I fucking hate feeding my baby. Feeling like the worst mother.

[Wonderingmum77]

I hate feeding my baby. Genuinely every time it gets near that 4 hour mark I begin to dread knowing what’s coming. My son is 14 weeks old (8 weeks corrected) and feeding time is hell.

He’s on omeprozole for reflux & on Milk for cows milk allergy. Which have helped. But it’s still hell.

He will never say no to a bottle, so will over feed. I try to do paced feeding but he’s always sick. Just undigested milk, comes up the same as it goes down. Always it’s straight away sometimes hours later.

I’ve tried burping him after every 1oz, 2oz, after the whole bottle. We use gaviscon. I hold him upright for 30 mins after a feed.
He cries for an our after every feed. I’m just told “it won’t last forever”

I see friends and their babies, feed, burp and back to it.

Whereas I feed, burp, sick, feed, burp, sick, cry for an hour.

I see people out and about feeding their babies and I’m so envious.

People make comments all the time about how “uncomfortable” he looks. Or “wow I’ve never seen a baby be that sick before” or “isn’t he whiny”

I don’t want to leave the house but know I have too for my own sanity.

My partner says that there are far worse people than us and having a baby was never going to be easy. I know that, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. I find it hard because I think what do you know? You’re out at work all day,,, you don’t do this all day every day. & then that’s unfair because he’s earning money for our family.

No healthcare professional gives a shit. The GP is even reluctant to up sons dosage of omeprozole with his weight.

I feel so isolated. Maybe I sound very selfish and should be greatful of what I have, and I am. But I just so upset that the first months of my sons life has been him so uncomfortable. I feel so upset that I feel like this.

I don't think you sound selfish, being a mum is hard work and can be very lonely!

Could it be CMPA? Does he have a rash across his face? My son was like this, as soon as he was put on Pepti 1 (hydrolysed formula), it was life changing. My son was also a bit premature, 6 weeks early like yours. CMPA is common amongst premature babies, it's worth bringing it up with your GP.

Also, having a baby in NICU is an ordeal in itself, please be kind to yourself x

Is your health visitor any help? as he was early it’s not uncommon to have reflux, it’s horrible - I have it as an adult and that’s awful enough. It sounds like you’ve had a tough time, and despite the omeprazole and the different milk he’s not any better so have you asked if there’s anything else they can try? Different milk or as you say bigger omeprazole dose. Omeprazole also builds up in its effects over time, so it may still be working up to maximum effect depending how long he’s been on it, but your gp needs to prescribe the optimum amount for it to be effective so as your baby grows it will need some adjustment. Sometimes thickener can be used and dummies can help with reflux. It’s a lot of trial and error sadly, and hopefully as he grows he will get better but that obviously doesn’t help you now. I hope your hv or another gp can help and support you better,

Also, I found it incredibly hard when we brought our son home. Feeding him was absolutely awful, filming him would have provided enough footage for a remake of the Exorcist. It's impossible to think, with an upset screaming baby who keeps on being sick. You really do have my sympathy, it really doesn't help when people just say it passes or others have it worse x

CMPA definitely worth looking into. I knew a baby with it and she didn't stop crying, barely pooped, generally very difficult until they changed formula. Completely different baby after.

@MDevane86 yes has CMPA. Been trialling milks which seem to work A bit but not 100000%. Have got a new one to start trialling tomorrow, called Neocate? I would say I’m crossing everything it works but I’ve said that so many times I’m exhausted. how long after starting this milk did it take to work!?
Exorsist is exactly how I’d describe it! When did you start to see an improvement. Thanks for your message. It’s so nice not to feel alone.

@serenghetti2011 our HV is incredible, I am so lucky to say. She chased our dietician referral and got us seen within 3 days.
GP seems to want to palm everything to pead. . I asked for an increase today, and was told I need to be rereffered to pedeatricisn. Which I know isn’t the case, I know GP’s can help. I literally cried and said please up his dose from 1.8mg to 2.2mg per KG. Felt like I was begging. I said that the pead had said my GP was to review it… so he reluctantly agreed. Wonder how much I’ll have if a battle next time he needs an increase!

Have you tried the wonky winding technique? My little boy used to whinge and cry for ages after feeds and he was always so burpy. He was on Gaviscon for months and months too because he used to get acid reflux at nighttime and always coughed all night because of it! It was so tough.

