I can't do this.

[Fedup1111]

I'm a FTM with a month old baby. I very much wanted a baby, always wanted a family of my own and suffered a miscarriage before the birth of my rainbow baby.

This is too hard. I have a very fussy baby who cries all night. For hours and hours. I have tried everything. I don't even have the strength to try and eliminate what could be causing it. It must be colic. But the crying just doesn't stop until she tired herself out. I've spoken to the GP, midwives, HV and tried different meds to no relief.

I'm exhausted. I hate my life. I want to cry all the time and wonder what the hell I have done. It was my idea to have a baby and I feel like I've ruined my husband's life as well.

My baby isn't a joy to be around, it's the hardest thing I've ever done and I feel incredible guilt over this. Her crying makes me feel so distressed as all i want to do is make her feel better and nothing helps.

She deserves better than me, someone who can help her distressed cries and I just want to run away.

I don't know what I'm trying to achieve by posting here but I'm in such a dark place I'm actually feeling I'm a useless waste of space and a failure of a mother.

You can do this. It's hard work having a new baby. I think you should speak to the doctor/ health visitor about how your feeling to get support. Speak to friends and family. You are not alone in feeling like this.

You can do this. It is exhausting and the hardest thing you will ever do.

Ring these people tomorrow
www.cry-sis.org.uk

Is there anyone who can help you tonight?

It's utterly shit. But you can do it. You haven't ruined your life, you just didn't realise it would be this. But it will pass. I know because I had a non-sleeper and thought I was going properly out of my mind.

Now 11 years later DD is a joy. But her first year was dark.

You can definitely do this, not going to lie it's tough at times. Sleep when baby sleeps only do the necessary work. Speak to your HV or midwife about how you are feeling they don't judge. I've got four children all adults now but I clearly remember how overwhelming it was. Early days were about getting sleep and establishing routines.

You can honestly do this, it's the hardest thing in the world being a new mum, but these days will pass! I remember the 2nd night home from hospital DS cried solidly for hours and hours, I was just on the verge of taking him back to hospital cause I was so sure he must be ill! He was fine, but it was such a hard night.

Have you tried a tight swaddle? A sling so she is close to you and hears your heartbeat? Loud white noise plying in a dark room also helped us.

Whats your husband doing to help?

You can do this. The early days can be hell so what you are feeling is NORMAL. GET DH to do the night feeds and let you sleep a full night that will help If you are breastfeeding pump a few bottles for the night feed. It does get easier it's called the fourth trimester for a reason.

I have been there. My little one who is now 2 would cry all night. Suffered from terrible reflux. A dummy helped him a lot and almost instantly made it easier for me. The first year was tough but you will get through it. Before you know it you will forget this time even existed. My little one still wakes a few times at night but nothing compared to when he was first born. All the best.

Honestly OP I was you just over 3 years ago. I hated having a baby. He cried all the time and my partner worked long hours with a two hour commute each way so it mainly all fell on me. I was miserable, tired and lonely. It felt like the biggest mistake I had made. Life was one endless round of nap refusal and overtiredness. But I got through and my god do I adore being his mummy now. In fact I adored being his mummy not long after those feelings reached their peak. Things started to seem easier. And now at nearly 4 he is my joy. You are absolutely not alone and talking to someone really helped me (GP and friends/family). You can do this x

Are you formula or breast feeding? My son was like this and it was an undiagnosed dairy allergy. I was breast feeding so didn't even occur to me that could be an issue but the dairy I was consuming was causing the issue.

As most mothers will say, this is a phase and it will pass. You will look back on this time and think jeeeeeeez that was rough but I got through it.

Newborns are hard. I struggled with my DD and she was a model baby so I really sympathise with parents that have non sleepers.

Go easy on yourself and remember it won't be like this forever xxx

Hang in there, it will get better. My child constantly vomited milk up up to 40 times a day, felt I spent whole time cleaning. It was relentless. If you are overwhelmed, put in cot somewhere safe and go to another room x

You can totally do this. Babies are all so different and they don't come with manuals. You're trying your best so please be kind to yourself.

My son was like this and it will stop.

Have you read about high needs babies. There's a really good book on Amazon, I'll try to share a link but just Google high needs babies and there will be lots of food advice.

A sling to keep her close to you so at least you have your hands free to do things for you.

A dummy for comfort?

Is she cluster feeding? Mine would cry for hours if my supply didn't catch up quickly enough. Skin to skin helped calm her down.

Is she happy in her buggy or anywhere at all? Can you get outside and go for a walk?

There is a charity that helps mums who have no other help. Sometimes getting away even for an hour to sit with a tea and browse your phone ca help retain your sanity.

Lots of skin to skin contact? Some babies just need/like it a lot lot more and it calms them.

Going to bed with her in the evenings so at least you get some good sleep. I had tea at 530pm went to bed at 8pm for years. Everything feels harder when sleep deprived.

