Which of these things would you let an almost ten year old do?

[ladyinwaiting99]

Hi! So I'm on holiday with my ds who is 9 and turns 10 in early September.
I'm finding it an interesting age in terms of independence so can you help me gauge if I'm over protective or not please?

On a small, laid-back site with a sensible child about to turn ten would you let them:

Walk to and from the caravan alone (five minutes walk)

Play somewhere whilst you went for a short walk alone.

Go to the bar to buy soft drinks.

Have money and play on an amusement arcade whilst you are in the bar next door.

Go separate ways and meet you at an agreed point in 10 minutes time.

Stay in the caravan alone whilst you went out for 20-30 minutes.

Go swimming on their own.

Any help much appreciated, thanks!

The whole joy of campsites is that kids of that age should be able to run free.

Yes to all.

I mean, I wouldn't go so far as 'Better drowned than duffers if not duffers wont drown', but ya know!

Yes to all, as long as confident swimmer in lifeguarded pool, and as long as the child themselves wants to be left! Children build confidence from being given independence.

What do people saying no think might happen? If you had particular fears, you could talk through different scenarios eg what to do if you are lost, what to do if you fall off the climbing frame etc.

Yea to all except swimming but does depend on how sensible the child is.

Yes to all including the swimming ( but my DS is a very good swimmer ...so that would be competency dependent for me). Ideal opportunity to build some independence.

10 in September, so he’s just finished year 4? I’d say there’s a big difference between end of year 4 and end of year 6. And I never understand people that give their children more freedom on holiday in a strange place than at home.

I’d consider them walking to a shop/bar 5 minutes away as I’d have let them do that at home or something similar.

We tend to just stick together on holiday though. I was always surprised at the amount of primary aged children left to their own devices on holiday, even groups of 5-7 year olds wondering around. It’s not how I would parent and if people call me overprotective, whatever. 🤷🏻‍♀️

My kids are teens now, one an adult and are very independent and sensible so I don’t think I’ve held them back.

And I never understand people that give their children more freedom on holiday in a strange place than at home.

Because there isn't much traffic on a campsite and traffic is the biggie when considering a child's safety.

Yes to all except swimming, go separate ways and alone in the caravan for 30 mins. Does your child want to be left alone in the caravan, swim alone or go off alone? Or is it you wanting to leave your child to swim alone etc?

All but swimming if it felt safe.

With a sensible child, all but the swimming one.

Does your child want to be left alone in the caravan, swim alone or go off alone? Or is it you wanting to leave your child to swim alone etc?

Child sees friends doing it and wants to try partly. (Swimming his dad has allowed previously but I never have because I like swimming anyway so I stuck that one in)
Partly me wondering how I can strike a balance between things I want to do, things we do together and his desire to "hang out" with new found friends.

I've just asked him to show me the way back to the caravan from the park and he got a bit confused, so that's off the list for the time being.

Still doesn’t explain giving them so much freedom to me that they’re wondering around often with no clue where their parent is. Every time we’ve done that sort of holiday, we’ve found lost children crying, kids that have cut their leg and don’t have a clue what to do, not to mention the ones behaving like little shits and causing other people issues.

We started with at home independence in familiar surroundings before doing it on holidays. Another parent offered to take my son on holiday at about this age whilst telling us how the kids were still wondering round the site at 10pm when they were drinking. We refused. Each to their own and our way has worked for us. I wouldn’t be swayed by others either.

Yes to all but swimming. Even if the child was a good swimmer and even if there were lifeguards. I would be more likely to allow it if they were with a group of established friends but probably not with kids they didn’t know well as I would see that situation as having more potential for one of the kids to be separated from the group/left out etc. And definitely no to swimming alone.

We started with at home independence in familiar surroundings before doing it on holidays.

I'd imagine most people do this...

Yes to swimming in leisure pool with lifeguards.

Yes to arcade.

Yes to walking from caravan alone if daylight and going somewhere in particular - Eg to park.

Yes to staying in caravan alone if they had a phone or contact with me.

I would though be checking on them frequently if at park etc.

All but the swimming.. however we were recently in America, and I let my son swim alone ( I was still close by at the pool side). The reason being was there were very cautious life guards watching his every move and they reassured me

Gauging opinions on a forum is fine, but, as in real life, some will be over/ under protective in their response. Everyone thinks their way is the best way! OP, you can only do what feels right for you and your child. It's easier to go against your gut when you see others allowing things you don't.

🤷🏻‍♀️ not sure why you keep quoting me then. Do what you want to do. We’ve already been through this age with both kids. Our way has worked for us, others can do whatever they want.

No to the swimming and no to you leaving the site without your DC. The rest ok, building up slowly if your DC lacks experience.

A 10 year old has a year until secondary school after all (well 2 years for the OPs autumn born DC) and most children travel to secondary school alone.

I have found caravan / holiday parks to be good places for the DC to start to have a little independence, as long as it’s safe from a traffic perspective - as they can walk to the play area and the shop, whereas at home mine couldn’t due to roads. Also lots of people around.

someone needs a calming swim

All but swimming.

Is it not the job of us parents to be protective? Anything can happen in a heartbeat and I personally wouldn’t want to risk it for a 10 minute walk to get some peace and quiet! Nearly 10 is very young in my opinion - would the child know what to do in an emergency? Oh and yes I am very much an over protective parent - and very proud of it!

It's also the job of a parent to encourage independence. I gave my children some age appropriate independence and I'm proud of that too.

All but swimming.