Partner unhappy with me

[MissMadEyeMoody]

Hi, just looking for some help

So, I have 3 DC. 6, 3 and 7 weeks.
DC1+2 go to school/nursery while I'm home with DC3 and I'm EBF

The problem is that I'm finding it hard to keep on top of the household chores. There are always dishes in the sink, laundry basket never seems to empty, clean washing lives on chair until I get around to putting it away and there are toys and books all over the place.
DP works 8-5 Mon-Fri. He has now told me that he has been unhappy the last few weeks with the lack of tidiness I've done around the house, he comes home and complains that there is always something for him to do so he can't sit down and relax. He says he can't continue like this.
I've been trying my hardest, but I really am struggling, baby is never happy to be put down, and on the rare occasion he will lie on his mat for 5 minutes, I'll pop to the loo or grab something to eat/drink

Any suggestions on what to do?

Has he always been a dick?

Dear lord you're look after a 7 week old! Of course there are things to do.

Suggest that at the weekend you swap roles with your partner and you be 'unavailable' from 8-5 (apart from feeds) and see how he can look after little while doing the household chores. He obvs will not be able to eat or go to the loo in the time you are breastfeeding (to make it more realistic). 😉

Tell him to get stuffed.

This.
FFS. You have 3 little children!
He doesn't get just to come home and relax anymore. He gets to come home, help look after his 3 kids and ragged partner and then maybe there's time for you both to relax.

Do you normally work and are on mat leave or are you a SAHP?

I only say because if you are usually out at work then he is being ridiculous to think you're priority nw should be anything other than baby. Why isn't he washing or doing dishes etc? If you are usually a SAHP, then my answer is still the same but you may have to remind him your role has now changed, if he is used to you being home all the time anyway anfd keeping on top of house stuff.

What did he say when you discussed how things would change once baby was here and how he would obviously have to be doing more?

Tell him he is being completely unreasonable - you are dealing with 3 children and if he wishes to see what it is like you will leave him some expressed milk in a bottle and go out all day and see what is done

That you being at home with the children doesnt mean he gets to avoid all chores

You can tell your 'D'P he has 3 choices -

1. he can put up with things the way they are until the last child is 18 and has left home
2. he can roll up his sleeves and sort out the washing up, put a load of washing on, cook the kids dinner, do the kids bedtime routine and then pour you a glass of something cool whilst he preps the dinner
3. he can fuck off

You are raising 3 small children, one of whom is a babe in arms. His responsibilities towards his children didn't finish on his ejaculation. Small children make a lot of mess - always seems to me that's their prime role in life.

What you do not do, is behave as a slave and have the house spotless for when the master comes home - as I say you have small children and they make mess. The early years are hard work and it does feel as if you're constantly on the go - that's because you are. But you both have to step up to make the home work. It isn't just about the man making the money out and work and the little woman at home, making everything neat and tidy. If that's where his head is at, it's definitively in the wrong place / century

This is one of the reasons I started to hate my ex.

We had kids and suddenly he seemed to begrudge not having the spare time to relax he used to. And seemed to resent me for it. What the fuck did he expect? He was the one who wanted kids more than I did too!

When the fuck do you get to relax OP.

Ridiculous

You’re winding us up. I’m not biting

Honestly, you're a miracle worker if it's taken a third child for him to start complaining! My standards plummeted as soon as my first was born.

What he's missing is that your fulltime job is the children, especially while they're so young. Juggling those ages is incredibly demanding. So, you both have fulltime jobs, and the housework needs to be shared between the two of you. There'll be time for sitting down and relaxing when they're older!

was He like this when the other 2 were newborn?

What to do?
'I also can't continue like this. You don't pull your weight. We chose to have 3 young children, so yes, life is hard. I would also like to sit down and relax but you may have noticed that I don't. We will need to get through all the chores and bedtimes together so that we have equal downtime.'

So to answer a few questions, I'm on mat leave, usually work part time and he wasn't like this as much with the other two.

He just sees what I'm doing as taking kids to school, then coming home, relaxing on sofa with the baby and just waiting for him to come home and tidy up.

I have been getting up slightly earlier in the mornings while all 3 are asleep to try catch up on some chores but it just seems never ending

What unbelievably unimpressive job does he adequately perforM between 8-5?

id tell him to get to fuck and do some housework to contribute to the house he lives in - and then fuck off some more

I've just left my ex who was like this
And I am buzzing to be able to actually rest and not be spoken to like I am a child or unpaid maid
Who gives a fuck if there are a few toys around.. I certainly don't

You need to get a full time job and then everything else is 50/50
Including night wakings, school run, every nappy change..
Which won't happen because he sounds like a misogynistic prick and you'll end up leaving the bastard anyway

Good luck op

Depends on how messy the house is I suppose? Different people have different standards and what I might think is messy is probably tidy to someone else - and what my DH thinks is tidy is definitely not my definition of tidy but yeah with 2 at childcare and just a newborn a home I wouldn't expect the house to be total shit tip - I hear you on the washing and ironing for a family of 5 though - it's never ending and does end up in piles to be put away. And if he contributes to the mess without lifting a finger to at least pick up after himself then yes he's being a dick

@cantcomplainabouttheweather fuck me she’s not his servant.

he works 8-5. Which I think is an entirely manageable work load that would also allow you to fully run a house at the same time.

If (when?) he is living in his own, he won’t be able to just relax coming back home. He will have do his washing, put it away, do the cooking etc…. Has he actually thought about that?

You know what, DH has higher standards than me.
He was for ever grumpy about the toys lying around etc… (and I only have two dcs, not 3!).

That is until

• I worked at the weekend for 3 years and he had to do all the cooking/tidying AND looking after the dcs. He stopped complaining about the toys because he realised that it wasn’t as easy as it looks. And they weren’t even babies at that stage!


• then I got a chronic illness that severely limits what I can do so he is now doing all the housework. And again, you know what… his standards have gone down. Because again, when you have a family, having high standards isn’t as straight forward than when you are single and living in your own.

I’m finding that men complaining about mess in the house are usually those who 1- expect their dw to do it all and don’t want to lift a finger (see the ‘I can’t relax when I come back home’ sniff sniff)
2- have never actually done it themselves and have no idea how much work is involved in looking after 3 dcs.

and that’s Wo talking about the fact the OP is only 7 weeks post partum.

When S1 was a baby H walked in from work one day and - before saying a word of greeting - exclaimed "oh, you haven't even washed up!"

I said nothing. I handed him the small child, walked into the kitchen and washed up.

He's never complained since

When he gets in, don't ask/get/expect him to do any housework. Hand him the baby, and start Doing Household Tasks.

Stop procreating with this dinosaur

Tell him to take a week off work to show you how it should be done.

or take a short cut and tell the cunt to fuck off!!

Do NOT buy into his bullshit, you're doing loads.

Have you told Him that your unhappy??

It's all well and good about his needs what about yours?

I was lucky my partner was good but there is plenty who are not.
Maybe ask him to help rather than you just do it
I'll wash up You dry(his hand are dry he deals with baby)
Things like that try and share the role and if not I'm afraid you might end up having a choice to make

he comes home and complains that there is always something for him to do so he can't sit down and relax

But there should be stuff for him to do - he should be doing 50% when at home.