Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

i want dd christened, dh doesn't, don't know how we can ressolve this one

29 replies

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 09:38

id really like dd to be christened as its traditional in my family
dh doesnt want her christened

i don't really fancy a baby naming day as personally it feels a bit like a pretend christening to me,but that is only my feelings on the matter.

what maks it worse is dn is being christened on mothers day, my first mothers day and i don't really want to spend my first mothers day with everyone asking me, when or are you are you going to get your dd christened? which is going to make me feel shit as i can't really say to all my aunts and uncles etc well i want to but dh doesn't

OP posts:

morningpaper · 18/01/2008 09:39

why doesn't he want her christened?

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 09:44

he doesn't have a reason just says he doesn't want to

just makes me feel even worse than dn christening is on mothers day and its my first mothers day

OP posts:

morningpaper · 18/01/2008 09:45

well he needs to have a reason really - this is something that is important to you

Have you explained how you feel? Maybe explain YOUR reasons?

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

marialuisa · 18/01/2008 09:46

I was in a similar position and I'm afraid I just steam-rollered it. I come from a practising catholic family though so it wasn't exactly a shock to DH, I even got dispensation when we got married! I feel quite strongly that it is much harder to "opt in" to a faith than to "opt out" so I wanted DD brought up knowing about Catholicism so she could make an informed choice about her beliefs (or lack of) later on.

TigerFeet · 18/01/2008 09:48

would you consider yourself christian? Do you attend church?

It is traditional in my family (Catholic) to have a baptism but it is a religious family. Neither myself or dh are religious at all and dd is the first child on my side fo the family not to be baptised. No-one has commented on it at all, somewhat surprisingly. We feel it would be hypocritical of us to get dd baptised when we have no intention of bringing her up in the Catholic church, or any other church for that matter. Could this be how your dh feels?

If it weren't for the religious side of things I would have liked a christening as family get together to celebrate the new life. We have never had a naming ceremony either, I don't think most of my family would understand what that was all about. It could be an option for you, I don't see it so much as a pretend christening, more a secular one.

OrmIrian · 18/01/2008 09:52

Well if you take a child for baptism you have to take some vows that would sit quite uncomfortably with a non-Christian. Getting married in church is one thing as you are making vows to each other, but as a godparent and parent you are making promises to bring your child up in the Christian faith. And personally as a very lapsed Christian, I couldn't do it. I've been to a few and heard the embarrassed mumbles when it comes to the vows.

I was sad that we didn't have a special day to mark the arrival of my DCs but as we're not Christians a Christening simply wasn't an option.

Is that your DH's position?

MaureenMLove · 18/01/2008 09:55

Is it the whole church aspect of it he doesn't like? We have a roaming vicar round here, who comes to your house. I've been to couple of his 'services' and they're really lovely. He brings a font and all the bits necessary, but he just sets up in your house or garden. Slightly less of a religious feel, but equally as important iyswim!

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 09:57

i consider myself christian and when i was pg with dd, i had a hll of a time and alot of complications, such as bleeding and cramps, high bp, diabetis, hyperemisis and everynight i would pray to god to keep me and my baby safe and at the birth and straight after

and i feel this has helped my and dd through
i dont go to church but it doesnt change the way i feel

whats not hlping is the fact dd and dn only hav a few months betwen them,and its on mothers day

OP posts:

JingleyJen · 18/01/2008 09:59

Dh didn't want the boys christened because he thought that would take future choices away from the boys - what if they want to be hindu when they are 14.

We went and had a great chat together with our vicar and I think Dh realised that there is chance for DS's to learn about other religions and be open minded, the christening is more about the parents choice where as being confirmed is about the child making the choice later in life.

We have now had both boys christened and dh was happy with that decision.