Do you get the chance to go to baby groups at all? They can be really supportive and other new mums are filled with tips and ideas.

Sorry I am trying to think of practical tips. It is hard. Very hard but you can do this. Take it one hour at a time. xx

15 week old here! It gets better. Our DD had reflux and gaviscon worked a treat! Now sleeping through the night! You can do this. Please speak to your Gp! Xx

My baby was exactly like this but improved dramatically as time passed. She was a lot better after 3 months, even better after 6 months and a complete dream at 1 - sleeping 12 hours a night with no waking. She's been the sweetest child and now at 11 is amazing! She's so brave, kind, funny and caring I sometimes feel in awe of her! What I'm trying to say is hang in there! This phase is shit! But it's temporary. She will be a completely different person soon. When I was struggling with my miserable baby I tried to imagine the little girl she would become. It helped.

Make an appointment with a cranial osteopath for baby and get her seen

also look at the milk she’s having and keep a close eye on any symptoms / poop consistency / wind / reflux etc
does she have tongue tie ?
try colief
does she respond to swaddling ? White noise ?

It will get easier, I promise. it's so so difficult but you will look back in a years time at this moment and have the most amazing bond with your baby.
I found things starting to get slightly easier around 8 weeks. The sleepyhead pod was a game changer for us! I also agree try a sleeping bag/swaddle something like the lovetodream. And white noise/rain sounds fairly loud

Just remember this stage won't last forever ♥️
It's the only way babies have to communicate.
I can remember sitting on the floor in our lounge crying my eyes out thinking 'what have we done!' But you get through it cause you have to, you're a strong woman deep down and you're there for your children which is the most important thing ❤
Practical advice - is baby fed full? Maybe top up with formula if needed.
Is baby dry? Check nappy
Check baby is not poorly / too hot / cold and give lots of mummy cuddles. I know its easier said than done, but try to relax, they will feed off your anxiety
Try playing music or white noise for babies, and try gently swaddling xxX
Be kind to yourself xxxx

You absolutely can do this. I still feel this so vividly despite being out the other end now. I had an extremely high needs baby who is now a high needs toddler. The early days of literally zero sleep and constant crying is just utterly soul destroying.

I promise you're not alone in how you are feeling 💕

You need a whole nights sleep and things will feel different the next morning. Accept offers of help from family / friends, most parents remember what this time is like - dreadful. Sleep deprivation has a huge impact on a person. The first 6 weeks are crap, a (new) Mum said this to me before my baby was born and I was so glad that she did because otherwise I would have thought it was me. you are not a bad Mum you’re just tired.

Oh OP ❤️ You have my absolute sympathies.
I didn’t want a family but OH did so I compromised but honestly spend the first few weeks… months wondering why I did. I didn’t have postnatal depression I just HATED this life and GRIEVED for my old life so badly… for some stability, silence, a good nights sleep, to get dinner ready without a baby anywhere near me. People tell you it gets better, I reckoned that was a nonsense, but in a way it does.
Its still hard as HELL but the enjoyable moments now are much for enjoyable(7 months down the line) seeing her develop and not cry and scream all the time is great- however sometimes I could still send her back!

Im sure your a great mum and you’ll be doing the very best you can. Reach out to those you can, don’t be afraid to tell your other half “I need a break for X amount of time- and leave”

Take care X

Echo what others have said. I've been and it was hell but it does end. Just watch out for PND and go to the GP for support if you need it.

Things that helped us (which you've probably tried!):

• swaddle suit (we used Love to Dream)
• sling (she lived in it for the first few weeks)
• dummy
• tilted cot
• rolled up towel in a horse shoe under the fitted sheet (cheap yet effective version of a sleepyhead)
• Gaviscon and eventually Lansoperazole (our daughter had silent reflux)
• bouncing up and down on a yoga ball (my baby needed constant movement and this saved my legs, back and pelvic floor)

Try and get out during the day. I avoided places because I was worried about my baby crying all the time, but really people don't care and probably won't even notice.

This won't last forever, I promise. It's all about survival for now.

@Fedup1111 I promise you it will get better. Are you BF or bottle? Could someone give you a 1-2 hour break to sleep tomorrow?

You can do it! The first 8 weeks are horrendous and you just grieve for your old life but I promise it all comes together and you will start to love and enjoy your baby.

My advice, do not wait to put a gentle routine in place - it will save your sanity and set baby up for good sleep! I really liked Charmian Mead's book, although after 6 weeks I started to tweak a few things when I realised I knew my baby better than a book did (this was mentally when things started to get better for me).

Swaddle and Dummy too.

You can do it. Things start to improve at 8 weeks and by 13 weeks this will all seem like a bad dream.

It’s so hard at first and you are in the very middle of when it’s hard.
Get to 13 weeks. Focus on getting to 13 weeks. I promise it’s gets a lot better from there.