I want another baby. I don't want another baby.....

[Createcomets]

So my son is now nearly 2. We've always wanted two kids and we've started talking about trying for number 2.

But although I want another child. I also don't. I don't like being pregnant (i feel really ill throughout and sick), I had a horrendous birth with my son and we were all in lockdown. My family live 6 hours away and it all felt tough. I coped really well and although I was worried about PND I (thankfully) didn't get it. I love being a Mum and my little boy is amazing.

But also, all that's behind me, and the thought of doing it again is totally exhausting. I just don't know how I'd do it and hold down a part time job (my husband and I run a small business). I've been enjoying working properly again, and going for runs and getting my body back....and I just don't want to give that up again. I know that's really selfish, but it's how I feel.

I guess I just want another child, but I also don't have the energy to do it all again.

Has anyone else felt like this? Any positive stories?

I guess you have to ask yourself...Will you regret not having another child?

OP I feel exactly the same, I wish I already had another who was here and the baby years were behind me.

Hands down do not want to do the sleepless nights, weight gain, career torpedo, dealing with naps and teething, all the equipment and gear. I’m only just getting back to being me! It’s not all negative, I love parts of it. But I do want another so I guess I should probably just get on with it.

I found baby 1 similarly tough going but knew I wanted two so basically just about came up for air after DD1 and then went for DD2 who arrived when DD1 was 2.5.

I LOVE having two. They do fight of course but are great buddies and lovely company for each other. The price was going straight back into the baby phase with one still very little- gruelling few years for sure and I wouldn’t have had a third because I just don’t feel like I’m built for the baby phase. I loved the DC but I did not love the baby phase at all.

But the pay off is now. They are 5 and 7 and life is really very sweet (Most of the time!). It’s been totally worth it for me.

I felt the same OP, wanted the 2nd baby but hate pregnancy and birth! We waited till DD was 5 to go for the 2nd to make things easier as she is so much more independant, cpuldn't imagine 2 under 2 or 3 yo

and I just don't want to give that up again. I know that's really selfish, but it's how I feel.

Having children is not some kind of public service.

In what way is it "selfish" to make the right decision for your life not to have a child?

I’m the same as @RedLemonade
Found the first one quite hard but always wanted them to have a play mate. He will be 3 in September and I’m due Feb.
im a little more aware this time round of needing routine etc. it’ll be tough but I know the younger years are very short compared to a life time of having each other

Well in 3 years’ time you could be out the other end again, with 2 over 2. Or you could be wondering “what if?”. It is very very hard (I am pregnant with number 2 after traumatic birth with first and subsequent PND) but I know I would regret not having a second in the future, and a couple of years will pass with (hopefully) decades to come where I will be glad I had 2….

You had a rubbish time with what you've described lovely! There are no guarantees with the pregnancy or birth but for me the newborn bit has been worse both times. Baby 1 I had an easy pregnancy until pre eclampsia at 38 weeks, terrible birth and awful newborn phase because her dad was very abusive. Baby 2, horrible pregnancy with blood pressure issues from start, easy birth but baby in nicu because of my BP meds, lots of support from partner in newborn phase albeit also a lockdown baby, so two v different experiences but I don't regret either of my girls. I hope you're ok!

This.

I am in the exact same boat OP but the above is what I have told myself, I want DS to have a sibling, we want a second child and are prepared for a very difficult time that will give way to (I hope) many happy years.

You can only do what's right for you.
Please please please don't buy into the whole 'your child needs a sibling' nonsense or 'you might regret not having another'. Sure, but the same can be said if you have 3, and you might regret not having a 4th, or 17th.

There is nothing wrong with putting you first.
I know plenty of happy only children, and I know couples who do regret having more than one. I reckon there are more but don't freely admit it.

It is a decision only you can make, and your reasons for not doing it are always valid.

I'm in the same boat except ds is already 3, I'm getting on in age now and I feel like it's now or never for a second. I don't know what to do. Makes the decision harder being a very happy only child myself! But will I regret not having a second? I think I might 😬

Currently trying for number 2; dreading the point when we actually conceive as I hate being pregnant and all the joys that come with it, the c-section I will have to have and the first year of parenting.
Hate seems a tame term to express how mentally and physically disgusting, degrading and undignified my last pregnancy and year after was.
DN came to live with us around his and DD’s 18 month mark and it was bearable!
I keep telling myself I just have to get to that point again as I do want DD to have a sibling; I just don’t want to deal with the pregnancy and first year!

@Createcomets your entire post is filled with reasons why you don’t want another child. There aren’t any reasons why you want another. It’s fine to stick with one.

Don’t buy into the “my dc needs a sibling.” I like one of my siblings, but I’m not close to the other. DP isn’t really close to his. My SIL isn’t close to hers. I know more people who are either indifferent/dislike their siblings than people who are super close to their siblings.

