Bewildered at parenting snubbing.

[Bunbuns3]

I have a 4 year old dd that has been going to nursery for just over a year now. In that time she has made three very close friends. Normally after nursery pick up if the weather is nice, we all go to a small park that is directly opposite the nursery, so the children can run a round, share snacks and have fun.
We have kept this arrangement fairly casual, and if we don't happen to bump into each other at the gates, it is no biggy and we would all just see each other another day. We have on occasion done some pre arranged activities such as going to the museum, which again is extremely close to the nursery, but mostly my encounters with the other mothers have been very polite and cordial, and not crossing over the boundary of intense friendship.
I assumed this arrangement suited us all, and although I would never call the other mothers friends as such I did think that we all got on and liked each other.
A few months ago one of the other mothers decided her daughter should not have any snacks after nursery. This was not discussed in advance, and the first we knew of it was when I handed her little girl a Kinder milk slice, and her mother snatched it out of her hand and put it in her bag. I thought this was a little out of character and just dismissed it as an off day, but it was awkward with the other three little girls happily munching away and her daughter looking on with a very puzzled look on her face. I would say this happened on and off another three times, the other mums would give a bag of crisps or a sweet and again it would happen with the snatching and the snack being put in this mother's handbag, while all the other children ate happily with this little girl looking very sad.
After a while myself and the other mothers brought less and less food. We always did bring fruit as well, but it got to the point we just did not bring anything because it was clearly upsetting this particular mother, and it was awkward with her poor dd.
I thought that everything was ok after that, until one of the other mothers mentioned a dance class that was starting near the nursery, and would we all like to go and see what it was like? They offered 1 free trial class, before signing up. I thought that sounded good, so I said yes I would be interested in trying it out as I knew my dd would really enjoy a class.

Well anti snack mum erupted into a rant that 4 year olds did not need dance classes and it was against her beliefs to do such a thing because it would be pointless. The mother that suggested the class mentioned it would be fun, well that was another red rag, because fun should not come into it when learning something new said she.
Nothing else was said and we respected her choice but the rest of us did do the free trial and we were all quite impressed so we did sign up to the class, 1 hour a week and we have been going for about 5 weeks.
Since then the mother that did not want to join us has been acting even stranger. She has been picking her daughter up earlier from nursery so she would just miss us, or if she did happen to see us, she would march her dd away in the opposite direction. I don't mind being treated like a leper if I was a really nasty person and had done something wrong, but it just seems to me this whole situation has got way out of hand. It is the children I feel bad for and unfortunately after the summer I have another year of this to look forward to. I just can't believe a grown woman can act so unhinged over something so small. I am just not sure how to handle this very weird situation?
I may add if it helps none of my dds friends mothers are originally from the UK so not sure if I am missing something culture about this whole sorry situation, although the mother that is acting strange is from a different country to the other parents.
I find myself thinking about this situation way longer than I should, and at times just feel helpless and sad. Looking forward to hearing some honest opinions on this because I am clueless as to how to proceed.

Yup

This little girl is very obedient and well behaved, and is told not to express herself vocally, so you have to rely on facial expressions.
Her Mum used to bring a big bag of Millions sweets. She used to give one miniscule sweet to each child at each meeting. The rest of us just used to share what we had and never thought anything of it. That bag of Millions was in her bag for at least 6 months. Looking back it was kind of strange, but as I said I am the only UK born mother in the group and I was not sure if this was cultural or not so I never questioned it at the time.

She’s skint and can’t join in. She can’t afford snacks and dance classes.

although to be fair I’m also distracted by the poster all getting their arse in their hands about the junk food 😂

Just let it go - she isn't in step with the rest of you about snacks and classes, and it's not even awkward because she's avoiding you. You haven't fallen out with the other two, so you can just continue as before - no need to ruminate.

My dd is naturally missing her friend

She sees her for hours in nursery and she will soon understand that this friend doesn't come to the park. You don't need to explain further to a 4 year old.

I would love to hear her side this because she sounds absolutely deranged by your telling of it.

