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Original poster

My DS best friend is leaving nursery…what to do?

31 replies

bananainpjs · 07/07/2022 20:06

I am so sad.

My 3 year old has a best friend from nursery that hes been close to since he was 1 and a half. There were the 3 of them who were close but the other boy left to move to wales a year ago so its always been them two together since. He talks about him all the time. If I asks who he plays with, he says his name and no one else. If I give him mini gingerbread men, he says one is him and one is his best friends name etc etc

However I ran into his mummy in the car park who asked me for my number so we can keep in touch and if I was going to the leavers party. I said which one? My son is here for another year. She was like oh I thought they were the same age. I assumed that too because they would transition to every room together at the same time. But we came to realise that her son is one of the youngest and my son is September born so that’s probably why.

I am so sad because I thought my son had another year with him yet (they won’t be attending the same school as the nursery is near my work place). His other friends that he talks about are also leaving for school but I assumed he had his best friend at least. I don’t know what to do, I was so shocked that I went quiet and forgot to give her my number which I hope didn’t come across rude (she didn’t press for it she just said to open the conversation).
Is it worth giving my number? If he sees his best friend, he might wonder why he isn’t at pre-school with him? I don’t know if he’ll understand and might get sad by it?

Part of me wish I never knew and just found out in September that he was no longer there as now its like a countdown.

I don’t know what to do and how ‘prepare’ myself. Is it worth talking to his key worker? All the nursery staff mention how close they are and how they are always together.

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redwaterbottle · 07/07/2022 21:41

You need to help your child move on. He's 3. As a family we relocated 2 years ago. Dd (11. 8 at the time) had 2 best friends. Was sad to leave, lots of tears. Did about a month of video calls etc and then it fizzled out. Dc has new friends, is happier and it's all worked out. You need to support dc to understand that life happens and things change.

minuette1 · 07/07/2022 23:34

bananainpjs · 07/07/2022 21:28

My DS still remembers his friend who left for Wales a year ago even though we never mention him.
We are going to Wales this weekend and he even said “can I see the child’s name?”
The people he plays which are about 5/6 boys are all leaving. As he’s September born, I think he prefers them. I don’t know any of his younger friends or if he has any.

he struggled when they all left to go to the next room last time as he was left with the younger kids. He’s quite bright for his age and can write his name and the alphabet already etc.

I think I’m worried he might struggle with the younger children.

Only 4 transitioned to pre-school at the same time, his best friend included but and the other 2 being girls. Now I’m wondering if he’ll be the only one left.

That's interesting - is your son neurotypical? it seems quite unusual for a child that young to have such an intense attachment to a peer. At that age my DC and their 'friends' were really playing alongside each other in fluid groups rather than forming intense one-to-one relationships. If even the nursery staff have commented then they are expressing how unusual this is. Sounds like it might be good for your son to broaden his horizons and not get too attached to one or two friends.

Original poster
bananainpjs · 08/07/2022 00:08

No he’s not neurological. He says child name is his best friend. And he tells me who are the other children best friends.

they transitioned to pre-school together as there were only 4 of them and by then the older kids had already their close friendships so he formed his with his best friend.

the other child is more obsessed with my child as he won’t play with anyone but my child where my child does.

today he said two other kids are his best friends but their also leaving. He never talks about the younger kids.

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Original poster
bananainpjs · 08/07/2022 00:09

*neorutypical

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Zonder · 08/07/2022 07:57

If he isn't neurotypical could this be why you're so concerned? I'm sure that your attitude will make a bit difference and you can help this be one of the millions of occasions in life where he will learn resilience. Get those new play dates going.

WingingIt09 · 08/07/2022 08:22

@bananainpjs I can understand your concern. My eldest DD is a September birthday and last summer all her friends left and went up to school. She was unsettled for a few weeks and was refusing going to nursery, crying etc but her nursery were great and paired her up with another little girl in the same situation. They really encouraged the friendship and she has been absolutely fine since. I'd even say it has really helped her with transition to school this year as no one from her current nursery is going to her school and she has been handling the settling sessions really well and starting to make friends. Kids are definitely adaptable xx

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