To feel sad he's going to be an only.

[BeefCarvery]

One 4.5 year old. I'm a single parent. Getting on and have fertility issues. I'm a bit sad he's going to be an only.

Me too.. Spilt with his dad and nearly 39 now plus I had hiddeous pnd so not sure it's a sensible chocie for their wellbeing. Still sad though as I adore my son and I'd like him to have had a sibling.

It is bittersweet for me too, I think there will always be some sadness. However I have to be realistic that as someone with CPTSD and a secondary anxiety disorder who had PND last time and no support network outside of DH it is too big a risk to take. I am focusing on the positives of an only child however. Planning holidays and activities that would be much harder if a younger child had to be accommodated too. DS is also an introvert and values the peace and quiet of our home. He does plenty of activities like beavers, swimming etc but needs his downtime which he always gets. I just hope that he meets someone amazing and if he wants has children himself before DH and I get old so that he has a support network outside of us.

I don't enjoy alot of parenting either. It's hard work.

I'm happy with having just one child, I feel we will be better equipped to help and support her in future, especially given the current climate and some of the challenges the next generation are likely to face. I think one of the worst things in this type of case is comparing yourself to others who you perceive to have things better than you do (in this case more than one child etc), but really I think it is best to try and focus on the positive that you have one lovely child.

I used to feel sad about only having one, but none of the things that I worried about actually materialised.

At 17, DD is thriving and happy. Never lonely. She's confident, has great social skills and an army of great friends. She has a better relationship with us than most of her peers have with their parents. And we have been able to afford opportunities for her that we probably couldn't have done if I hadn't miscarried her only sibling.

It isn't how I planned it, but if I had the opportunity to change it knowing what I know now, I would leave things exactly as they are.

Sounds like life is better just having 1 then. If you had another there would be even more to do that you don't like. (I have an only child because I don't think I could cope with the increased workload of having a second)

I have an only. She has older siblings through her Dad.
It's great. I don't think I would change it now if I could. I did want another but DH didn't.

Not technically on topic but thank you for this. My DD is 3 and DH and I decided to stick with one after I miscarried earlier this year. It's reassuring to know that with the benefit of hindsight you think you made the right decision.

Please don't judge but I don't think I'm equipped for it. I wouldn't be able to cope with a child with heath issues and I need my own time.

It's ok to feel like that, OP. I was 38 when I had DD, with fertility issues - I think I was mostly just glad I'd been able to have her, but 'might have beens' are pretty normal.

But there are lots of positives to having, and being, an only. Mine is now much like the 17yo below except she's 23. She's got a lovely boyfriend, a good social circle, good job, good relationship with us.

In that case I will judge - that you're very sensible to stick with one! Knowing your own capabilities is wisdom, not a weakness.

No judgement beef, far better to recognise what you can offer and not exceed that. Imo children benefit more from happy, healthy parents than siblings. I can’t be sure I would continue to be a happy, healthy parent if I had another so I am not having one.

Does anyone feel a bit crap that they couldn't cope with another?

I'm sure they do. But probably not as crap as those who have another that they can't cope with.

Me!!!

I don't have any words of wisdom but I feel crap about it too

Yes I feel crap about it, beat myself up that I’m not as strong as others. Then I remind myself that I have other battles to fight and am strong in other ways. And actually stopping yourself from doing something you would ideally want but know isn’t the right thing and would affect someone else is strong.

I know from personal experience the damage that is done to a child whose parents regret their existence and I will not risk doing that to a child of mine. I might not regret a second but I’m not willing to take the risk in my particular circumstances.

Sorry I should have said there the damage done to children whose parents regret their existence and make that known to the child, I am aware that their are parents who have regrets but never let their children know.

My DD is 25 and was an only. I just made sure to always have an open house for friends and sleepovers. Christmas was usually spent with family. We would go on holidays with friends. I would be the taxi for her friends if their mothers couldn’t do it easily.

Parenting was so easy when she had a favourite friend over, it’s very easy to find something for two girls of the same age to do. And then she gets invited back and you have a child free day/overnight.

Now she is an adult we have been able to help her financially, she is aware this couldn’t have happened if she’d had siblings.

Finally, she is due to get married, and has said they are planning on only having one. She is a lovely, kind and caring girl.

I'm not sad for my child but for myself and husband who want another. She's fine! I was an only and I'm fine. I enjoyed the time I had playing alone in my room after school. I have great memories of building Lego and playing music, and being independent. We want another but aren't sad for our only at all. She also makes friends easily and plays with other children really well. I don't think she's missing out whatsoever, just us who are missing out.

I have an only (DS 11) and wanted a second but was scared I couldn't cope. DH was adamant that we were only having one and I realised that unless I had the unwavering support of my partner I couldn't do it. I still get a twinge now and again that another child would make me feel whole and content but I've accepted that probably wouldn't be the case. I suffer from some minor health issues and I have to work very hard to keep my mental health from sliding into depression. Another child would have made it so much more difficult to stay well and be a good parent.
When DS was 2 or 3 I really struggled. My worry was that if something happened to us he'd be all alone (no family in UK) but he is growing into a sociable, capable person so I'm reassured that he'd be ok.
It will get better OP. Try to focus on the good things that you have now rather than the perceived things you think that giving your child a sibling would bring.

He's got no cousins either.

My child (well, adult now) is an only and she wouldn’t have it any other way. We often talk about what it would be like if she had siblings and she tells me she would hate it! She has lots of friends but no cousins and has never felt lonely

I am an only child (I'm 39 now). It was just me and my mum. I need you to know that your child will be absolutely fine being an only child. I loved it. I could visit friends whenever I wanted but always had the quiet sanctuary of home to return to. And, when I got home, all of my toys and games were set up exactly as I had left them :)
The very best thing about being an only child is that your mum is only your mum, you don't have to share her with anyone. We are still very close to this day.

I have two young children, very close in age, and, although I love them both beyond measure, I see examples almost daily of how it would be better to have had only one. I mean financially, emotionally, attention-wise; there always seems to be a compromise, nobody ever gets their own way on any issue and that is very, very draining.
I don't feel I cope particularly well with two. But it's impossible to say whether that's just a 'grass is greener' type scenario. I was still finding my feet with my first baby when I fell pregnant again.

I'm the same, I know I would've hated it. I did have cousins but none of them came along until I was older and we are not close at all.

I'd like to reassure you that the hardest bit is over - primary aged kids are great fun and you can start to introduce him to more things you enjoy doing and have fun together. I took my 9 year old ds out for brunch the other day and we had a lovely time, I wouldn't have said that when he was 4! Embrace his friends and his interests and share yours.