The hardest years

[ExPatHereForAChat]

So I currently have a 2.5 year old and I feel like life is just getting easier now (can reason with him, sleeps through the night, more independent play etc.)
I've started to think a little about life when he's older.
I've seen a few recent posts where parents of teenagers are saying they feel adolescence is the biggest parenting challenge.
Purely for curiosity reasons, I'd love
to hear from parents who have had babies or toddlers and teens AT THE SAME TIME.
Taking away the rose tinted glasses that appear as the years pass... which child is generally easier to parent?
While I can imagine teenage issues are complex and emotive, surely you'd choose that over 2 hours of sleep a night and vomit in your hair?!

No teen issues are so stressful and worrying and you have no control other than dictatorship tactics.

You just have to hope they see sense.

It's beyond any stress of sleepless nights and and vomit.

How about the kids of sleepless night you have when your working again and have a meeting and your teen hasn't come home at 3. And then comes home pissed and vomits all
Over themselves and you and your carpets.

It's a minefield

However when they are being nice it's a joy.

I have two young children, 1 & 3 and as far as I can tell, each stage has different challenges.

Life was a whole new challenge when a second arrived when the first was 2 years and 3 months.

I can see why people would say parenting teenagers is hard. They think they're adults when they're really not, you have to protect them from the world in different ways, social media, the social circle, you want a future for them and they often are not even interested in you when they continue to be the most precious thing in your life. I can already see how I want my babies back when they're teenagers even though it's constant and hard work at the moment.

Teenagers, attitude of toddlers, size of an adult, and such poor judgement its baffling.

It's like God thought of one final trial by fire before theyre launched into adulthood

My incredibly conscientious head screwed on daughter buttered her toast with chilli mayonnaise, because she thought it looked nice and she was bored of jam, the other made a tuna bloody smoothie!! TUNA!! My blender reeks of fish oil!

I live in daily dread that the Darwin effect will kick in, and I was one who rolled my eyes at how teenagers could be.

And like toddlers, they can be an absolute delight!

The thing is, your babies love you unconditionally and they show it constantly. It's in their DNA to want you.

Your teens - well, it's in their DNA to take every opportunity to show you how separate they are from you, and they can't do that very well, so it comes out like they hate you.

2 year old vom followed by a sleepy cuddle and the knowledge that mum can make it all better is much, much easier to deal with than 16 year old vom after a kid has talked to you like shit, broken curfew and slammed every door in the house on the way out.

i super struggled all through early childhood and I do believe that was harder than any teen could ever be. Esp as I had PND and was a LP. some people aren't made for the sleep deprivation and anxiety and chaos of very young kids. (Not to say I don;t think having teens won't be challenging!).

Does MN still do a post of the week round-up? Because tuna smoothie will keep me giggling for a very long time. Och bless them and their gangly limbs and poorly developed front cortex.

15-19 without a doubt. Absolutely awful time and still in the thick of it.

Teens, hands down! If you think the sleepless nights are over, you have another thing coming! All I can say is enjoy the lovely, intervening years.

I think it depends on you as parents. DH and I have fostered teens for ten years. I’m now pregnant and would swap anything for the aches, sickness and tiredness.

Personally I’ve found my kids have got harder as they got older 🤦🏻

2 hours sleep and vomit in the hair are quite simple problems - doesn't stop it from being hard but have simple solutions.

Teen issues - complex, will have you worried out of your mind esp if they're at an age where they think they know it all but are actually quite vulnerable. Plus they're gaining independence and making choices for themselves some of which are questionable and can have dangerous consequences.

Back to the toddler who throws his food on the floor - annoying but to me seems better than stressing about an anxious teen with MH issues, or whether they are ok on the way home from work in the winter etc etc.

Like comparing apples and oranges.

Toddlers are physically demanding and such unreasonable little beings. I mainly just found toddlers exhausting.

Teens worry the life out of you. And you can’t ‘make it all better’ for them. It’s emotionally draining.

