Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

My DS best friend is leaving nursery…what to do?

31 replies

bananainpjs · 07/07/2022 20:06

I am so sad.

My 3 year old has a best friend from nursery that hes been close to since he was 1 and a half. There were the 3 of them who were close but the other boy left to move to wales a year ago so its always been them two together since. He talks about him all the time. If I asks who he plays with, he says his name and no one else. If I give him mini gingerbread men, he says one is him and one is his best friends name etc etc

However I ran into his mummy in the car park who asked me for my number so we can keep in touch and if I was going to the leavers party. I said which one? My son is here for another year. She was like oh I thought they were the same age. I assumed that too because they would transition to every room together at the same time. But we came to realise that her son is one of the youngest and my son is September born so that’s probably why.

I am so sad because I thought my son had another year with him yet (they won’t be attending the same school as the nursery is near my work place). His other friends that he talks about are also leaving for school but I assumed he had his best friend at least. I don’t know what to do, I was so shocked that I went quiet and forgot to give her my number which I hope didn’t come across rude (she didn’t press for it she just said to open the conversation).
Is it worth giving my number? If he sees his best friend, he might wonder why he isn’t at pre-school with him? I don’t know if he’ll understand and might get sad by it?

Part of me wish I never knew and just found out in September that he was no longer there as now its like a countdown.

I don’t know what to do and how ‘prepare’ myself. Is it worth talking to his key worker? All the nursery staff mention how close they are and how they are always together.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

PestoPasghetti · 07/07/2022 20:10

In the nicest possible way you're overthinking this. Yes swap numbers, arrange visits and days out together now and then, but don't work yourself into a flap over it and don't make a big deal of it to your son. Children that age are incredibly adaptable! My 2 best friends from nursery didn't go to school with me but I just blended into the new group and made different friends instead. There will be new children at nursery next year he can play with. Does he have any particular interests you could join a group for - dancing, or sport, or weekend outdoorsy forest school maybe? He'll make friends with similar interests there too.

FionnulaTheCooler · 07/07/2022 20:11

He will soon make new friends. My DD had a close friend at nursery that she played with constantly, but the friend's mum decided to defer school entry for a year so DD went on to school while the friend didn't. DD soon made new friends in her school class and was fine, I'm sure your DC will be the same if you don't make a big thing of it.

scrivette · 07/07/2022 20:14

I would give the number and maybe arrange a play date another time.

It's really hard for some children. My DD was friends with the older girls at nursery and was devastated when they left and she really struggled with it. (She is September born and they had all been together since age one). She didn't want to go to nursery and cried quite a bit, I suppose it was a bit like a bereavement for her.

Nursery were very good though and made sure she was entertained during the day and buddies her up with some younger girls and she became one of the 'grown ups'.

On the other side, my DS had a couple of good friends who left and he was okay after a few days.

I would speak to the keyworker about your concerns and they should be able to keep an eye on him.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3 year olds Childcare & nursery Families General parenting

Hedonism · 07/07/2022 20:14

My DS was inseparable from his bf at nursery. They went to different schools. Now he's 11 and has no memory of him 🙁

Hallmother · 07/07/2022 20:20

V overthinking- my DD went to school a year before her friend from nursery- august v September born- they see eachother still, zero issues, they’ve made more new friends each.

GoldenGorilla · 07/07/2022 20:21

Honestly….is he your first? Because you are massively overthinking this.

both of mine had best friends at nursery, then forgot about them within a few weeks once anybody moved on.

don’t worry. Don’t make a big thing of it. Tell him “x goes to big school now” and just move on.

BellaTheDarkOverlord · 07/07/2022 20:23

I'm sure it'll be ok, swap numbers if you can. My DD when in nursery age 3 was best friends with a little girl who was in same nursery but age 2. When DD.moved to reception the other girl stayed in nursery another year. DD was very upset. However DD is now going to year 3 in Sept and whilst she remembers her friend she has lots of new friends now.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 07/07/2022 20:31

LOL, he'll be absolutely fine, just carry on with life.

Miriam101 · 07/07/2022 20:45

First, unclench! Second, if you get the chance, do give the mum your number. It'll be lovely for the two of them to meet up in the park or whatever during the summer hols and if you find they still get on well, maybe you can arrange the same once term starts. Our DD's nursery pal went to a different school but they still see each other some weekends and get on like a house on fire (and both are happy with new friends)

minuette1 · 07/07/2022 21:10

OP do you actually remember your best friend from when you were 3 or 4? You are totally overthinking this, your son won't even remember the kid this time next year unless you do keep in touch with his family.