He did eventually grow out of it once we started weaning, which I know doesn't help you now, but otherwise the wonky winding technique used to help us get some more mega burp bubbles out of him in the meantime!

The great saviour for me was a bouncy chair to keep him a bit upright after a feed for an hour otherwise everything would come up. It lasted until he was about 5-6 months, and obviously finding the right formula, which was like going through a minefield with my eyes closed as there is so little information around (of better said, nobody can assure you what is going to work as every child is different).

Neocate used to be the ultimate solution (probably still is) it is massively expensive and I had to fight my GP to prescribe it as he totally refused even when the allergician had ordered it. At the end, the formula he was better with was aptamil (whey based) while the absolute worse ones were the lactose free (no idea why but he would cough himself out of his breath the whole day with them).

I've been there OP. I remember on my birthday, feeding my son and he was sick yet again all over me, I felt it was never going to end. He was on gaviscon. He use to bring up a clear liquid, and would need yet another clothes change. I remember trying to leave the house once and I put his coat on him and he brought up this clear liquid, I felt like giving up. But he's 10 now and those months really did go quick looking back. When he got to the 6 month mark he really improved. I haven't really got and advice, but I wanted to sympathise with you.

My first had cows milk allergy and severe silent reflux got put on ranitidine eventually the cows milk takes ages to get out of their system and I mean ages , my little girl didn't settle until around 3/4 months properly , I know it's awful I remember the screams the horrible nights she used to look like the exercist on the bed she was in horrible pain but it will get better! My second born was a dream baby the way you expect a baby to be and the difference is night and day people don't realise how hard it is when you have a baby with milk allergies and reflux I still don't know I got through it but I did and you will too op . Sometimes there's nothing more you can do for them until they settle with everything. Sending hugs.

Have you tried a thickener like Carobel for the milk? Both mine are CMPA and puke up all dairy free formula until it is thickened, it's too thin and just cone straight back up. Prime some Carobel.

Is he overfeeding because 4 hours between feeds is too long? Could you try 3 hours instead and see if things are better? He might not be as hungry then.

Mine did this and it’s just so disheartening having to change them and you (and mop up the floor/sofa/bed/sibling they’ve thrown up on) five hundred times a day and five hundred times a night. They do grow out of it. My ds just gradually got a little better over a month or two then one day it just stopped. I have no real advice just commiserations - the only thing I can think of to mention is that we had huge problems with sleep and I think that’s because we didn’t get any sort of a routine as we were so focused on him just throwing up on everything constantly and his obsessive want for a bottle. He then didn’t sleep well until 2. So if you can get some kind of routine do. And if he doesn’t self soothe I’d personally look at getting him on a dummy early so he soon goes without milk at night - mine never self soothed and gave him bottle late and if he woke up at night ever he would demand milk then throw up everywhere and it just took so long to get out of this kind of routine. Obvs yours is still tiny tho but yeah.

It may be that the formula you had before for his CMPA wasn’t fully milk free. Neocate is completely and utterly milk protein free and was an absolute game changer for us - we had similar experiences to you with both our children.
It is quite ‘thin’ though. My daughter’s reflux was so bad that we actually had a thickener prescribed by the dietitian (as well as omperazole) - do ask about it if there’s no improvement. Sorry, I can’t remember what it was called… I know it’s little comfort but it does get better. We also started weaning at 4 months to help my daughter (with paed advice). I really no one Neocate works for you as it did for us. My son was a changed baby after 1 bottle 🤞🏻

Hope, not no one! Bloody autocorrect

OP, you have my sympathy.
One of my DC was like this and it was horrendous. This was 20+ years ago, so nobody ever suggested we try a different formula - it was Gaviscon or nothing (which we put in his bottles, if I remember rightly).
It started to improve when I started giving him baby rice and rusks and Weetabix when he was about 10 weeks old - that filled him up a bit more than milk on its own, and didn't come up again. So you might find that it improves a bit once you start with solids.

I don't have any advice but you have my complete sympathy. Feeding my LO was a nightmare (also a NICU baby, also CMPA, also reflux).

She also very very slow to gain weight so feeding was really high pressure. It made me so depressed and so angry, and then I felt awful for feeling that way. It made going out f*ing difficult and I just seethed with jealously watching other mums happily breastfeeding and then putting their baby down to play or whatever.