Toddler are like puppies. All cuddles adoration poop and slobber but so so physically demanding.

Teens are like adult cats. Mean, do why they want on their terms, aloof and think you are there to serve them
But when they want something your the greatest

I have a five-month old and a twenty-one year old. Both girls. DD1 moved back home when DD2 was newborn.

Whilst DD1 is technically an adult, I'd say in a lot of ways her brain is still like a teenager's (although she is slowly getting more adult-like).

I don't really think you can compare the two stages. The exhaustion and relentlessness of parenting a baby is physically the toughest. I'm sleep-deprived, cranky, my back is killing me from picking up a baby all day long and I crave having time to myself which is virtually impossible.

But then parenting a teenager is so hard too. Their inability to be rational, the worry, the fact that you can't make things better for them and most of all the fact they won't ever listen to advice and think they know best. Plus you can't physically restrain a teenager who's kicking off.

I don't know. It's all a minefield....

I am a foster carer and so is my mate. I care for babies and she cares for teens, we both agree that each other's age group is the hardest and ours is far easier!

I am loving all of these insights so far.

It's so true about your little one loving you unconditionally and, more so than that, actually showing it! I don't think I'll ever be ready for that to stop (even temporarily).

I keep thinking about this, especially as now school is out, there are teenage girls on the bus I take to nursery every day and OH BOY.

It makes me appreciate my two year old SO MUCH. I will never every get sick of being cuddled. The absolute joy on her face when she sees me at pick up. I will take shitty nappies and her tantrums now and be grateful for them.

As a single mum, definitely the toddler years. Lots of bugs and viruses from nursery. Constantly having to take time off work, so lots of stress. Fewer people willing to babysit as ds became more energetic and active.

Financially as well, the nursery years. Everything got a bit easier with school, and became positively enjoyable from about 8 onwards. Now he's 13, life is a doddle. 😊

Major hormones haven't hit yet though. Still have girlfriend and alcohol stages to come !

I found my own teens a doddle, now both over 18. I'd rather have 5 teens over 1 baby.

However, I work with teens in the care system so my skills lie in negotiation and helping teens to self regulate.

I really disliked the baby stages, even though both mine were really easy.

100% this.
I have teenagers AND toddlers, previously had teenagers and babies. There is probably an element of the two together making each seem harder individually if that makes sense, but on the whole although the babies and toddlers are relentless and demanding and exhausting I at least feel like I know what I’m doing with them. The teenagers make me feel like I’m doing a really shitty job, everything I do is wrong and on top of that they act like they hate me and I’m ruining their life most of the time. Plus the emotional rollercoaster every single day. I’d take babies and toddlers several times over.

I’ve had teens and newborns looking at university and buying cots in same week is strange. By far the teenage years are harder they push you away to have space to develop into adults it’s hurtful and draining and emotionally so much worse than the baby stage. I have many a time cuddled my little ones hopefully wishing they stay little forever.

My kids are teens and really easy. I think I’ve got off lightly hearing about others.

I’d say the baby and toddler stage was most difficult due to lack of sleep. And one of my kids was very strong willed, putting it nicely, between 18 months and 3.

I haven't had a toddler and a teen at the same time but my kids are 21, 19 & 16 so I have had at least two teens for 7+ years and its been a breeze compared to having a 5 yr old 3 yr old and a newborn. After that I felt I could survive anything.

My youngest child, a 10 month old, is next to me and here I am wide awake wondering when the eldest is going to come home.

Hands down, baby & toddlers are easiest. The psychology of them is as simple as it’s ever going to get & that’s priceless in itself.

Mostly everything can be fixed with a cuddle when they’re little & outside influence isn’t really a thing. No bullies as school or monitoring internet usage.

I could go on but big DC has just walked in & is texting me about waking them up in the morning.

To me, a baby(even twin babies) are a walk in the park compared to teenagers and young adults.

Should have said youngest is next to me fast asleep!