I would suggest having them close together. You get all the nappies, bottles and sleepless nights out the way and then let them grow up together enjoying the same things 🥰🥰 It's all worth it!!

My DD is 7. I hated being pregnant, I had PTSD from a previous event and it magnified during pregnancy into night terrors. I had a terrible time after birth where I nearly died. Postnatal depression. I went years saying never again.

Now I'm TTC again 7 years later. Sometimes we change our mind over time. I'm better now than I was. I'm in a good place with PTSD. I feel I will regret not trying.

I felt like this! Hated being pregnant and had a traumatic birth with dc1. But I was also approaching 40 so couldnt put another child off forever. I wanted a baby but knew I'd dread the pregnancy and the birth, and the early days are hard! In fact it's all hard! I suffered with severe anxiety after dc1 but I think that could have been down to the birth.
I also knew I would regret not having a second and felt I didn't have alot of time to waste.
So I had dc2, pregnancy was completely different, no sickness, but still, I didn't enjoy the pregnancy... I just don't enjoy it, can't really explain why! I had a c section, and that was fantastic compared to my first birth!
Yes it's hard with two, exhausting, I spend alot of the day counting down until bedtime, but it's also lovely seeing a bond form between them, it's lovely feeling that love twice, and it's lovely knowing that i'm done!!!
Both DC light up my life, they each have their own personalities, but I can't imagine a life without dc2 in it now! I'm so so glad we decided to put ourselves though it a second time.
Op if you want another baby then you will have to put yourself through it at some point, I promise you, it'll be worth it! Young babies and children are hard, but look at the bigger picture, yes the pregnancy and first years will be exhausting, but you won't regret it!

Inlaws had lots of problems with DH birth and afterwards and decided not to go through it again. They bitterly regret it 😕

What is one year of your life vs the rest? 🤷🏻‍♀️

In my experience (and it is just that) I found the second pregnancy way more tiring, and having 2 small children is constantly exhausting.
And I wasn't going into it thinking I was already knackered...
But if you feel you will regret it then there's only really one option .

Thank you so much everyone! I definitely do want another one, and I know I would regret not having one more.

I guess the issue really is feeling so apprehensive about it all. When we're we're trying for our son, I was so excited and thrilled to be pregnant. I lost the first pregnancy at 7 weeks and then we conceived our little boy. I was so ready to become a mum, and just wanted to have my baby here.

Trying for child 2 feels so different. I feel the longing to have another child, but also am terrified of my workload and the stress and pain...and the prospect of loss. I know that's just the gamble we take, but I'm going into trying to conceive child 2 with more of an attitude of "well, now is as good a time as any"....and that just feels wrong.

But maybe that's totally fine and normal 🤷‍♀️

Also....I accidentally fell pregnant on my pill earlier in the year. We were really happy to be having another baby, but then I lost it very very early. So I've had 2 early miscarriages, which I know is not many compared to some people, and I'm very fortunate. But....I definitely think it makes pregnancy more scary. Part of me just doesn't want to have the emotional upheaval again. But I was upset when I lost that pregnancy. And so was my Husband. So I guess I have my answer there.

You state you feel sick throughout as of every pregnancy is the same - they aren't. My 2 were totally different symptom wise as are my 2 dc totally differently. You won't be repeating the exact same experience as will your birth be different and the experience and situation at the time. If you want 2 go for it and don't be out off by how things were before as no guarantee or will be the same. if you don't want 2 then fine to stick with one

Maybe you just need a bigger gap?

I felt similar to you OP when my eldest had just turned 2. I knew I wanted another but I was just exhausted from juggling work and an energetic toddler (who loved nursery but barely seemed to spend any time there as she was always getting ill…) and didn’t know if I could summon the energy to do it again! We waited until she was nearly 3 to start trying, by then I felt emotionally and mentally ready and the age gap has worked well.

How old are you? I was 32 and younger than most of the mums I knew at the time (we were in London) so I felt pretty relaxed about it and like I had time on my side.

Thank you! That's really helpful to know. Perhaps I just need to wait 6 months before trying again. I'm 32 in November so I guess I've got time

I had a horrible birth with DC1, really REALLY tough newborn period, just all of it was hard bloody work until we eventually turned a corner around a year old.

Second child was a world of difference. Totally different character, I had an ELCS due to previous birth trauma (had to really fight for it but did eventually get it) and everything was just so much more relaxed and lovely. I think because having gone through it once I knew that everything was just a phase and it was actually very difficult to break the baby and that creating rods for your own back was bullshit.
My husband left me when I was 8 months pregnant with my second child and it was STILL easier the second time round, just to give perspective! There are 18 months between my children (not entirely planned tbh)

I'm not saying this is how it will go for you of course and only you can decide. But just offering a second baby perspective that a lot of my friends also found to be the case if you're dreading an exact same experience like your first.