I want another baby. I don't want another baby.....

[Createcomets]

So my son is now nearly 2. We've always wanted two kids and we've started talking about trying for number 2.

But although I want another child. I also don't. I don't like being pregnant (i feel really ill throughout and sick), I had a horrendous birth with my son and we were all in lockdown. My family live 6 hours away and it all felt tough. I coped really well and although I was worried about PND I (thankfully) didn't get it. I love being a Mum and my little boy is amazing.

But also, all that's behind me, and the thought of doing it again is totally exhausting. I just don't know how I'd do it and hold down a part time job (my husband and I run a small business). I've been enjoying working properly again, and going for runs and getting my body back....and I just don't want to give that up again. I know that's really selfish, but it's how I feel.

I guess I just want another child, but I also don't have the energy to do it all again.

Has anyone else felt like this? Any positive stories?

It's hard isn't it, I think pregnancy is such a huge worrying time for so many, I spent my pregnancy worried something would go wrong, I also had one early loss a couple of months before falling pregnant with dc2.
I also understand what you mean about feeling as though "now's a good a time as any" with dc2, I think it does feel different second time around, especially if you had a traumatic birth experience first time. Also when you have your first child you don't really know what to expect fully, second time you are more aware of the exhaustion, the birth, and just how hard it can all be, so don't let that stop you.
The love you have for dc2 will be the same though! It'll be worth it once he or she is here!

Well, there's more than one way to do it. I know a lot of people with narrow age gaps where they’re really in the trenches for a couple of years and the childcare bills can be crippling: then suddenly the youngest is starting reception and life seems to have got much easier quite quickly.

Or you can have a bigger gap, like we did. I struggle with pregnancy and had a difficult birth; also had a lot of MH issues linked to pregnancy and birth. We ended up having DC2 rather unexpectedly and had a 4.5 year age gap. I think this way can be easier if your older one is settled in school and a bit more self-sufficient; it can also be harder in that you go back to square 1 with things like sleepless nights, needing a buggy, etc. It also means you don’t pay for two in full-time childcare.

If I may venture to offer unsolicited advice, I would suggest not overthinking it. There are advantages to everything but if you’re clear you want a second - and it sounds like you do - then the question really is whether to crack on with trying now and hopefully have a 3 year age gap (or around that?) or whether to wait another year or two and maybe have a bigger gap. Are there other life things, like promotions or house moves, that you might want to have in place before a pregnancy or baby?

Good luck, whatever you decide. There isn’t a wrong answer here.

I wasn't sure - had horrendous pregnancy (GD) which ended up high risk, and a difficult birth followed by severe PND. I was really miserable the baby year and had zero family support other than my wonderful DH. He was keen to have another, I was much less so. What I did was had a chat with my GP (had to go annually to check I hadn't become diabetic after having GD) about how likely it would be I'd have the same problems again, what could be done to mitigate them (eg a maternal request CS rather than vaginal birth again) and buying in the postnatal support we didn't have first time. I also checked age-wise how late I could realistically leave it.

I'm now that age and DD is an only child. I am very very glad we didn't have a second for many reasons. DD is confident and outgoing and doesn't seem fussed about not having a sibling.

I also don't think children need a sibling. My parents had my brother 18 months after me because they wanted to give me a sibling so that I didn't have to look after them on my own when they were old

Brother and I fought like cat and dog throughout childhood and adolescence. We aren't close now - I speak to him maybe once a year and see him less. We live about 200 miles apart. My Mum still goes on about how lucky I am to have a sibling

The key thing is to think of the child. The world is going downhill very quickly.