AIBU Partners child stressing out my nursing kitten.

[Godsakesss]

My cat has 3, 2 week old baby’s and she is incredibly protective over them. She is in a secure room and I don’t want anyone unfamiliar around them until they are older. When they was 1 week old he (7 years) stormed into the living room and was stamping all over the place and tried picking up the kittens. My partner just stood there and didn’t say anything so I said “it’s time to go for a walk now guys”. Now he is coming over Sunday and my partner said “he can hold one of the kittens” to which I replied no, they are still very delicate and mum is stressed out enough as is. He acted as though I was being horrible but I’m protecting my cat and her kittens from more stress. He seems to be more concerned with pleasing his son than actually teaching him that he can’t always have his way. Just for a bit of context when she was pregnant he was chasing her around the house and shuvving crisp packets in her face and trying to use a foam roller on her stomach so she doesn’t like him at all but yet my boyfriend thinks I’m being unreasonable for saying I don’t want him around the kittens (if at all) until they are older.

Bullshit no vet would fix a cat until at least 5-6 weeks after the kittens are weaned. Why are you lying,

A child ALWAYS comes before anything else 🤦‍♀️

But the problem here is NOT the child !!! It’s the adults. The child and the cat both deserve better !!!!! Child could be guided and encouraged to behave appropriately around the cat and the adults involved could ensure a quiet area for the cat and to engage with and prevent 7 y o from disturbing her but it sounds like one partner favours the cat and the other their dc and it’s a power battle when with just a little effort the problem could be resolved

I would be ending this relationship faster than you could turn around. A poorly behaved child and a useless father. No thanks.

OP could you get an age appropriate book about kittens for him? Maybe go to a pet shop together to pick some toys for when kittens are older and do a chart to tick off days till the kittens are at the age they can play with the toys ? Have a chat on way there or back about needing to give the cats space and quiet ?

I don't understand why you aren't teaching the child how to treat animals

No they don’t. If that were the case they would come first in restaurants, first in hospitals, first in queues.

A child has their place in society and will learn as they grow

He’s a Disney Dad.

If you still want to meet up, do it away from the house.

If you stay in this relationship, you will likely see plenty more examples of this “Disney Parenting” behaviour in the future. Carefully consider this as it could cause real problems should you ever move in together.

Why is it the OPs job when the child's parent is there?

That's the parent's job.

Sorry I should have clarified - within a relationship/family

Not even in a family do they have to come first. It always depends on the situation.

In this situation, the father is refusing to parent his 7 year old son. The OP, shouldn’t have to. It’s not her child.

in this situation I feel that the child should come first and needs guidance in how to behave round the cat. That should be the priority - the poor child sounds like he’s viewed as an inconvenience to both of them

But if you’re in a relationship with someone with a child you have to accept some responsibility surely ? If the dp has to have responsibilities and compassion towards OPs cat then surely OP has to reciprocate towards her dp child ?

You took her away from her kittens to have her fixed before they were two weeks old . Now that's cruel

Are the cat and kittens in a secure room or in the living room?? You can't expect to keep the child out of the sitting room. Put the cat and kittens in your bedroom or elsewhere. He sounds pretty ineffectual as a parent though, is this really someone you want to be with longterm?

There's no way a cat with 2 week old kittens is spayed now 🙄 No vet would do that

That’s how you feel.

I personally feel this kid is a brat and needs to learn the word no. Swings and roundabouts

I thought that but then thought what if the mother needed an emergency c-section. They may spay whilst doing that

No decent U.K. shelter lets the pregnant queen go to a new home. Foster care maybe.

I have never known a shelter allow a cat to be adopted that wasn’t spayed!

Any child that behaved like that would be permanently banned from setting foot in my house. Any partner that objected would be getting the elbow too.

Most 7 year olds are very receptive to positive interactions it really wouldn’t take much effort to explain how to behave around the cats and to improve general behaviour rather than just banning a child from the house

To be honest regardless of the relationship with dad. You allowed to set boundaries in your own home and it's fairly misogynistic to blame the op for not teaching a child who at his age should know better not to be rough with animals.

Dad should have taught this lesson a long time ago, the fact he's watching and allowing his son to do this and saying it's not a big deal, should really show posters he's not up for teaching that lesson.

Run.

Also why is it this behaviour that wouldn't be acceptable behaviour in a nuclear family by the majority of MN, that when it comes to step families everyone seems to think that a child should be able to do this and it's ok and poor child ?

This is at its heart though a DP problem. Kids behave like this when the parents refuse to parent. All of which the op is not a parent or a step parent.

Just meet them away from your home. Tell them your dcat needs peace and quiet.
And mean it

@Soubriquet he does sound like a brat l agree.

The children come first thing rarely ends well.