I fucking hate feeding my baby. Feeling like the worst mother.

[Wonderingmum77]

I hate feeding my baby. Genuinely every time it gets near that 4 hour mark I begin to dread knowing what’s coming. My son is 14 weeks old (8 weeks corrected) and feeding time is hell.

He’s on omeprozole for reflux & on Milk for cows milk allergy. Which have helped. But it’s still hell.

He will never say no to a bottle, so will over feed. I try to do paced feeding but he’s always sick. Just undigested milk, comes up the same as it goes down. Always it’s straight away sometimes hours later.

I’ve tried burping him after every 1oz, 2oz, after the whole bottle. We use gaviscon. I hold him upright for 30 mins after a feed.
He cries for an our after every feed. I’m just told “it won’t last forever”

I see friends and their babies, feed, burp and back to it.

Whereas I feed, burp, sick, feed, burp, sick, cry for an hour.

I see people out and about feeding their babies and I’m so envious.

People make comments all the time about how “uncomfortable” he looks. Or “wow I’ve never seen a baby be that sick before” or “isn’t he whiny”

I don’t want to leave the house but know I have too for my own sanity.

My partner says that there are far worse people than us and having a baby was never going to be easy. I know that, but I didn’t think it would be this hard. I find it hard because I think what do you know? You’re out at work all day,,, you don’t do this all day every day. & then that’s unfair because he’s earning money for our family.

No healthcare professional gives a shit. The GP is even reluctant to up sons dosage of omeprozole with his weight.

I feel so isolated. Maybe I sound very selfish and should be greatful of what I have, and I am. But I just so upset that the first months of my sons life has been him so uncomfortable. I feel so upset that I feel like this.

For us, we were lucky. Pepti 1 worked straight away but it was probably about 3 weeks until his symptoms completely settled. I know some mums have had to try a few before finding one that worked.

Honestly, I was fucking awful to begin with. I couldn't brush my hair until he was 16 weeks old it was so matted from his vomit. We were burping him every 10mls to begin with as that was what they got us to do in NICU which meant a feed took forever. We also had to feed him every 90mins until he was 12 weeks old. It was the stuff of nightmares.

Also as a heads up, we waited for around 5 months for our paediatric dietitian appointment. When you do start to wean, it's mainly veggie and fruit purees but I did find this FB support group really helpful: www.facebook.com/groups/237098283829485/?ref=share.

Please hang in there. It really is shit, but you have to be pushy to get the support you need. Once you're on the right formula, it really is life changing x

yes been there on all of my DC. It is mega frustrating. I used to go to baby groups and dread feed time as they would feed and out done and mine would scream and be sick then hungry again . Only thing that sorted mine was weaning and I did it early for there benefit as well as mine. (HV agreeed).
firstly I would feed little and more often. Four hours before a feed he must be so hungry and then gulping it down. Good luck

This is not normal and you should persist with healthcare professionals. It's OK to feel shit about this. Can I ask why you're feeding to a schedule opposed to feeding on demand/cues?

Can I also check did your NICU ask you stay on 4 hourly feeds? My boy was on a 4 hourly feeding schedule to try and get him to realise he was hungry as he was tube fed for a majority of his NICU stay. Towards the end of his NICU stay, he was screaming to be fed before the 4hr mark and by the time he was allowed home, he would scream to be fed every 90mins. NICU told us on discharge to feed responsively and to now follow a schedule.

I completely empathise, my daughter has severe reflux and ended up being tube fed. Turns out she has lots of allergies and also had a severe tongue tie. She was not gaining weight on alfamino, we had to go on to neocate. Been an absolute game changer! She’s now 11 months and doing really well, we are about to start weaning her from the tube. My inbox is always open, but my suggestions are-
•Get a private tongue tie assessment asap- it is a bit pricey but tongue ties can cause reflux. For some babies after release the reflux disappears completely.
• omeprazole did nothing for my daughter- lansoprazole was a game changer!
• bio-gaia pro-biotic drops, or ask to try neocate syneo (same as neocate LCP just has the probiotics already in the milk)
• remember amino acid formula are made differently- not the high temps of regular formula. Look on the nutricia site for the correct instructions
• don’t use a prep machine
• assess babies latch on a bottle, even if they don’t have a tongue tie certain bottles are better than others (try lansinoh and dr browns)
• take baby to see an osteopath
• join the reflux FB page, so much support on their
• if you decide to use a thickener, many babies react to carobel as it’s similar to soya and many CMPA babies are also allergic to soya. I recommend magic mix (it’s French)