FairyMum · 18/01/2008 10:00

We haven't had any kids of ceremonies for our children, but I just wanted to pop in and say I have been to some wonderful naming ceremonies and they are not at all pretend christenings. I think its natural for people to want to mark and celebrate milestones like when a new child is born. Calling it a "pretend christening" annoys me. I think its more honest than people who all of a sudden rreligious when it suits them or because their family expect it.

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 10:09

im only saying that is how i feel about naming ceremonies
not thats what naming ceremonies are

also i don't think most people in my family would get it or understand what it is, and as i don't really want a naming ceremonie i'd find it difficult to explain to certain seceptical aunts and uncles if it not what i beleive in iyswim?

OP posts:

TigerFeet · 18/01/2008 10:11

JinglyJen's approach sounds good to me if you want the christening. You sound like you have great faith in your beliefs and I would say it is relevant for your dd to be christened. If your dh is really against it could he not take an active role? I had friends years ago that allowed their baby's grandparents to get their baby christened as they had no faith themselves. Seemed a bit odd to me at the time but perhaps it could be a compromise for you? THat way dh wouldn't be making promises that he doesn't believe in but you get your christening. Perhaps you could have a joint christening with dn?

TigerFeet · 18/01/2008 10:15

"sound like you have great faith in your beliefs and I would say it is relevant for your dd to be christened."

God that sounded really pompous didn't it It really wasn't meant to... sorry!

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 10:15

maureen that would be lovely ill ask my vicar about that idea, as i feel that would be more of a comprimise

definatly dont fancy a joint christening

the whole on mothers day thing just makes me feel worse about it someday, i know its only a day but its my first

OP posts:

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 10:17

no it didnt i really appreciate it thankyou

OP posts:

castille · 18/01/2008 10:20

My DH is an ex-Catholic but didn't object to having DS christened (my choice) because our vicar said that DH should only say the vows that he was happy with rather than feel like a prize hypocrite. He also understood that it was important for me, whereas he was just ambivalent about it.

Would not having your son christened upset you more than having him christened would upset your DH? (if you get what I mean!) That could help you decide.

castille · 18/01/2008 10:21

I meant your daughter and her... Sorry

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 10:24

yes thats a good way round to put it castille, ill try that on dh tonight
as if hes not bothered and i am then why can't he just go along with it for me

maybe i should have a chat with the vicar and tell him straight about how i and dh feel?

sounds like quite alot of vicars are quite understanding about these sort of things

OP posts:

bookwormmum · 18/01/2008 10:32

My xdp didn't want my dd christened but then he is Jewish . He didn't object too much when I organised it though. He didn't join in all of the vows but said what he felt comfy with. I don't think his parents were very chuffed though .

marialuisa · 18/01/2008 10:34

Yes, DH stood at the font but didn't say anything. DD's godfather is also one of his best friends so it felt like he had some part in things IYSWIM.

DH seems to have adopted the view that this is something that really matters to me whereas he's not anti-religion, just without any beliefs so he will support any big events bit wouldn't come to an ordinary Sunday mass or anything.

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 10:36

i think it may be as dh can't be bothered with organising it all and im quite happy to do everything,so ill point that out

bookworm sounds as if quite alot of vicars allow you to just say what your comfortable with then

does anyone know what vows are or where i could find them ?
as i could then show thm to dh to see what he thinks ?

OP posts:

bookwormmum · 18/01/2008 10:42

Google your particular Church since Catholic christening vows are probably different to CofE, Methodist etc vows.

FWIW, the vicar who christened my daughter also married my sister to her (lapsed) Catholic husband so I think he was pretty open-minded .

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 10:47

thanks im trying that now

i really wish dn christening wasn't on mothersday

OP posts:

TigerFeet · 18/01/2008 10:52

It is a shame isn't it, being that it is your first one.

I would do the mothers day thing on the Saturday before - make that your special day

Original poster

spottyzebra · 18/01/2008 10:58

me and dh were planing on going away for a weekend or going out for lunch all three of us on mothers day. havent booked anything though so we dont have to cancel anything

OP posts:

Flip

1 2