) but she listens, understands, she talks a bit and uses baby sign language (100% recommend introducing this as it's been amazing), she laughs and smiles and jokes around. She's so much happier.

I really do understand how you feel, when I think back to those hard times I just remember sadness and despair and frustration and it was sooo hard, but I promise you it won't always be this way. It might just take some time. It'll be worth it xxx

She also grew out of her allergies and eats most things without any issues now!

@LunaBear26 @rnwmum

Just to give even more long term perspective, I had a baby who hated being a baby (that was the only rational explanation) and not only was she a great toddler, she’s now the best six year old too. Yes, hard work and challenging as she’s so bright and needs the stimulation, but just a lovely, polite, engaging child. We never had another as she was such a horrible baby who nearly broke us as individuals and as a couple, which part of me regrets now, but our life is mostly easy and content as a tight unit of three.

Maybe I’ll come back in another six years when she’s a pre-teen…!

@rnwmum @eldorado02 thank you so much for this. I don't know whether it's the sleep deprivation, or my general sadness/ emotions right now but that made me cry. I don't want to wish away the time, but I feel so broken at the moment. I'm holding him at the moment asleep knowing I should get up but dreading it.

Thank you for all your encouragement 😊x

Keep going, it does get easier!

4 months was awful for my daughter she had severe silent reflux under treated by the GP and undiagnosed food allergies. Eventually I identified about 12 things she reacted to me eat and by 15 months she had 20 confirmed allergies - confirmed using food diaries and controlled removal and reintroduction of each to see if symptoms return.
Food and symptom diaries are absolutely the most helpful thing we did. We had subtle signs that she was reacting such as being unable to occupy herself or needing to be held and stood up.
She also has severe silent reflux that needed heavy duty meds to control. she's 3 now and still struggles with her reflux although her allergies are under control but no signs of her out growing them yet

@LunaBear26 gosh, what a blast from the past seeing my own response on this thread.

It gets so much better. I have a such a happy little toddler now. The baby stage with CMPA was seriously rough but I'd forgotten so much of it, to the point of thinking about a second!

I'm sorry to hear you're having such a hard time. I really hope it gets better soon x
If you can, try and take some breaks away (even just for a couple of hours) to give yourself a little peace.

When I say a break I mean, away, away. Not in the same house but with someone else caring for him.

I used to give him a feed, hand him to my partner and go and walk round a park and listen to a podcast for an hour. (Obviously not the weather for it now, so maybe a cafe).

On really hard days I found having a break from hearing him crying/whinging, really calmed down my own nervous system.

Hi
bless you, it’s hard isn’t it when so unsettled, both for you and baby.
My youngest, now 10 years old had silent reflux and CMPA. Apparently common together. He did nothing but cry day and night. He did improve once on the right medication - we saw a paediatric consultant.
my son was uncomfortable breast feeding, then moving onto solids, as it increased the acid build up and also was causing acid reflux whilst feeding.
just a thought
but best of luck

Here I am in 2024 and SO thankful for finding this post... I have found this thread after googling for hours!!!

My boy is 6 months old and exactly as some of you described... Just seems SO miserable 😣 all the time!!! He is teething very badly at the moment too...

I've actually had thoughts that I am not fit or desig to be a mother, as I clearly can't keep him happy.

I feel like I am just rushing around trying to keep him calm before he explodes into a crying fit, it is exhausting!!!

I truly hope he grows out of it and there is light at the end of the tunnel xx

@Cassinthelakes I'm not the op but posted about 6 months ago about my DS. My DS is now almost 1 (which is crazy!) and he is so much better now. He is still high maintenance and I still have to hold him a lot (he's going through a must-be-held-by-mum-only phase!) but being able to crawl helped and being able to cruise has been the best so far! There is hope, I promise!

You're not an unfit mum or anything like that! It is sooo draining to have a baby who is sad all the time. But it will get better ❤️