What does "please" mean (in one sentence)?

[johnd2]

Ok so bizarre sounding question and it might be triggering for some so sorry in advance. And I hope this thread is entertaining!

So we have a toddler and I want to avoid having things that you have to do "just because" otherwise how can he decide whether or not to do it?. I feel like it's important for him to understand the implications of saying please or not saying please from a neutral and non judgemental point of view.
Of course I was brought up with always say please with the subtext that otherwise you're a bad person. So that can cloud my reactions a bit.
So onto the real question, if my son asks for something without saying please, how do I suggest to say please without being judgemental or launching into a ridiculous discussion? Or do I just say nothing, and simply model it myself?

As a comparison, regarding sorry I just say "if it was an accident you can say sorry" and regarding thank you I say "if you like it you can say thank you". But please is a bit more tricky.

Looking forward to your replies 😅

I've never done all this with my 3. I just say please, thank you and sorry to them and speak to them nicely and they've all got beautiful manners, my 3 year old in particular people are always commenting on how polite she is. I've never seen it as something that needs to be explicitly taught, more just modelled.

This approach absolutely failed with DS. I smugly thought he would pick up a lot of things without being explicitly taught. However it turns out he needs every single thing spelled out repeatedly, slowly and in a very clear voice. Many children are like that, regardless how nicely their parents speak to them.

“I am asking you, not ordering you “

But I think people who don’t say please generally are ‘bad people’ unless there’s a reason for it. I don’t want to hang around people with no manners!

Thanks all, lots of really helpful and well considered responses here, some I disagree with but still helpful. I can't easily reply to all of them on my phone but I think it helped me thinking.
For the avoidance of doubt I like to use those words as appropriate, but I want to explain to him why to use it without being judgemental eg implication that he is a bad person or a rude person

I just model it.
So Ds says "can I have a drink?"
I say "can I have a drink please mummy?" While getting him the drink.
He often says either "please" or repeats the whole thing. Sometimes he doesn't, he still gets his drink.
He had his first settling session at school yesterday and the teacher said "he has beautiful manners!" So it must be working to some degree.

Can't remember my toddler age.

But with ds (now 17!) since about 9 I say "am I likely to do,it when you asked like that?"

That always worked well because I wasn't making him on rash things a certain way but making it clear people will respond to a certain say more positively.