The hardest years

[ExPatHereForAChat]

So I currently have a 2.5 year old and I feel like life is just getting easier now (can reason with him, sleeps through the night, more independent play etc.)
I've started to think a little about life when he's older.
I've seen a few recent posts where parents of teenagers are saying they feel adolescence is the biggest parenting challenge.
Purely for curiosity reasons, I'd love
to hear from parents who have had babies or toddlers and teens AT THE SAME TIME.
Taking away the rose tinted glasses that appear as the years pass... which child is generally easier to parent?
While I can imagine teenage issues are complex and emotive, surely you'd choose that over 2 hours of sleep a night and vomit in your hair?!

It's almost unanimous, isn't it?!
So many factors I hadn't considered when it comes to teens

I had 2 under 2, now I have a 16 and 17yr old. Much harder and they stress me so much.

we have teen, primary school age and pre school age.
Teens are emotionally hard work and you have to be alert to their emotions and what they aren’t saying and what their behaviour is suggesting. It also takes a different type of patience to a toddler.
For me the first couple of years with a baby is still harder than any other stage but I really struggle with sleep deprivation and the total reliance on you for every tiny thing.

Omg teens def. I have 3 within 3.5 years. Toddlerhood was basically a logistical exercise with lots of sticky cuddles and many bodily fluids.
Now it's an emotional roller coaster. We are currently on holiday in UK. Eldest (18) is missing his girlfriend who is inter railing. In the first few days I got told off for not being friendly enough with her and then too friendly because I sent her too many messages. He is snappy and miserable. Middlest is nearly 17 and just so antisocial. Everything we want to do is wrong. Youngest just 15 is surgically attached to her phone. Or bored.
They have had multiple serious mh issues during the covid pandemic which have yet to fully resolve. Exams (or not) have been hell (ds1 had a levels this summer next year ds2 has a levels and dd gcses). Negotiating the beginning of sex lives is interesting. And most difficult of all is managing my own feelings of sadness that they are all nearly gone...
So yes toddlers are hard. But enjoy the next few years which are def the best (c 4 to 12 are fantastic!)

I've got DC17, DC16 & DC4. Without a doubt absolutely everything is harder with DC4.

I think this is more due to their personality than age though. The older 2 were dream babies & toddlers - slept through from 12 weeks, relatively few tantrums, both quite chilled & generally dud as they were told.

DC4 on the other hand does not. Still not sleeping consistently through the night, including last night 😴, will argue over anything, tantrums if can't have own way, not at all chilled & very high maintenance.l

DC17 & DC16 so far are still pretty chilled with no major dramas. We still have normal family issues such as putting clothes away, tidying up after yourself etc but so far that's all.

Both are fairly sensible and though go out, drink, stay out regularly til about 1am, I always know where they are, can contact them and have had no major vomiting episodes yet. DC17 now drives & has own car but is thankfully a good kid.

Last night DC4 was poorly and woke up at midnight and was crying for DC17, who was out. I phoned DC17, who answered, heard that DC4 was poorly and upset & came home to see DC4.

I think I've been lucky so far with DC17 & 16 and am fully expecting this to change when DC4 is a teenager!!

I have a nearly 1 and 4yo, and a 13yo.

The 4yo is definitely the hardest. But I never found babies or toddlers hard! I always said age 3-5 was hardest and it seems to be hard again.

The younger two are much more physical, can't be left alone for a moment, made ridiculous amounts of mess and can't clean it up without making it worse. Need assistance getting to sleep and you have to fight them over basics like eating and getting dressed.

Teen probably hasn't hit the turbulent bit yet but it's mostly angst, did I do this right, have I run out of time on that, is he really telling me everything about X. Have to deal with teachers and reports etc where I can't directly do anything, just have to talk to him and hope he takes things on board. But if he's been out of order he recognises that and tries to put it right, he can make his own dinner, empties the dishwasher, goes on sleepovers etc!

No personal experience but I was 12 when my baby brother was born. Was constantly told parenting him was easier than me. But he was a very chilled toddler. My DS was a spirited baby/ toddler and didn't really calm down until 6 or 7, teen years haven't too bad. Dd was an angel baby, slept for hours from day one, sunny and affectionate however the teen years OMG. Hormones, booze, boyfriends- slightly better now she is nearly 16.

I think it's the juxtaposition of skills and life experience for me - toddlers and babies don't have any sense which is fine because they can't do anything for themselves anyway and even when they are a toddler they are generally interested in pleasing you. When they are teenagers they can do everything for themselves but you know they are unlikely to get run over or anything like that. They aren't the best at seeing long term consequences yet but they can handle the basics of life, immediately obvious threats etc.

But in between, somewhere towards the end of three, they suddenly realise they can do whatever the fuck they want AND they still have no sense check or impulse control. And they don't seem to give a shiny shit about what you think so they will get an idea in their head and just go and carry it out, however mad it is, even if you say no and try to stop them. Obviously you can tell them off or whatever but it's a bit useless when it's already happened! I find constantly fighting against this the hardest and most terrifying part. DS2 in particular does things like sticking his fingers in a gap that could seriously injure them 😱

Another vote for teens!
At least with babies / toddlers you get the kisses and cuddles!