I don't want to add to the chorus of 'it'll get better', but it will - IT WILL. Every day his body is developing a little more, and every day he will be getting a little better at ingesting and swallowing and keeping it down.

The thing that seemed to help the most was reflux medication (and increasing it for her weight which hopefully your GP continues to support..) and holding her upright for 30 mins - we found that had to be upright (e.g. one of us standing up) for it to have best impact.

I didn't use this so can't recommend personally, but a friend swore by probiotics for her son who had awful reflux.

Sending fortitude.

@Wonderingmum77 I feel for you.
DD was exactly the same.
Started over christmas when we didnt have access to a GP. Figured she was just unwell but she started vomiting with every feed, restless and cried constantly.

GP prescribed Nutrimegen formula for poss CMPA which did nothing.
She worsened and we ended up at paediatric A&E over new year out of desperation.
They gave us Gaviscon which did help initially, as in a couple of weeks.
Then it got worse again and we were back to square one.
Went back to the GP who refused to help and sent us back to A&E.

A paediatrician didnt hesitate and gave us Omeprazole. Starting at 10mg when DD was only 6 weeks old.
Absolute game changer.
All the reflux symptoms disappeared after the 1st dose.
But, we were advised it can take up to 6 weeks for it to build in the system to have a proper effect.
We had ups and downs during those 6 weeks but she did improve.
We did still have to wind after every ounce and we did keep her upright for 30mins after every feed for several months.
But shes 7months old now and much better.
We have the odd day where she is sick (normally all over me) and has the constant swallowing noises where acid creeps back up her throat. We have had to increase her Omeprazole dose twice and shes almost on the maximum now.

I too was fed up with being the person she was sick on.
I didnt want to take her anywhere in case she vomited all over me. It was horrid and I dont miss those days at all.
But she is better now.
As crap as it sounds, it does get better, i never thought it would but one day everything seemed a bit easier.
Youre doing a fab job.

Hi OP. I felt exactly the same with my daughter. We finally got tongue tie cut at 6 months and CMPA diagnosed at 8 months. The reflux stopped within a week after starting neocate. There are no milk proteins in neocate at all unlike some of the other milks they make you try first. It was a lifesaver. My health visitor was convinced I had PND due to the feeding issues. Please give it a try and hopefully it will work for you as it did us. You might also find weaning is a godsend when he can have solids rather than milk and you can start to reduce the formula consumption. I know how hard it is. I think I cried every day and was at the drs at least once a week but I promise you it gets better xx

4 hours seems like a very long time for an 8wk baby to go between feeds, or even a 14wk baby! Mine is 20wks and rarely goes longer than 2 hours. If I were you I'd feed him much more frequently.

Agree that little and often might be worth a try. I don't think my ds ever managed 4 hours between feeds - at 8 weeks it was more like every 1.5 hours

I agree with the comment above - it might be worth trying little and often

I completely and totally sympathise. Had exactly the same with my daughter and felt like the worst parent in the world as i loathed it and loathed myself for loathing it.
Neocate was a game changer, honestly.
I really hope it is for you too.
unmumsnetty hugs

I haven’t read all the replies but I’ve been there with both my kids. It’s hell.

Gaviscon never worked for us, we had to use carobel in the Neocate / Puramino to keep it down as Neocate is thinner than other milks.

Neocate or Puramino are the only fully dairy free milks, and once he starts on that it can take up to 4 weeks for the milk proteins to leave his system.

How much omeprazole is he on? Both of mine were on 10mg at that age.

Finally, none of the tricks re feeding or positioning really worked for us. The only thing was holding them upright 24/7 (even taking shifts sleeping holding them up). I started them on solids at 17 weeks and between the solids, the omeprazole, Neocate/Puramino and carobel it finally changed and they became like my friends babies. It was only the combo of all four that worked though.

It’s all trial and error right now, but you will get there! My first came off the omeprazole just before his second birthday, it looks like my second will be the same. But you wouldn’t know either had reflux once they hit 4-5 months.

Have you tried Novolac-Allernova? It's a dairy free and thick milk formula. The thickness might help to keep the milk down. Because its thick you'll need to use a bigger teat. Honestly my sympathies, it's really tough!