This little girl is very obedient and well behaved, and is told not to express herself vocally, so you have to rely on facial expressions

so now you’re saying the mum is abusive? Report her then rather than trying to be pally

Her Mum used to bring a big bag of Millions sweets. She used to give one miniscule sweet to each child at each meeting. Looking back it was kind of strange, but as I said I am the only UK born mother in the group and I was not sure if this was cultural or not so I never questioned it at the time.

ah yes. That explains it. There are some cultures where they only give one million sweet at a time. Not in the superior UK though op - so you’re definitely not strange!!

you are sounding really strange…

You need to let it go. As I said upthread, mum friends will come and go for various reasons. It doesn't even sound like you like this lady and your daughter still sees her friend at nursery so I genuinely don't see the issue?

The thread didn't go your way so now she's abusive and you're in a huff with posters. OK.

Could it have been over Ramadan she didn't want her DC to eat. Similarly I wouldn't imagine ballet is a thing in an Islamic religion as you would be showing woff your body and so probably not modest. I don't know her religion but it sounds like she's having trouble with adjusting to western values and morals. Nothing for you to take personally. Her husband could be policing her from a distance. Who knows.

I’m not sure it’s a cultural thing? I’m from the UK and would be a bit annoyed at someone offering my young child sweets/crisps without asking first (unless a very good friend/family member who knew it was ok).

That said, I wouldn’t blank someone for it. A polite ‘oh, no thank you’ would do.

It’s a shame for your daughter but I would try and forget about them. You can’t make her want to socialise with your group. Just concentrate on the other mums who you are clicking better with.

Don’t worry about it. I have 3 children, 2 have now completed primary school. I can count on one hand the number of mum friends I’m on first-name friendliness with for various reasons. The one moving up this year will knowingly be in the same year as one child they were in nursery with. I’m sure there are others, but they didn’t keep in touch and will definitely have forgotten each other. There’s a LOT more of this to come, buckle up tightly! :)

The girl is four! I’ve never known any Muslims forcing a four year old to fast.

What kind of dance class was it? I remember going to watch DN in a dance show when she was about 6 and being horrified at how sexualised some of the moves were. I'd be very wary of any street, pop etc type dance classes for my girls as a result. I know you're not happy about the remarks on the food but I think they have a point - on a rare playdate with a friend we don't see often I wouldn't police at all, but for a more regular arrangement I'd be giving fruit and lower sugar stuff.

Ultimately, it doesn't matter - she doesn't want to be in the gang any more, but you have others to chat with, there are other DC to play with and your DD will see hers all day at nursery. It's all good.

Yes. OP, you've just written a weirdly over-the-top sarcastic response to posters who have implied nothing of the sort, and who have given pleasant and helpful responses. If you're this reactive in real life, taking things the wrong way, perhaps this has something to do with the other mother's decision to break off from you?

This. I can’t be fucked with huffy over-reactors and tend to avoid. The kids can still play together at nursery.

I’ve got 4 much older kids and I’ve always distanced myself from over-snackers because I don’t like over indulgence in uhp high sugar, high fat food and I don’t think it’s a good thing to encourage four year olds in. An ice cream at the beach or popcorn during a film in one thing. Snacking as an activity in itself as a daily after nursery thing is another. The snackers are always “one small bar” or “a tiny packet of haribo” but my actual experience is some woman turning up with a Mary Poppins carpet bag and dragging endless bags of crisps and brioche and kinder bars out of it while the kids whine around her getting fractious instead of playing on the swings. It’s boring. Even the woman at the dog park who stands there scatter feeding every Fido, Rover and Alan pisses me off. I take my dog there to play, not sit on his arse trying to look starved and neglected. Yes I am fun.

Uh? Until this post I thought the other woman was just a little odd and didn't want to socialise with you.
Now i am not so sure. You all sound incredibly hard work.

Update!!!!!!!

Just back from the park. Everyone was there today and one of the mothers came right out and asked snack mum if there was anything bothering her, because even though we were there with diddly squat snacks she still looked angry.

Her response was she was fine, but she was just on her period!