please feel free to message me at any time, My daughters reflux was so bad it made me feel suicidal at times. I never knew how bad it could be, and certainly didn’t think she would end up tube fed due to reflux! So honestly I’m here if you ever want to chat x

The AA formulas are VERY thin. As a PP mentioned definitely use a thickener like carobel.
And if he has reflux you need to feed smaller amounts more often.
Join the Facebook group "main group- CMPA support" it's incredibly helpful.

Also just to add my daughter was 11 weeks early, and in all honesty I have found reflux more stressful than her prematurity! In NICU the goal was discharge home (she left at 38 weeks) but the reflux is so wait and see it feels never ending. But it does and will get better x

I’m sorry you are struggling. It sounds very hard and you should have more support.

Two of my DC had reflux, one very badly but it sounds like you have more going on with the CMPA.

little and often may well be an idea. It might stay down easier.

have you tried/are you feeding upright? Can you feed in the baby carrier, which might allow you to do things as well as feed which might help, it will help with the hour of crying and half hour of being upright too, if he is going to be unsettled whatever happens then you might be better off being mobile and able to do things for yourself and won’t dread it so much.

and here’s my most controversial suggestion - have you tried not doing anything to “burp” the baby at all? Active “burping” is not a universal practice. There is a school of thought that all the active burping encouragement and repositioning, interupting the feed, patting and pressure on the stomach might actually encourage regurgitation. Obviously you know your baby best but I’ve seen new parents feel like they haven’t completed a feed until hours later when they finally eke out a burp which may have happened anyway and then they feel like they need to start again. I did do this myself but then also completely gave up any effort to actively encourage any burp and got pretty much the same amount of crying, and the same amount of burps!

Thanks so much everyone for your replies. It’s so comforting to know I’m not in this alone.

With regards to 4 hour feedings, it’s what he’s always done. He’s always been in this routine. We tried to do 2 oz every 2 hours but he just wouldn’t have it. He’d have 2oz and then 2hrs later we’d have to try and wake him for it. Which was difficult. I don’t really like waking a sleeping baby & found it made no difference to sickness or reflux.

So 4 hourly feeds sounds like what he needs. It's hard being a mum. Even if it does feel like it, you know what is best for your boy because you are his mother and you spend the most amount of time with him. Don't let any other fucker tell you any different.

As with the pp, I found after a month or so on Pepti 1, my boy could take whole feeds and only need burping at the end. He would do this himself by keeping him upright for a few mins and it only worked when his CMPA symptoms had settled. Worth keeping that in mind when things improve.

An update..

he started Neocate today. He’s had 3 bottles, and not been sick at all on 2 of them & has only been a tiny bit sick on 1 of them.

i don’t know if this is coincidence? Surely Neocate hasn’t worked this quickly??????

Sending you hugs, OP, and sympathy - it's properly shit.

Just saw your update ! So pleased for you.

Neocate worked that quickly for my son. He had silent reflux so didn't vomit but the pain was so bad he would have an Oz and then scream and scream in plain and refuse anymore. He was loosing weight so fast. When we finally got the Neocate he hadn't finished a bottle in weeks, hadn't had more than 8oz in 24hrs for several days and was so so sick, screaming all the time. First bottle of Neocate: drank the whole bottle, slept. Woke happy. Had another bottle. TOTAL game changer. Hope it's the same for you!

That's great OP.

I have to say, the number one thing that helped my son with CMPA and sickness was weaning.

We started at 4 months under dietician care. Honestly he was like a different child within a month or so.

That's great op!The allergy is probably severe I don't think they need to break down neonate so it's probably been fine on his tummy straight, such good news op and hope he stays settled!