Original poster

bananainpjs · 07/07/2022 21:15

This is my first. They are obsessed with each other so I’m not sure how he’s going to cope with him not being there when he’s been there since he was 1?
i hope I am overthinking this as I have never had to worry about this before. It’s because I told myself his other friends are leaving but it’s okay he’s got his best friend so he’ll be okay assuming they are the same age. Just a massive shock that’s all. I liked their little friendship.

the nursery workers have even commented that their friendship is special and different to the rest of the kids they see in the class.

just sad for my DS. I’m sure he’ll be okay. I don’t like change much.

OP posts:

Zonder · 07/07/2022 21:18

It's hard to believe but he will be fine. I would try and encourage some new play dates with some other children over the summer. Encourage him to make a few new friends.

simonthedog · 07/07/2022 21:20

You are overthinking. He will make a new nursery friend. Then when he goes to school he will make new friends there. He wouldn't be going to the same school as the friend anyway.

AgathaMystery · 07/07/2022 21:21

Def swap numbers. A decade on & My DC still play with friends from nursery. I love them having friends out of school.

im mid 40’s and still see my friend from nursery regularly despite us never going to school together

mistermagpie · 07/07/2022 21:21

Yeah I think you are overthinking this a bit. It will happen all the time, very very few people are still friends with people from when they are three!

My son is in a very tight group of three at nursery, him and one other are going to the same primary school but the other one isn't. We've just told him that's what happens sometimes and they can see each other out of school. He's accepted that. Kids aren't as fussed about these things as we think and they move on very quickly. My eldest is six and barely remembers the names of kids he was friends with at nursery, unless they now go to his school.

CoverYourselfInChocolateGlory · 07/07/2022 21:26

This is part of life and a perfectly normal thing for him to learn to cope with.

Ducksurprise · 07/07/2022 21:26

It is easy for me to say overthinking it, when I am so many years ahead of you. But trust the pp, what seems a mountain now will seem a stone later.

Definitely swap numbers, sometimes these friendships last, sometimes they don't. One of mine maintained his nursery friendship despite not going to the same school and then moving 200miles away, at 19 they went travelling together. My others don't remember their nursery friends which does make me a bit sad as they seemed so important at the time, but that is the ebb and flow of friendship

ZenNudist · 07/07/2022 21:27

Special and different friendship? They're 3! This really isn't a big deal and you need to not make it into one. My ds loves to keep all his friends and has a memory like an elephant so still harks back to nursery friendships (at 11!) But he makes new friends in every situation. You need to teach resilience and ability to adapt to change. So whatever you do help him prepare, be positive, explain that in life there is often changes and chances to make new friends.

If you carry on like this you are going to be a wreck when he:

Goes to primary
Gets split up in a new class
Falls out with friends

Goes to secondary (that's a big one, going through it now).

Just get contact details and stay in touch

Original poster

bananainpjs · 07/07/2022 21:28

My DS still remembers his friend who left for Wales a year ago even though we never mention him.
We are going to Wales this weekend and he even said “can I see the child’s name?”
The people he plays which are about 5/6 boys are all leaving. As he’s September born, I think he prefers them. I don’t know any of his younger friends or if he has any.

he struggled when they all left to go to the next room last time as he was left with the younger kids. He’s quite bright for his age and can write his name and the alphabet already etc.

I think I’m worried he might struggle with the younger children.

Only 4 transitioned to pre-school at the same time, his best friend included but and the other 2 being girls. Now I’m wondering if he’ll be the only one left.

OP posts:

Original poster

bananainpjs · 07/07/2022 21:29

*only one left that’s older

OP posts:

ZenNudist · 07/07/2022 21:29

Also my friends dd went to a different primary from her best friend at nursery and the reunited at secondary and just picked up the friendship again.

maryanne22 · 07/07/2022 21:34

Sarahcoggles · 07/07/2022 21:36

I sympathise OP. Both my kids had best friends through nursery and primary school, and would have been upset if they'd left. I don't know how long they'd have taken to get over it, as luckily it never happened, but I recall being very anxious when one of the families was talking about moving away. I lost sleep over that. Of course 10 years on they've both drifted from the best friends, and have very little to do with them. But at the time it would have been important, and I'd have been very upset for them.
I would just try and be positive about it, talk about new friends and so on, and I'm sure it'll be easier than you imagine.

justasmalltownmum · 07/07/2022 21:38

My dd is 4. She has had 3 bffs that have left. She is sad for a day or so but finds new friends to play with.

MynameisJune · 07/07/2022 21:38

My DD’s bff from nursery left the setting after about a year, we did regular play dates and weekends, now at 7 they are still best friends despite not going to the same school.

Definitely swap numbers.

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread